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Blah-blah's by InnerAsia (that's me). ALT. URL (w/o music) -

http://www.geocities.com/InnerAsiaHQ/index4.html

EMAIL: InnerAsia@yahoo.com

Other InnerAsia Webpages

"Growing up"

My father grew up in Shanghai for the first 14 years of his life. 
His father was a musical conductor and a bass player who had 
to be assigned in Shanghai when it was still a British colony. 
My grandfather�s band played old jazz music.  My father was 
schooled by the British; that�s why he has this funny 
Shanghai-British accent (he says, "tomato...the "o" isn't 
a long "o" sound.lolol...and "car" for caaaahhh"). For as long as I can remember, 
 he's been spending lots of time outside 
Manila, usually in Pakistan, India, Singapore, Thailand and elswhere
doing his international management consultancy work for  foreign governments. Coming from a poor family, my 
father worked his way up with grant fellowships from 
Harvard and UCLA. His first job was at J. Walter Thompson, Manila when 
there were still expats managing the agency. He was also a 
reporter and a university vice-rector for one of the oldest 
universities in Manila and Southeast Asia. Eventually, he also
had also his own TV show that featured livelihood and
 management programs for the poor. He was also a columnist 
in one of Manila�s top daily broadsheets but he had to stop 
because he was always traveling.

Growing up, he used to tell us if we did something wrong or 
not to the best of our ability, that he would throw us in the 
Pasig River (one of Manila's foulest-smelling rivers). lolol. 
He always had jokes to tell. And he also would always 
tell us, that if we fell short of our best, "Don't be like a 
Filipino! Be a Franco!" Franco? My dad would 
occasionally  bring up the story of why my mom always
 called him "Hitler". Wasn't General Franco of Spain a 
dictator, too? lol. My eldest brother did some genealogy research
on the family name. He said we have about 15% Spanish 
blood. Really?

On the other hand, my mom grew up in Manila from a 
higher middle class family. Her mom was a historian and
 famous professor at the oldest university I just mentioned. 
That�s where my parents met when my father was editor-in-
chief and my mother was the assistant ed-in-chief. My mother
also almost became a Maryknoll nun until my father 
reprimanded the sisters from the convent to let her go. Lol. 
(This is how I ended studying in Maryknoll. Shortly after 
my parents married, my mom taught there for a year). During her younger years, my mother spent 
working for the  Dominican priests. I spent most of my 
childhood in the company of Dominican priests and 
seminarians at  Sto. Domingo church. They used to have 
a great choir and they would practice in our little house or
 we would watch their concerts at the Cultural Center of the 
Philippines. We frequented the center a lot to also watch ballets and
choirs who came from all over the world. It was a time when
 Imelda Marcos (then the First Lady) was a great patroness 
of the arts. A very colorful time, in the backdrop of martial law
 days and human rights violations in our country.  Anyway, our 
house was always filled with joyous  songs (now I write sad songs. lolol)
and I was influenced by the Dominicans to want to 
learn to play the guitar. Later, my mom joined the executive 
adminstrative office of a top university ran by the Jesuits. Now 
it�s the Jesuit!  lolol. I also grew up swimming with my siblings
 in one of the university�s swimming pools every weekend. I stopped when
I reached adolescence 'cause I didn't want to get dark. lolol.
I observed that the Dominicans seemed to be more oriented 
towards the arts. We used to have a priest-visitor at home who
 would perform magic tricks for us. He was also a great painter 
and gave us a painting of Christ nailed to the cross. 
The Jesuits seemed to be more business-oriented. I especially
 like Fr. Galdon, who looked like Bob Hope, and he always 
had anecdotes for us. He writes them in his column these 
days. Well, every year, my mother has her birthday party and
 the guys from the university come and celebrate. Or we�d hold 
dinner for some of my family�s Jesuit friends at home. 
The discussions over issues always interested me. Issues 
about this country, government, education, the public, etc., 
etc. They were always lively discussions. I learned that priests 
are just like you and me. Most of them are very bright. But I like the university president,most of all.
He is so statesman-like. He could've ran for president!

""Miss Saigon"- Manila"

Recently, my family and I saw the Manila stage production of
 �Miss Saigon� with some Jesuits. It was wonderful to see 
co-Filipinos in a world-class production. But I�ve seen other 
local plays and they�re just as good, except that the stage 
design isn�t as elaborate and expensive as that put up by the 
�Miss Saigon� people. But it made me proud. I remember 
singing in Ms. Lea Salonga�s TV show when I was younger. 
How should I have known that she was going to be our first
 international star? A Laurence Olivier and Tony awardee? 
Her voice is crisp and clear as a bell. Even in the soundtrack 
of Disney�s animation of �Aladdin� and �Mulan�. My 7 year-old 
neice wants to be like her. Well, most young girls here 
emulate Ms. Salonga. Her brother, Gerard, is just as talented. 
Schooled in the Julliard School of Music, he finished 
his degree in only two and a half years. I remember watching him perform in his school band when
I was in the board of judges for some musicfest. He seemed 
so humble, but talented. Lea's more outspoken. Now the brother and
 sister team make beautiful concerts  together.

"Touring the Philippines? "

I happened to have browsed through an interesting travel book on Belgium. This country is in constant internal conflict as there are the Flemish (Dutch-speaking) versus Walloon (French-speaking) communities, neck to neck, in terms of policy-making, progress, economic affairs, cultural issues to deal with. Both communities keep finding their own place under the sun. Brussels houses all that, along with about 15 EU sstates finding common ground in all of Europe (perhaps similar to ASEAN efforts in SEAsia). The European Commission translates their documents on laws and policies in 4 languages. At one point, it was said that there was even a serious shortage on paper. 
In the Philippines, you've got about 7,100 islands, over 100 dialects, left-right-moderate-extreme politicos and advisers , trying to make their mark on a national level. And you'd have to travel through water or air to get to your destination if land travel most likely poses that threat of landslide mishap, vehicular accident or bandit kidnapping incidents to bless you along the way. 
But Belgium's intesting story has a lot to do with handling multi-cultural as well as linguistic differences: there's Dutch, German, French and English-speaking inhabitants all over the land. They got all sorts of parades, festivals and carnivals all year-round that are so interesting: costumes, religious sects, philandering drunkard bridegrooms, historical origins, cats, beer-drinking, chocolate samplings and what-have-you as festive themes. Not to mention their over 500 beer brands, chocolates, diamonds and laces that cap prosperous returns for merchantile activities to attract tourists worldwide. 
Here, in the Philippines, with our 8th wonder of the world, that centuries-old Rice Terraces, muslim dances, fiestas, mud people, regional religious rituals, etc., it takes a lot to explore all of them by foot. You can't. In Belgium, all you need is a car ride for about 4 hours to get around the country and witness the celebrations. 
With 7,100 Philippine islands and the conflict in Southern Mindanao, we may however be a rich nation in terms of tradition, but the ordinary, educated Manilan can only get to know these through Lakbay TV, magazines or TV shows. Who wants to ride sinking ferry boats, WWII bus planes or catch dengue fever along the way? So much for our rich culture. Isolated from among ourselves and the rest of the world. Ano ba yan?

"Three Nights 
in Bangkok"

Years ago, my father took my sister and I once to Bangkok.
 It was a wonderful trip. My most memorable experience there 
was in the zoo. An orangutan (did I spell it right? lol) snipped at my back pocket. I 
shrieked, turned around and saw it. I held out my hand and 
shook its huge hand. It held my hand tightly and I was a bit 
scared until I stared into its blue-grey, soulful eyes. It was such a 
peaceful moment. Because when I stared into the eyes of the 
beast, I felt that I saw God. I also went to the alligator farm. I 
never saw so many alligators in my entire life. It was incredible.
 We were allowed to go out so I went alone. I 
 proceeded to Patpong�just across our hotel.  There, I saw 
the strip of joints of the flesh trade. I saw beautiful Thai women
 in sleezy wear. There was this tall woman who had her 
back turned. Her round buttocks were bare! Gods. lol. Then, 
she faced me and asked if I wanted to come in. I saw the club 
full of male foreigners and women dancing on top of tables. 
Loud music was playing. Of course, I declined. But had I 
been with a male friend, we would have sat at the bar and 
observed. Lol.

It was also a pleasant experience going to the shopping 
malls. For once, shopping was a pleasant experience. 
The sales ladies were always courteous and smiling.
 Everywhere I went, I observed the same thing. I concluded
 that Thais are a very gentle people. It made such a big 
impression me that I can't forget to this day. Before and 
after Manila, we had to make a stop-over at Singapore.
 We had to walk a long way had there not been a shuttle. 
Thank goodness.  Anyway,  in Thailand , we also visited the 
temples made of gold. Wow. There were millions of
 chipped gold pieces plastered on the walls of the temples. 
The  paintings that also depicted Thailand�s history on the walls
were also amazing. A lot of work went to it as you can see. 
Then, we went to the restaurants at night. We tried genuine
 Peking duck (my father�s favorite) and some Japanese
 food. Not bad. The area we went to looked like Malate in 
Manila. But the weather was cooler than in Manila. When we were inside this
tour bus, my dad fell asleep. But my sis and I were listening to the tourist guide
who was telling us about the monuments and landmarks to our left and right. Funny, the guide had to
speak louder over the microphone because my dad was snoring so loudly. lolol. 
I had to wake him up twice! lolol. At that time, traffic was still 
so bad in Bangkok, but orderly in the sense that I didn't see 
anyone cutting anybody off or swerving. Unlike in 
Manila. We have the worst drivers in the world (look who's talking! lol).
 Well, nothing surprises us Filipinos anymore. Anything happens
 in this god-forsaken country. lolol. (because "we have archipelagic minds", my dad
would say...that we are too regionalistic from each other w/
lots of contrasts. Everybody wants to be a leader. lolol) 
Anyway, on Thailand, they do look like Filipinos. I especially wanted to converse with some of the monks but I was told that they're not allowed to
speak to strangers. Well, I grew up with priests and a religious community. That was the first time I was snobbed by
men in robes! lolol.

"Bootlicking?"

Is bootlickig the Pinoy's easiest way to financial security and/ or to the top? 
Working in a company in this country will open to you different types of experiences if you're one who wants to progress in his or her career: You can be involved with a company owned by rich Mestizo or Filipino-Chinese families and the farthest you'll ever get on the corporate ladder is probably SVP level. The rest of the top luxurious seats are reserved for the relatives or next-of kin. Or if you're lucky enough to be in a professional work place. Okay, give me a list. 
But nowhere in my 12 years of work experience have I been witness to bootlicking based on romantic affairs with some top expats. Such an affiliation creates factions, each one protecting his or her own turf among his own countrymen. When top people ignore what's going on among themselves, those that follow below can get away with theirs. Observe how these factions outdo each other, claim credit on merits they didn't entirely earn by themselves. Maybe you ought to have an affair w/ an expat yourself. But if you look at the profile of these Pinoys who have charmed their way, most of them need the security of a promising economic life. Dont' we all? 
But is the average Pinoy worker so desperate in his lot in life to be an advocate of this sad corporate and social culture? Can we blame him? And so what becomes of the general staff? Perhaps we should also have expats as part of the general workstaff to call it fair and square. Tsk, tsk. Is it by coincidence that this is being exacerbated by the absence of a political will of government to emancipate the ordinary Pinoy from his hard life? Or does it matter more who you know rather than what you know? Oops. Or is this what a lack of the good life can do, to strip you off of your integrity if you let it? Or is it third world mentality (if there's such a thing)? I'm sure the Pinoy is above the ways of a free loader.

"IT rah-rah in Manila"
 
We're said to be the 3rd largest English-speaking country in the world. Rated no. 1 in IT manpower resources. Then there are some IT companies whose mission/vision is to provide free internet access to the ordinary Filipino. For what? To email? Surf? Play online lotto and make him rich? Going to computer school these days is so expensive. I know some Comp Sci Eng graduates in their late 20s who say that what they learned in school is so outdated and they don't have the money to upgrade their computer skills. 
So who's going to provide the ordinary Pinoy some computer lessons at more reasonable rates? Oh, yeah, you'd have to first get yourself a PC, scanner and printer, licensed softwares. Don't forget those monthly payments to your ISP. There's also the phone bills. Practice makes perfect, right? Pinoys are no. 1 in IT? Sure. How many of them? Meanwhile, you've the rest of the majority that can only afford to surf or email at P 50 or P 90/hr. Maybe we can be email/ chat experts. Ooops, mag-text na lang tayo. Piso lang!:-)

"Showing on TV 
& Mall Events"

What's showing on TV and the fuss at the Malls 
I don't get to watch TV as often as I used to. But since Sky Cable came around, I got stuck with HBO, Cinemax, CNN, ESPN, CNBCAsia, DW-TV and TV 5, MTV Asia. But tonite, I'll be waiting for Pinky Amador's documentary on the Filipinos who were involed in "Miss Saigon", London and elsewhere like Canada, Australia and Germany. Early this morning, I caught the WNBA Championship as the Houston Comets clinched their 4th WNBA crown and how the New York Liberty team tried so hard to snatch that away from them. It's only now that I've seen American women play basketball. They do play like the guys at the NBA except that nobody floats on air like Jordan. 
Meanwhile, this afternoon, I was pleased to know that at Megamall, Adidas staged this "StreetBall Challenge", with 3 players from each team, playing half-court basketball. The girls from the Philippine team creamed China-Taipei, but among the male teams, HongKong beat the Philippines like scrambled eggs. We need more special events like this in the malls. I suppose people must be so sick and tired of the usual album launchings of OPM artists or foreign acts on promotional tours with matching autograph signing. 
My favorite time to hang around Megamall, Shangri-La Plaza and Robinson's Galleria is during the Christmas season when you've got the Philharmonic Orchestra or the Philippine Army's Orchestra playing their violin strings, trombones, flutes, cellos and what-have-you to the tune of yuletide flair, even movie themes! Wonderful. Nothing like it at all as the music reverberates around the mall and yo can hear the audience applaud and whistle. They don't scream. But if you on occasion hear some screaming, expect those teeny-bopper groups on-stage, making pa-cute. It's the MTV generation. Whatever that means. You'll know. Every teenager in town has a cellphone to boot. This segment probably adds to the figures in a significant way in those reports from the papers that say the Philippines is the text capital of the world, even beating Europe to it. Really? well, look in my link referring to Philippine News and for the section on Telecommunications of the link.

"The Acronym OFW"

It stands for Overseas Filipino Workers. Filipino workers who work overseas. The acronym, I think, used to be OF...shucks, I forgot. Can someone remember what it was? Anyway, there's this cable TV program called OFW: Overseas Filipinos Worldwide. I once read an editorial in a top national broadsheet that anywhere you go in the world, you will find Filipinos. His talent gets him anywhere. Even getting there is a talent. TNT, they say. Talented Na Talented for Tago Nang Tago. (so talented in hiding from immigration authorities).LOL. 
But I understand the Pinoy who needs to find opportunities abroad. What's the minimum wage today? P 7,000/mo? I know a janitor who has been serving a big company for about 20 or so years. He's still getting P 7, 700. I asked why he never complained nor requested for a raise. He replied, " If my employer had a conscience, he would have done it without my having to ask." Is that it? If one can get away with it, it's okay? Maybe it's because the Pinoy is too tolerant or afraid to fight 'cause he might lose his only source of livelihood. Is it right to say that we owe this training to having been oppressed by the Spaniards for 300 years?

"For Keep's Sake and Keeping In Touch"

Creating homepages at Geocities is a really fun experience. I discovered the tools much later after I employed HTML on my first project, "InnerAsia's DreamBook". After getting acquainted with the other tools, I was able to do four more. It was when I finally revisited Homestead and learned that the tools are basically the same, but it has extra elements that make your homepage more fun and interactive. 
After 5 homepages, I suspect that I'll be doing more in the future. My only regret is that I do not know how to use software programs like Flash, etc. that will demonstrate animation. Nor do I know how to use audio-video software programs so I can download excerpts of my original songs. All that I'm able to do here is write prose and poetry, but another dimension to the things I can create lacks that essential core: to showcase my music online. That is the real heartbeat and rhythm of my inner spirit that loves to create. Oh well, I'll just leave that to my old recordings for the albums of Joey Albert, Pops Fernandez, Verni Varga, Emeline Celis, Berna, and Cornelia Luna. Meanwhile, I've got a load of my other compositions filed in DAT and cassette. LOL. Cassette???? 
Anyway, doing all these homepages brought me a lot of pleasant surprises. The basic task was to make my friends and relatives aware about them. Of course, who else will know? LOLOL. The next thing is that by submitting or redirecting my URLs to Yehey et al, my personal stuff will have more presence in the Net. Maybe a little press release will help should I commission my friends to write an article and have it submitted to some lifestyle editor. LOL. If it's interesting enough! LOLOL. The other rewards that this internet experience has brought me is that I hear from friends I've not been in contact with for some time. There's also feedback from strangers. It really tells you that the world is getting smaller. 
Of course, all this would be great if I could earn from the effort. My only fear is that I don't know how long Geo and Homestead keep websites for free online. Anyway, I had these saved in a CD, just for credentials purposes. And for the pleasure of being around in cyberspace. The concepts I built around the homepages were done in a very spontaneous fashion. Like, I'd sit at the desktop in a cybercafe, stare at the screen for while, then click my mouse and something happens. Maybe someday, I will tackle a much more serious topic, but my small effort of dedicating this particular homepage, "InnerAsia's Musings", to the OFW has a special place in my heart. The articles here are also more personal and written impulsively. What you see is what you get. 
This activity also reminds me of the good old days as managing editor of my college publication, CHI RHO, Maryknoll. Now if only I could have some semblance of employing in another homepage that good old feeling of having served as glee club president and as graduation song composer of Class '85 & '87. I need to learn how to use audio-video software. Maybe I can have clips of my TV appearances at "Patok na Patok" (2 appearances with Fritz Yfante as director then), "Love, Leah" (yes, I was interviewd by Ms. Salonga herself when my song entry won in an inter-collegiate songwriting tilt for Maryknoll) and "Sing-a-Win". LOL. Or when "Lovin' Time," had Joey Albert call me 'cause she wanted it recorded in Tagalog ("Hihintayin Pa Rin Kita"). "Lovin' Time" was my first 5-piece band recording of an original song I wrote that got airtime for 4 months in 4 radio stations --w/ me singing the original, huh... and no record label at that! I literally knocked on doors of the radio stations, asking them to play me. LOL. Well, I got to sing back-up in that song when it was the carrier in Albert's album, "Brief Encounters". Or how about the TVC I did for C.OD., Rejoice, etc.? Or the radio copy I did for Tide (won P & G Corp. and HLB Apple Awards). Plus all those I did in the advertising agencies. Wow. All those jingles and original AVP soundtracks for Purefoods, PAL, blah, blah, blah. Dami, eh. I just think the stuff (in excerpts) should be preserved in one place. In the Net. Pwede ba yon? What can I say? I need the money to do all that and have them all in digital format. Expensive, ha. Shucks. How frustrating. Di bale, hanap tayo ng sponsor. LOL.

"Who are the People in My Neighborhood?"
 
Stroll along the main streets of my neighborhood and you'll be surprised to see lots of young orientals walking around, dining at the restaurants or playing computer games in the cybercafes, about 4 of them here. I did this webpage in a cybercafe that's open for 24 hours, 7 days a week and managed by a Korean. Here, I discovered Dial Pad (software that lets you make free calls to the US) . The workstations in the cybercafe are all equipped with microphones and speakers and the monitors are larger than usual. If you want to have a feel of some Korean generosity, the manager will offer you free tetra-packed juice while you're surfing at 2 a.m. From where I sit as I type this, there are two Koreans to my left and right. Sometimes, I happen to be the only Filipino here as the cafe's packed with Koreans who make calls to their relatives during the wee hours of the morning. By that time, I sometimes wonder if I'm on Philippine soil. Oh yeah, I got to talk with a Filipino here and asked why there are lots of Koreans in the area. He said there's two English language schools nearby for Koreans. By word of mouth since the last 3 years, the influx of Koreans just kept coming in as schooling isn't so expensive. He said that those who can afford study in North America, but the schools here are just as good. Daw.

"Some Thoughts 
on Manila, etc."

Channel News Asia  provides a different perspective but I'm not
quite attracted to the format, their interviews, features. They go on too long. 
Even their virtual stage backdrop looks pale, but it's interesting to know what they're trying to 
do over there in Singapore. They should start being more aggressive 'though. The only reason why I get to watch CN Asia is 
because we've got Manila's Twink Macaraig there. Besides, there should be more news networks in Asia that should provide the Asian 
perspective as major American networks  and the like tend to have an American spin to their stories. But 
I think that with Asians covering stories in the region, despite their western training, help us learn how to do things better. 
However,  sometimes I'm not too confident to say that some Asian editions 
do render an Asian perspective for us to understand things better. Or maybe yet, are the stories
taken from a perspective of how the other regions
look at Asia?  Which is which?  I can be wrong about this. However, 
the more Asians covering the editions,  the better to assess stuff,  with, of course, the locals
taking the lead back home. Maybe that's what Hongkong and Singapore are trying to do. I'd like to see
Manila become a major source of news in Asia. But I think that while we do not have Asia's big businesses,
we will not be a major newsmaker in business, lifestyle, etc. except as a source for stories that have to do with 
natural disasters and political struggles. The last time I noticed that the Philippines
was a newsmaker was during the Edsa revolution. But then again, coup de 'etat's happened about 6 times
during Aquino's transition government. I was still wondering if our industries were ever going to 
make some news. Shortly after Aquino, FVR's aggressive international huddling for
investors was paving the way into more growth, until the Asian crisis hit. Malas talaga. Then,
Erap came and we have  the same kind of news all over again.

Maybe it all comes back to economics. It is sad to note that had Marcos, a brilliant leader, been more
honest in his governance, we would have been one of those business hubs in SEA. 
There's so much to recover from the billions of dollars he stole and the deep culture of corruption
that's plagued government for years. I guess, Erap's crisis is necessary in
forcing significant change in morality in government. Yet, we must not dismiss the fact that we, as citizens,
must change, too. It begins with us and our communities to set examples. Blah, blah, blah.
I don't know where this monologue is going. lolol.

Back to stories in the news,  I remember one story about the floods that the network covered last year. My friend from abroad was calling me to ask if I was alright. 
I retorted, "No, some foreign networks love to tell flood stories that happen only in a few 
streets. I'm okay." lolol. Only a small part of Manila was actually flooded, but the story gave the impression that we were  all
sinking. Some sensationalism can easily mislead and 'cause unnecessary worry. 'Cause we were at the office at that time and wondered 
what that news bit was  all about....what w/ great shots of the water rampaging in that highway. lolol. Hollywood-style. 
So we watch the news with some skepticism. It's healthy.  Besides, to live here than rather cover a story for just a few weeks
will give you a real idea of what people think. Why is it that the man on the street who's too busy plowing the streets to
earn a living, is asked to comment on the bigger issues when he hardly has time to read the papers? Besides, their profiles
are those readers who read the tabloids that don't speak intelligently about what's happening. They sell because of the
smut and the gory crimes that attract these kinds of readers. And they remain in their own
understanding of how things are in a limited way. It's no wonder why they voted for an actor even as
Erap prioritized uplifting the poor in his campaign platform. But what about his standards and style of
governing? Well, favoring a popular guy over all this is a lazy way of looking at things.

I'd like to add that it's also good for the Philippines to be  enjoying a lot of press freedom, 
compared with our other Asian neighbors who are still mum about lots of important issues. 
While some news organizations in Manila tend to be irresponsible with their news sometimes, you can't say that we've been stifled either especially at 
a time of political crisis, having the first Asian leader to be impeached. It's democracy that's maturing and at least, violence isn't in the streets when next door,
it's a whole lot crazier over there. Our economy may be at a low now, but I wouldn't exchange our freedoms with what our neighbors have...the lack of it. And I hope that
when foreign netwroks cover news in the south, to please provide a map so that viewers will know
that Manila's way too far from Mindanao. It misleads others into thinking that we also have the same rebels here
in Manila and in the key cities when people are at the malls, office or going about their normal life. Maps help people
visualize that while problems in the south are serious, it's a whole different matter to note that rebels, terrorists or
plain bandits do not run our city life. Even the expats at the TGIF bar in Ortigas Center and other places where they gather
regret that this is a misperception. 
 
 Meanwhile, in Manila, the impeachment trial's started. Sometimes, I cannot bear to watch the prosecutors to
even begin because they look so sloppy in their paperwork. Ano ba yan? Then, the court complained that the TV networks pan their 
cameras too much on the senator-judges' faces. Well, why not? Before that complaint was filed,  we saw some of them on their cellphones half of the time or asleep. Weird. Later, the cellphones stopped
and the senators look attentive these days. Somebody always has to stay vigilant and the public won't stop raising any concern at all. You should read the text messages on cellphones
(from about 2.2 M subscribers), reacting to the ongoings. The Filipino is smart and tired of corruption and incompetence; you cannot
wonder why Filipinos now have the passion to voice out their opinions when before '86, it was a lousy scenario. Now, if only Filipinos can stop making noise and learn to work together. 
We should be serious in achieving our objectives and not grand-stand all the time. We will see how our  country will rise from all this. Next year's more challenging....when the impact of all this mess 
will be felt more in our pockets after the holidays.

Lastly, I saw this corporate ad campaign by an int'l bank that advocates countries to be free of corruption so that our children's future will not be robbed of brighter prospects. 
It's a good issue to tackle for an international bank that lends to poor countries. But the campaign is a bit contrived and dishonest because it doesn't face the issues that people know. 
That international banks are run by countries dominated by world trends, and dictated by richer nations who continue to exploit children, workers and countries 
rich in natural resources. That's just one side of the whole picture. Minimizing, if not stopping, corruption is a good cause. 
But who's going to stop richer countries from using our resources in this region? That's another matter to contend with. Besides, 
more than half of the world is poor. Shouldn't corporate or advocate campaigns of wealthy companies get more real and honest? 
That's why the racket that went on at one  WTO summit is a wake-up call. Buti nga. Who are these leaders who 
think that globalization is good when they make the rules that only benefit their economies while enslaving those economies that 
helplessly accomodate them? If only the poorer economies can really get together and secure their regions with more unity 
and make bolder stands to be sure that globalization isn't going to be another carrot stick waved at them for the taking, blindly. 
The world has a long way to go to make globalization truly relevant and meaningful to the world's majority. 
And when will developed nations or the corporate world from these regions ever learn to even think about their own poor and homeless,
then succeed in looking benovalent in the eyes of poorer nations? It's hypocrisy to the hilt. 
And when will poorer nations ever have the right amount of pride not to be easily taken in? 
It's the lack of self-esteem and respect. Boring. As long as greed is in the agenda from both sides, 
we will never reach Hogwarts. Huh? lolol. Educating people goes a long way, if leaders truly want to
be sincere. So that the rest is up to us to discern what's useful to our needs and who's trying to 
pull the rug from under our feet so that we only espouse those leaders that work as real partners, eh? 
Besides, the Muggles and the Wizards still have to recognize that they co-exist and should, peacefully. 
Huh? Bwe-set! lolol.

"Filipino Women 
and Filipinos"

Women in this country have it much better than a decade ago. But go to the rural areas or provinces, some women there are still very traditional. The new millenium isn't marked in  their calendars.  Needless to say, they play the martyr roles that society and tradition taught them. I do not know the value of why Mexico's soap operas are such a hit here. Maybe that's where these women reinforce the idea that they should be 
oppressed. Perhaps, they see female villains getting punished and the Maria Clara type finally gets her redemption after the plot  portrays her as a victim of physical or emotional abuse and is rescued only because of a man who takes her in his arms (how nauseating). Why Filipino viewers love these kinds of plots is really no wonder. Just read Dr. Jose RIzal's two great novels and you see the Filipina as the original martyr.
But media, education, health advocacy campaigns and better opportunities do open women up to more exposure and learning. Women are more than just baby-makers and housekeepers. The idea isn't new. But opportunities seem available only to a small segment in our society even as hardworking NGOs try so hard to
reach out to bigger, oppressed communities. It's not enough. Much has to be done to make the stigma of being female  disappear. It's not a stigma. It's a right and something to enjoy responsibly.  Therefore to all Filipino women who want to enjoy being a woman, demystify the myth of what it means to be male. It's not because you're a woman with brains, beauty and charm that you can abuse your assets. How many women like you wish they had your assets, too and will be much wiser
in proving themselves as women with integrity? It's also Adam's fault when Eve was made from one of his own bones from his rib cage or something (something. lolol. See how the bible misleads) that this picture makes some women feel they owe it to men. Hello? But don't think, too, that Eve was more superior. She was irresponsible, too. I've seen women
play dirty and it's not  cute at all. It's insulting to women.

But this "poor to be a woman" thing  isn't so evident in urban Manila when women who hold key positions in the corporate world, politics, media and 
enterprise are at the helm, stewarding a new way of pro-active learning for  people and inspiring them as well. That's a good thing just so that  male chauvinists are made aware of their own place. 
While Filipino women continue to upgrade their lot in life as equals, the Filipino himself...man or woman, has YET to
make his mark even in homeground. We are such a disunited people...very regionalistic. And as my father says, with "archipelagic minds"...this does not serve well our purpose as a growing nation in a fast-changing global society; otherwise,  we may as well  remain so far behind Singapore (though not as repressed as they are.... lolol)
and the rest of our Asian neighbors.  So what's good about Filipinos? We are a very resilient people, resourceful, hardworking, patient (and sometimes stupid), gentle, caring, generous and loyal to our families and communities. We have a lot of contrasts, too. As we are said to be the only pre-dominant Catholic nation in Asia, we have  a lot of superstitous beliefs, too. And other contradicting values. Maybe we don't know ourselves too well yet. Even as academicians and other educators say that the modern Filipino is an interesting mix of East and West, well...what does that still mean? I dunno. 
As long as our educational system, media and other influencial systems that help shape our thinking proceed in a roundabout way, never with one unifying message, the Filipino is still in an identity crisis. Perhaps those overseas Filipinos are a helpful lot. In the face of the usual abrasive western culture and racial discrimination, I am sure that Filipinos overseas work doubly hard to preserve the national pride. But they must compell the 2nd/3rd- gen Pinoys abroad to do the same and not be so enamored by what's American or western. I think we need more books or channels to disseminate what's Filipino in our true colors and flavors.There's one artform that manifests this...in my opinion,  watch the Bayanihan dancers who never fail to
bring audiences to their feet, in outstanding applause. Yan ang talagang Pinoy! (that's truly Filipino!).

"Of Memorable Clients , Mentors, Creative irectors, Musicians, Singers"

I remember a client I had in '97. She was in her early 40s, who stood  at 5 ft. 8"...rather tall for the average Filipino woman. 
She was with this top company as VP for Marketing. She's also one of the proponents of the Phil. Marketing  orgs. Anyway, even if she was not well-liked 
by her people then, she was well-liked by us, the Agency. She was funny and always had
a smart thing or two to say about issues. She was warm, but very demanding. Like you were expected to come up with a whole new campaign in just 2 days. But we delivered.
The sad thing though was that she was caught up in the politics that's typical of big companies. Eventually, she had to leave. I remember having had a few occasions with her over 
coffee, a James Bond movie, some dinners, lunch with her or w/ her friends (who were much older than I was), 
some prayer meetings (she was probably trying to convert me into a born-again Christian. lolol.). And she even cooked breakfast for me before an early  morning prayer session (to just sing 'halleluyahs' for 4 hours!). But I thought she was 
hardput for awhile. I felt her loss. 
I'm sure it was a dream job that she had to leave behind. But after two years, she's back in the limelight. She's always in some press releases. For a time, I thought she found back her place in the sun when she was regional VP for an international broadcasting 
company . Later, in the news again, I learn that she founded her own NGO. 
And I think that she's finally come home to her calling....building homes for the poor  with the monetary and staff support of Manila's elite and companies. She's one of those survivors I met in this road of life. There are a lot of them that I've met out there. It's nice to know where your clients 
come from and what's made them become what they are now. Not any different from any of us who continue to build our lives with
purpose, no matter how huge our losses and failures. After all, if  I will remember my own success, I can go by the awards and trophies just like how a typical child is happy about his new toys. I only treasure well enough this journey of
of being in the company of men and women who share a vision, compassion, their expertise and admirable generosity of spirit. For me, that is the ultimate reward. I emulate them a lot that staying up all night at the office for many years was like a ritual of respect,  so as to
live up to what clients stand for and what I believe is right for Agency and its people to be proud and 
hardworking of their output. It wasn't easy; it was very exhausting...as they say, work in advertising and you''ll die young. lolol. 
But  up to this day, I remember them well and will it enough to write about them. Kudos to them!
This also brings me back to my 3 women mentors. I'm lucky to still be in touch with 2 of them. Successful and unto their own as women after years in the marketing communcations business, it is
 wonderful to know that I tread along the same kind of humanity, even as my country is
struggling and trying to uplift its current sad state of affairs for  stability in the SEA region. There are positions and success that I can recall and tell it. But the names and faces,  the conversations I had
 with these women are rich , deep and endearing to the heart.  But let me not pass  this moment  by w/o mentioning the men. When I went
to see "Miss Saigon", I saw my very first client...Gus. I remember him as gentle, very meticulous (that I often wanted to wring his neck!), demanding and firm. He didn't look any different back in '88! I remember his old pharmaceutical company. "The good ol' days, " 
he said, as I walked  through memory lane with him, citing that international conference on oral rehydration therapy for doctors who came from all over the world to  Baguio City. I remember that fondly, as I organized the events for the sales force of about 350 people. And yes, my mentors were there, doing the rounds with me
and enjoying the cool weather of the mountains and the smiles of delight from our happy client.

Then,  there are the Creative Directors, with whom, many a night, I had debated with, argued with and fallen into some brilliant insight with  on
the value of  the lowly, local  corned beef, a savings deposit, a payphone card, a freeport zone, and countless accounts we were tackling then. It's great to learn what makes these
CDs  tick. Well, I suppose I was engaging, too, because I don't typically  stop and take "yes" for an answer. I want to know why, how, what, where, what if, etc. Most of 
all, "why not???", if such an insight or proposition is relevant, original and impactful at all.

Equally endearing are all those musicians I've worked with. 
Brilliant, creative, but moody artists....it was swell  creating music in the studios with them. There's nothing like producing albums, doing the recordings, 
arranging music, collecting songs from writers and auditioning them (a whole experience by itself, if the song piece fits!), collaborating with arrangers on the sound you're
 looking for, the late postprod mixing with the engineers (hi, elmer and angie!), 
with them. And of course, there are the singers...sultry jazz singer, Verni Varga; the enduring and beautiful Joey Albert; the concert queen, Pops; the former Fire duel, Anna and Soraya; saxophonist Tots 
Tolentino;  jazz guitarist Rudy Lozano; new singer then, OPM's champ, Emeline Celis, etc. Then, the  Musical Directors,   such as Willie Cruz,
Gerry Paraiso, Louie Ocampo, Beth Martin and songwriters of fame, Odette Quesada, Trina Belamide, even the late Greg Caro,  among others.( I miss doing back-up vocals and demos. lolol). Hmmm...
my life is full, after all. Because one way or another, I followed in their footsteps. Yep, yep. Now why do I feel like I'm inputting all this ...for my self-satisfaction. Yep, the vanity page. lololol. 
But it's fun  to have been in the company of such great talent. It inspires me to be like them. Not too many people of my generation have this kind of experience. Nope, nope!

Then, there's my old recording producer mentors, Boyet and Danny, who know my late grandpa,  a Famas awardee during the Sampaguita Films heydeys as MD. "Kaya 
pala," they'd say.  They have always been supportive of me, these two guys and I owe them
a lot for their time and free use of the studio when they can, including our talks late in the evening over lyrics and 
melodies for singers dying to become recording artists. I served only as the girl who'd demo the songs for them on tape or 
corrected them in the booths. lolol. With talent fee, siempre.  Thanks a million, Kuya Boyet and Danny! Mabuhay kayo! And to all those I continue to emulate 
and learn from. You are what this country needs!

"Getting Christmasy"

My mom just had me taste a couple of cookies
she bought from a village near her university.  The cookies tasted like
fruitcake, with those nuts and whatever else. Then, she had me
finish this bottle of Italian red wine...a small bottle, but a little
larger than those bottles you see inside the fridge of hotel rooms.
The taste was crisp; it made me a little sleepy right away, so I set it aside
for some other day. Outside our house, we put up the white lights and
parol (that's probably 2 -3 years old). Our neighbors have theirs, too and 
I can expect the homeowners' association to start announcing the usual
contest among the subdivision members that the Christmas lights contest will 
start soon. Which reminds me, my mom asked me to paint the bathroom walls and the kitchen. I added that I should also do
that big, boring grey wall at the side of our house. The last time, I painted my lime green room to white, the bathroom from peach to orange and 
the brown gate to green. Made my eyes sore because of the fumes and my head ache for days. Ugggh. But it was therapeutic; other than 
hire painters, if you want some exercise. lolol.

Then, there's the traditional noche buena and misa de gallo or early morning masses at 4 or 5 a.m.
I haven't attended any for so long; maybe I will try to finish the recommended 9 days of misa de gallo.
After the early a.m. masses, the usual puto bumbong or rice cakes will
be sold near our church. Then, there's the usual knock on the door by kids who will serenade you with
boring Christmas songs that they haven't modified, at least, in their own words that's suitable to the times. lolol. (in contrast to the rallies in the
streets where whatever's "sing-able" will be sung
to the tune of  some hits. I used to concoct a few rally songs myself during the Edsa revolution days. It was fun. The soldiers appeared stoic, but smiled 
when we gave them food.) Anyway,  the kids won't stop at 
the gate until you go out and give them a token or two. Soon, more mail will come. 
I already got my advanced Christmas card from my youngest brother, Eric and his wife, Gina from LA. They sent me a pic of their 
new-born baby girl, Isabella, who looks more like Gina (who's Filipino-Chinese). The baby's so cute and huggable. And my neice, Mikah and nephew, Miggy 
look forward to Christmas school parties, as they are also busy practicing for their school program. Which reminds me, I have to accompany Miggy to his school program. 
The 5 year-old boy will showcase his dancing prowess, while Mikah, will as usual, upstage her classmates when she starts singing again.

A few days before Christmas, my father will come home from Colombo, Sri Lanka. Or maybe from Pakistan. He goes to those two countries like he were taking a cab. lolol.  He keeps joking that he barely stepped on a landmine. Not a nice joke. lol. And I'd have to
get some Christmas cards, write some notes to send them abroad, too. It's more personal than having to send digital postcards, anyway.

Over-all, Christmas this year isn't as cheery as last year because people are making "tipid" (saving), especially for harder days ahead, specifically if  Erap gets acquitted. That'll mean more rallies in the streets,
and investors will never return. But just the same, turning the economy around takes more than having to convict a president and I'm sure the next highest public official in the land 
won't have a grand time. I just hope that everyone will take his/her share in changing
the way we run government, business and whatever activities/causes will affect this countyr's future. Blah, blah, blah.

Meanwhile, I will have to finally get in touch with my RCW batchmates. A group of men and women who support each other after attending
Sister Harriet's "Reparenting the Child Within" workshops for the last 5 years.  The membership base is now about 10,000 nationwide. I haven't been able to attend more
Inner Child workshops, but I keep abreast with some readings once in awhile. This batch I was with is a very fun group of adults. It was great listening to their
concerns on very personal issues. I shared mine with this group of  strangers back then after barely escaping with having to render a song or two as requested by
Sr. Harriet. I obliged, of course. I wonder how all of them are now. Still processing like me and trying to come into integration and wholeness.
Still journeying.

"Thinking About Jesus"

When tragedy hits our friends, families, country or 
anywhere around the world, we are never certain about 
what happens next. Sometimes, death comes to a very 
young child killed by a stray bullet; a teen-aged prisoner is 
executed; an innocent man is convicted; a poor family's 
home is swept away by landslide, a hard-working, loving 
missionary worker in Africa is diagnosed with cancer, etc.

Then, there is mourning. That is much more certain. Grief 
comes. We do not even know how long grieving will 
continue. Sometimes for many years to some.

My question is this: Didn't Jesus have more comfort in the 
certainty that HE KNEW, after being nailed to the cross, 
HE KNEW that He was going to rise from the dead on the 
3rd day and that His name shall be glorified forever? Wasn't 
that much easier for Him? How real is He today? All it took
was the certainty of 3 days after to be exalted forever, no matter how many men put His name to shame. That the Bible will be still be the most read book of all time.

While with us mortals, we will have to stick it out for the rest
of our grief-stricken lives to live through the suffering (unless 
our lives are snuffed out w/o warning so soon). Some children 
even suffer shame because of the sins of their forefathers 
after they've been dead for centuries. But I find this quite 
disturbing: That Jesus's suffering and His expected glory 
after 3 days is something He predicted, was a fact and 
certainty....that He had the advantage?

Meanwhile, as ordinary men, we cannot predict what will 
happen to us after tragedy happens nor how long we will 
suffer. They say, all this will come to naught in the after-life. 
Yeah, right, if we qualify as angels.

But as it had been said, when Man suffers, so does Jesus.
In that respect, that is how real He is as He carries all our 
burden for us. So how does Jesus manifest His suffering in a 
real way with us today, in real time, whenever we suffer? 
Do the heavens cry that's why there is heavy rainfall?
I think He manifests His suffering in others when we hurt them, 
when we do not forgive them, when we continue to become 
indifferent. And when we muster enough humility to look
into the eyes of the ones we hurt, we may be gazing, too, 
into the eyes of Jesus, who is hurting as well. And so the 
golden rule follows: Love others as you love yourself. I think  that's my 
insight there -- to address the issue on how real is Jesus. 
That's as far as I understand it, unless if someone else can 
enlighten me some more. That would help. Thanks.

One last point...maybe the other rule follows just as 
well: "Whatever you do to the least of my brothers, you do
 unto Me." Maybe if the whole world revered and loved Jesus 
the way we love others, morality and compassion will be 
restored?

"Full Circle....When?"

I don't think the trial will continue till the next 6
months. Elections for senators, congressmen, mayors
will happen in May and the campaigns start by Feb.
Boring. Same promises, same style (bulok) from
insincere, grand-standing politicians and ambitious
showbiz guys.

Should the trial go on, it would be difficult for
candidates to decide w/c party to join and this may
jeopordize their chances. But still, if the trial
continues, I cannot think of any reasons why it
should. I will be very intrigued! And more stressed
with worry because it will harder to make ends meet in
worsening economic conditions here. The trial is good
only because if Erap will be convicted. It will
strengthen the democratic process in this country. But
if he is acquitted, I think all hell will break loose.

But I encourage the clamor for resignation because we
cannot afford to waste time in having Erap continue to
run this country. As it is, we can easily wake up to P
53+++ to $ 1 tomorrow (P 52 to $ 1 as of Jan. 03).
Even if some conservative quarters feel that being too
liberal in our cry for Erap's resignation may endanger
this country into becoming a Banana Republic....hey,
if you had too much of Marcos, then renewed hope in
Aquino and Ramos, then back to zero with Erap, who
will not be frustrated? This clamor for resignation is
our last straw.

In other words, when will conditions in the
Philippines ever improve and come full circle, for
once?????? Yep, we need to come full circle just yet.

If Erap gets convicted, I hope this will rekindle our
people's spirit to become what we were meant to be as
Filipinos that once toppled a dictator by standing
infront of tanks, armed soldiers and helicopters
hovering above Edsa in '86.

But then again, I worry about our national amnesia and
ningas kugon.

"Heroes in Us All"

HEROES: You ask where have all the heroes gone? 
There are 76 M Filipinos in the Philippines who toil each day.
 Consider 4 -5 M Filipino workers overseas. Consider, too, the likes of the women bankers who've testified in the impeachment trial by providing information and documents (to help prove that Estrada accepted gambling money and put them in the banks), despite the threat to their safety and of their families. THESE ARE THE REAL HEROES and many more.

We can also become heroes if we STOP depending on 
poor leaders who will get us nowhere. We can begin by 
becoming agents of change.

WHAT WE AND MEDIA MUST DO: 
We can begin by making the right choices NOW. Our wise votes must lead the way. Now if only the majority can get wiser, imagine.

Media should help educate the masses and stop hyping all those showbiz personalities who plan to run. Makes me sick! Media MUST play its role in educating the masses. If it's the tabloids that the jeepney driver reads, then the tabloids should stop all that smut and really write good stuff to educate the driver, the one who cleans the streets, the carinderia owner, etc.; basically, the man on the street. Why them? They're said to be the majority, the 10+ M Pinoys who voted for that hideous, ugly former actor and made him win.

WHAT LOUSY TV/RADIO PROGRAMS/LOUSY PAPERS 
DO TO THE MIND OF THE MAN IN THE STREET: If we can't find good leaders now, why did we place them in office in the first place? Because we didn't know any better. Because we believed in SOME irresponsible papers, lousy TV and radio programs. Look at the innane noon-time variety shows and the senseless evening Pinoy comedies. Do they educate the man on the street? No! Those programs continue to perpetuate his mind as utak-ipis (cockroach-brains...btw, aren't cockroaches smart, too? just curious:)

It is also so stupid of advertising agencies and advertisers to spend millions on stupid programs that only instill lousy values to the already innocent (growing ignorant) viewers who watch these programs.

SUPERFICIAL THINKING: I am so saddened by the man on the street who remains indifferent (because he has no time to think about this as he's constantly looking for ways and means to find food for the next day).

Every time I plan to take the cab, I ask the taxi driver of the cab who he voted. If he voted for Erap, he will give you simplistic reasons: "Because Erap is for the poor; because he's not like all those rich politicians (yeah, right); because he's not mayabang as he doesn't use English all the time; because he gave my barangay free rice; because he's the guy I saw in the movies who killed the bad guys, etc.

But still, this man on the street cannot understand nor even fathom that the next day, his problem of poverty hasn't yet been seriously addressed by Erap. He's happy enough that he received tokens of Erap's so-called brilliant and pro-poor governance in the form of one bag of free rice. Jesus!

That's why the media must be more responsible in educating the masses. As citizens, we can write these programs and whoever else w/ influence to create awareness that the man on the street has the power to inform and educate himself with deeper insights and not with ipis (cockroaches).

A COMMUNITY OF HEROES: THE HEYDAYS OF SUBIC: We need more of us here in the Philippines. Every Filipino can be one by inspiring others to think more deeply, love our country more and learn to get together as productive communities. NOW.

I think the SPIRIT OF SUBIC during its heydays is one perfect example of Filipinos as heroes who empower each other for the good of the community.

"A United Asia?"

(Definition?) What is being meant as a United Asia? All Asian countries as a single country? In our dreams.

How about something like a European Union ... Asian Union?

(Some scenarios)Mutual trade is also largely grounded on sound democratic governments or those on the way towards democracy. Very difficult to do still because of Asian cultures that are deeply steeped in various religious backgrounds that cover issues on sovereignty, territorial disputes, language, etc.

(Possible solutions) But even so, maybe: 1) mutual trade, 2)educating all of Asians about Asia and 3) Asian elite for all of Asia, will achieve unity in all of Asia.

(Other barriers)However, the digital divide will only exacerbate the problem of a chaotic Asia, forcing smaller countries behind and richer countries eventually behaving like the super powers.

(Target Market?)A United Asia must be a whole entity for the upliftment of the POOR. Period. Because most of Asia is poor. Address that first by making sure that the rich will not become richer and the poor, poorer.

(First Strategy?) Maybe if all of Asia's elite get together and address the problem of Asia's poor?

Possible target date? The next century.

"In Our Own Backyard"

The papers say that the poor are responsible for having given Estrada the most votes because they don't know how to vote. Unless they inform themselves, stop watching those stupid noon-time variety shows, stop reading smutty tabloids, they will keep voting for their idols who aren't even competent and have poor moral standards. Worst of all, they will be happy enough with hand-outs and free sacks of rice given to them by opportunistic politicians who aren't serious about improving their welfare. I pity Filipinos who are blind, ignorant and stubborn about better informing themselves. What's really bad is that the poor cannot see the rationale behind why Estrada must be punished. Marcos and cronies got away with it ...which is why People Power 1 was a waste. Will it take a 3rd sequel for Filipinos to learn? God forbid! If that happens, then these two bloodless revolutions will be a shame because Filipinos did not take responsibilty. Not just those in government. I talk about the rising of civil society...which I think is what People Power 2 was all about.

Media must also stop hyping actors and personalities who plan to run in May. They are also largely to blame for miseducating Filipinos. Because the poor (who are also so busy trying to survive) will hang on to their idols as a way of forgetting their problems. They will absorb the most sensational information they can get about their idols and consider it as absolute truth. Therefore, the media must do its role in doing more intelligent and pertinent shows. Do they want the poor to remain ignorant and stupid?

CNN was also insensitive when it said in its Special Report last Sunday that People Power II was an uprising of the emerging middle class. People from all walks of life were there and in the streets of key cities nationwide, as covered by ABS-CBN's Cable News, GMA and radio. CNN did not look at what was happening in the provinces, too. ABS-CBN and GMA did better.

Lastly, those who went to Edsa for People Power 2 was the thinking sector. From all walks of life. I have hope that the poor is intelligent and this recent historical event is an awakening to their innate brilliance. We may be a poor country and have empty pockets, live in shanties, etc., but our spirit is so rich and full of God's grace. No wonder, we are blessed as the only predominantly Catholic nation in Asia.

I am so proud of 
what we can do. 
I want to be proud 
of what else we can 
do after People 
Power 1 and 2. And puh-leez, let's not give ourselves the excuse to do a 3rd! 1 and 2 are exemplary, but doing more than that will destroy what we have gained. Katangahan na yan, noh.

It's interesting to note how we as a people will change for the better. Let's stop blaming government, but not be complacent either in our vigilance. Being vigilant is being responsible for our future. We, ourselves, must initiate 
change from within.

"After EDSA DOS"

There are even the wealthy who do not have the capacity to think, analyse and uphold moral standards, especially when they have all the resources to help this country move forward, but they do not. That is a real shame. I read before that many years ago, Japan's elite got together once and for all, and worked for the good of the country. Here, most of the wealthy remain apathetic to the majority and continue to support those erring in government.

But I refer to the poor as those majority of voters who catapulted Erap to the presidency in '98 as the papers said many times that that's where his winning base comes from. Unfortunately, the poor unwittingly made a grave mistake because they are not capable of looking beyond their starstruck eyes. I hope that this May, the poor will have learned how to vote wisely.

The media must also do its role in educating the public instead of putting actors and personalities in the spotlight just to increase viewership.

Even last night, we had over the local TV networks wasting so much airtime by giving prominence to the questions raised by Erap supporters as to the legitimacy of GMA. Why devote so much airtime to this issue? They continue to show Erap departing, waving and with these three women who ran to his arms crying and pleading, "Bring us with you to Hawaii. Please!!!" LOLOLOL. TV broadcasters must stop playing these video clips and get on with the job of educating people. They did a good job for their full coverage of the impeachment trial. Why waste all that with stupid Erap video clips that no longer have a role in rebuilding this country?

Furthermore, even as GMA isn't the people's choice for president, my God, I'd rather have her as our constitutional successor than retain Erap. Even as successor, how do we explain the fact that she had the highest number of votes (more than Erap) during the '98 elections. I'm curious now about where those votes came from. Anyway, let's give her a chance (what can we do?). Besides, it's our job to make sure she does hers. Then when the next presidential elections come in 2004, we will be in a better position to know who has performed well during this very important period after People Power 2.

Lastly, I hope that the lessons of Edsa 2 will sink in among the poor who comprise the majority of votes. Of course, those with influence and resources must take part in the rebuilding, but since it's been a longstanding fact that those with the influence/resources of this country are hopeless and will forever remain as a selfish and boring lot, I have more hope in the awakened poor as manifested in People Power 2 nationwide. They have the true spirit of inspiration and providential grace. Now if only they'd stop idolizing blindly and refuse hand-out's from opportunistic politicians, that is very key in helping change the politics in this country.

It works both ways between public officials and Filipino citizens. Let's not feed on each other's weaknesses just for our own gains.

Like I said, if we all want good leaders, let's help in informing and educating everyone else in the promotion of good values and leadership on the basis of competence and not star quality. Also as private citizens, we must also promote honesty, good work ethics as employers and employees. I still see some companies whose executives and workers also possess the bad qualities of Erap. Not very different, really.

It all begins in our own backyard.

"May day! May day! 
Poverty Power Unleashed!"

GMA's performance today to stop the violence in
one day is admirable and I hope she keeps it up,
especially by meaningfully addressing the
grievances of the poor, as expressed desperately
and angrily since the last 5 days or so. And if
ever GMA's starting/doing programs for the poor
as she reiterated that her administration has
more programs than the previous government, I
think she should also communicate these clearly
and more often.

Anyway, I remember my early observations of how
GMA responds to questions in a telecast
interview. She can be so candid that impressions
on this candidness may easily be misunderstood as
arrogance. However, after today's biggest
challenge in her first 100 days in office, after
all those interviews on-air after she declared a
state of rebellion, I began to realize that this
candidness can be disarming to listeners if they
are caught off-guard by it. But I think it is
really her. I'd like to think so as she
spontaneously responds to questions without
needing that charm of what's-her-face-superstar,
La Aunor? lolol. In fact, her responses can be
surprisingly candid nor does she mince any words,
but I suppose she is so into it, into
understanding the issues at hand and responding
quickly (even becoming very reactive that's so
characteristic of her), that she doesn't have
time to recite the dramatics of lies. In fact,
her critics say she lacks drama or is sometimes
deemed as indecisive. But at least, you'll just
have to take her responses as they are, without
the embellishments of a movie star. Not that all
her comments are always correct, but I'd like to
think that they're not lies.

In other words, that even behind GMA's candor is
a woman who is processing her thoughts on this
country's myriad of problems. That beneath the
candor of her remarks, sometimes mistaken as
indecisiveness or given little thought, there
lies the strength and intelligence of a maturing
leader when push comes to shove. I really hope
so.

Anyway, to digress a bit, some quarters disagree
with her declaration of this state of rebellion
and say it can pave the way to martial law. She
said it's a lesser version of it and it's
applicable only in Metro Manila until the
rebellion is crushed. Well, I don't know how else
you can control a defiant crowd that's intent on
barging into your house, some of them under the
influence of drugs?

I think peace and order must be restored
immediately so we can all go about the task in
rebuilding this country and taking heed to
poverty's wake up call as demonstrated recently
in the streets of historic Mendiola. Given the
right support and the drive to once and for all,
pay more attention to the needs of the poor and
all those disenfranchised sectors of society, I
think GMA will make a good president. And she is
well aware by now of the Filipino's growing
impatience with society's and government's
age-old ills.

Lastly, the spiritual component, whether in
private or in public celebration, makes the
meaning and magic of historic Edsa a source of
pride and inspiration for Filipinos. Right after
the dispersal at Mendiola and at Malacanang, Edsa
Dos folks reclaimed the Edsa Shrine and went back
to prayer for peace. What a nice way to end the
day, after a chilling night that swelled on till
morning and henceforth.

Mabuhay to peace and justice!

"New Games Old Power Grabbers Play"

On GMA's eagerness to grab power prior to
Estrada's jueteng scandals or earlier on...she
handled herself poorly, but maybe she was
pressured by the powerful Chinese conspiracy,
Erap's drinking buddies, apart from the fear that
she could have easily been salvaged like Bubby
Dacer.

But her facial expressions are  problematic. It 
makes her project herself with lack of charm or
PR, but then again, didn't charm and PR bring
about the poor's fanaticism on politicians who
carry about their hidden agenda by using the
Pinoy's lousy version of Hollywood magic?

It's GMA's job to clean up government....GMA
Labandera 'ika nga. That's a tough job  to do as 
she'll only win more enemies. The idea is that
she has to be tough and more decisive. But then
again, somebody has to advise her on how to
manage and flash a smile with appropriate timing.
Maybe it's her facial fixation....lolol....but it
doesn't help project her true goals.

On the bloodshed yesterday....what does one
expect when confronted with a violent mob?
Besides, 'though highly emotional and legit their
grievances, it's the leaders who abused their
rhetorics on stage to prod the mob to barge into
Malacanang. And where are they now? Disowning
them and claiming they had nothing to do with the
crowd's behavior yesterday...the washing of hands
is so style bulok in Philippine politics. What's
new?

In addition, of course, whether or not you have a
good, legit cause, as long as violence is
instigated, everybody loses.

Meanwhile, Enrile et al are just politicking
away, planning more coups because they've been
unsuccessful since Cory Aquino's days. The
problem with the fanatic poor? They know so
little about what instability does to the peso
value or why the crime of economic plunder robs
everyone of a better future. They're more
attentive to the houses, food, etc. that Estrada
and cohorts dole out to them. Which is why they
remain blind to his crimes and all they ramble
about all day long is that he helped the poor.
Yeah, right. ZZZZ. They have no frame of mind to
realize that while they may enjoy Estrada's gifts
today, their children and children's children will
have a harder time in the future, to rise above
their poverty. Those dole-outs have been powerful
weapons in projecting Erap as truly por-poor, but
it just doesn't solve the problem of poverty, on
the long-term. What Erap did was use it to build
up his false image. Their idols? They just
manipulate their thinking, instead of educating
them, too.

As long as we have the powerful forcing their
hand on the poor for their own ends, the poor
will always be the victims. And government will
have to play it compassionately with these
victims and find ways to bring them back to the
fold. They should show the poor that rendering
justice, empathy for them and solving problems
peacefully is the proper, moral direction of our
people. But if violence is the means to justify
anybody's end, government has no choice but to
treat those responsible with force.

There should be no kid glove treatment to those
who manipulate the poor to make them what they're
not meant to be: Misguided, violent and
drug-crazed addicts in the streets.
Rehabilitation and loving counseling must be in
order. The swift dispensation of justice must
rule over the likes of those rogues such as
JE et al. They've been bringing down our
people's aspirations for a just and honest
society for decades.

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"America's New War"

CNN Q&A's TOPIC VIA EMAIL ALERT, Dated Sept. 15, 2001:
Does it require an unconventional response?  If this
has been a  declaration of war, how does one fight it?
 How can one win it? Clearly the 21st century
battlefield is one we have not seen before.
=================

Truly, that seems to be the challenge of the times.
While democracies around the world, like America, have
one way or another condemned or forced its ideologies
on repressive regimes, the price of democracy is
having to deal with those who insist that their
dictatorial way is better. And the tug-of-war between
democracy and tyranny is usually becoming more
barbaric because we have failed to tolerate others, 
anyway.

Democratic countries have continued to provoke
repressive regimes, denounced, pressured and
sanctioned them instead of letting them deterioate
under their own follies. Just like what happened to
communism in Russia, and the knocked-down walls in
Germany, or the Marcos dictatorship in the
Philippines.

Democratic nations need to be more patient instead of
having to force its will on immature nations who don't
see the benefits of freedom just yet. Because
democracy is forced upon them, America responds in
ways that is most natural to repressive
regimes....barbaric. And that's what they remember,
the similar, past barbaric response of the US, not
what America wants them to embrace....democracy.

An unconventional war only means having to forgive and
tolerate. For once, let America lead the world into an
era of enlightened wisdom and peace because of
forgiveness, despite the undescribable grief over its
losses. It's not the only nation in the world that
mourns over its losses.

If America wants to remain great, it must now
transcend its traditional super power-bully attitude
by spearheading a renaissance of spiritual awakening.
America can usher in a new age where love, tolerance,
and peace can only happen by making the ultimate,
painful sacrifice of forgiving.

However, those reponsible must be dealt with in the
SHADOWS as well. It doesn't have to mean bombing a
nation like Afghanistan. It's difficult to bring those
responsible to jail or whatever, but massive military
force upon an immature nation that shelters terrorists
will only spur hatred forever. We''ll never see the
end of it. That kind of action will not only affect
American interests worldwide, it will affect the world
as well as it could easily bring in a 3rd world war,
where religious sect conflict can grow into a global
scale.

So America has the perfect opportunity to show what
mature democracy can really mean even when it is
provoked by barbarians. If it does what terrorists
want them to do, i.e., behave like them, then
democracy is a mere illusion. It only benefits those
countries that are powerful and prosperous, while it
forces immature, poorer nations to embrace it. So
where lies tolerance when propagating democracy to
immature, poorer nations? Let them make their own
mistakes. Sooner or later, freedom will reign for
homegrowns who will eventually tire of repression. It
happened here in '86.

InnerAsia
Manila

�Beating Gossip Before It Beats You�

Leah, a newly promoted 24 year-old sales executive, was looking forward to having coffee after office hours with her colleagues. She found them busily huddling by the stairs. But when she was about to open the door, she overheard the familiar voice of Jay, her boyfriend, saying, �It�s so sad that Leah would go that far  to discredit Angie to get that promotion. I expected more from her to play fair. Poor Angie. I knew it. I should�ve courted her instead.�

Leah couldn�t believe his remarks. That confirmed her suspicions on why he had not been returning her calls lately. Leah closed the door, rushed back to her seat and thought things over.

In a nearby mall, Rina was arguing wth her boyfriend, Jess. He had accused her of flirting with his bestfriend, Mark, when Jess was on vacation with his parents in Baguio. Rina explained that it was Mark who invited her for a movie; she declined the invitation, but Mark insisted so she went but had her bestfriend, Tess, with her to see the movie with  Mark.

At a loss for words, Rina felt betrayed by her bestfriends, Tess and Mark. How could they have twisted things around and now Jess believes their story?

How many of us have experienced our loved ones believing rumors about us like Leah and Tess have?

Leah and Tess have become targets of gossip in their midsts; rumors churning its deadly wheel of distrust and disquiet. They have become victims of their own revelations, twisted then by the people they trust most.

What is a rumor? What is gossip?

A story is said to be a rumor when facts are twisted and become sensationalized. Gossip is the act of spreading the rumor by people who   habitually reveal things said in confidence, then  are passed on with sensationalized versions to others.

How did gossiping start?
Gossiping is a social phenomenon as old as mankind�s ancestors. It is a form of communication that defines the accepted boundaries of social norm. Even during the period of early man, there were rules and social standards to follow. So when members of a group, clique, social class or faction go beyond the parameters of such groups, humans cope with perceived unacceptable behavior by gossiping

Sociologists suggest that the activity of gossiping places  unacceptable behavior among the precipitators into a safe category outside of and defined by society. Victims of gossip fall into this category or are labeled in many forms by the churning wheel of gossip for as long as they do not conform to general accepted standards of behavior by a particular social group or class.

Social groups cope with unacceptable behavior by distancing or disassociating itself from the objects of the gossip. It is because society tends to fear the unacceptable or refuses to acknowledge things or people it cannot understand. Hence, victims of gossip are naturally ostracized; thereby, they become objects of convenience. They turn into a source of entertainment by persons or groups who cannot cope with perceived social misbehavior.

Gossiping can occur anywhere. At the work place, among family, relatives and friends, at school, even in public office. The consequences of such can either be harmless or some are known to have devastating effects such as the falling out of spouses, the loss of a job or promotion, the loss of trust between the two people.

What causes facts and reality to become rumors?

Rumors spark a life of their own without following any logic. Any situation about anyone can easily be transformed into sensational and even bizarre twists of fact and reality.

However, most rumors especially thrive on unusual situations that people place themselves in. Because people want predictability in their lives to feel safe, anything that catches their eye or  differentiates with their idea of what is ordinary and conventional unsettles them to a certain degree.

In order to cope with this discomfort, people will naturally affiliate with others by building on details other than sticking to the facts. They cope by  adding some spice of their own to the story. Hence, a sense of comfort zone suddenly surrounds them and the circle that empathizes with them, thereby, protecting themselves from situations and people they cannot understand or are perceived as threats to their emotional or social security.

So if you are a victim of a gossip attack, what steps can you take to combat this? There are several ways.

1. 	You can fight the ruthlessness of gossip by being passive about
     it, by ignoring it altogether.

Most rumors have a life of their own and continue to spur more life for as long as people have something new to talk about. But the fact remains clear. Rumors have temporary life spans. They will die out on their own.

So do not contribute to breathing life into a rumor, especially if you are the victim. For as long as you go about your way of life, without having to step on the toes of others, wait out the rumor till it loses steam. Next thing you know, a new rumor will surface and it doesn�t have to be about you this time.

2. 	If the gossiping is being exacerbated by the ones you love,  speak to them in private and in a loving, non-confrontational   manner.

Loved ones who victimize you by being spokespersons of gossip usually seek more attention from you. It may have been precipitated by your inability as couples to devote more time to address the concerns of your relationship; hence, your partner unwittingly resorts to spreading rumors. �Though this is unwise and immature of him, give the relationship a chance to open the Pandora�s box. Find out the heart of your troubles with him.

By spending quiet time with your partner in private, you have a good start. Ask how he�s been doing, if there�s anything in your relationship that troubles him. Get to the root of the problem. The subject of the rumor isn�t usually the root of the problem. It�s usually about areas of your relationship that require more discerning and an honest evaluation by both parties.

3. Maintain open and honest communication lines with your partner.

This helps dispel rumors and usually discourages either partner to resort to third parties in order to draw more attention into your already troubled relationship.

However, if your loved one is a habitual rumor-mongerer and refuses to respect the intimations you�ve entrusted to him, it�s time to seriously consider bailing out. A real, loving relationship begins with respect and trust. Without these two first prerequisites, love is only but a shallow speck in your goal of being happily together. 
 
4. 	It�s time to confront the source of the rumor if it has tarnished  
     your reputation, caused you needless anxiety, makes you less 
     productive at work or is the source of conflict with your partner.

If you know who started the rumor, ask for time to sit down with her or him in private. And when you do, tell the party involved that the rumor has affected your peace of mind and that you would appreciate it if they stopped.

Make your confrontation brief. Do not use sentences that begin with �You� to sound accusatory. It only makes the offender defensive and he/she will most likely clam up. State your case briefly, but firmly by also avoiding mentioning other names.

Victimizers of gossip usually do not give deep thought about facts. They find it easier to put in sensational details. Most rumors have lost their original content when passed on from one person to another. The more sensational, the more hot the issue, the better it sounds, the more likely people will talk about it. It is because people who are in the habit of gossiping are motivated by a number of feelings such as feelings of inadequacy and  envy, wanting more attention from others, idleness and an acute lack of priorities in more important aspects of their lives.

So even if the source of the rumor comes from your love partner, these are telltale signs that something is amiss in your relationship with him and invariably, in his own life.

5. Calling attention to yourself only fuels the gossip further. 
 
Keep a low profile by keeping busy or by just doing your best at work. Don�t worry. Your work will speak for itself. Just be yourself.

Do not dress up inappropriately, laugh out boisterously, cajole others to your side or provoke your adversaries. In other words, don�t do anything that will risk embarrassing yourself because you�re still in the hot seat. Play it cool. Be patient. Things will come to pass.

6. 	Idle time with your boyfriend activates idle talk when he believes in gossip about you. It may mean that your relationship lacks shared character-building values.   
	
    	Sharing a relationship that is focused on productive time together brings about shared values. The absence of shared activity or common interests in relationships create idle time spent on small talk rather than focusing on each other�s strengths.

It is advisable to engage your partner in a shared hobby such as sports, arts, reading or any interest that will help you both to veer away your attention on comparing yourselves with others and their relationships. When the latter becomes the focus, feelings of jealousy and comparison build feelings of resentment that may not be manifested openly, but in other coping, escapist mechanisms such as participating in gossip.

Sometimes, when a relationship is not mature enough to comfortably and honestly handle intimate talk that seeks to solve problems between partners, either party uses elements outside the relationship to avoid unpleasant confrontation between each other. 
 
   	Hence, shared activities not only create a healthy atmosphere between partners; it teaches you both to communicate exclusively and intimately without undue emphasis on other people�s perceptions of your relationship.

7.  Say a silent prayer for those bent on gossiping about you.  Learn to laugh about it.

It not only takes your love partner to keep the rumor going. So say a silent prayer for those who participate in spreading the rumors. Their opinions may hurt you for awhile, but if your conscience is clear and you act with prudence that is far from causing harm to you and anyone, the rumor will die a natural death.

If your boyfriend insists that the rumors about you are true, you cannot waste your time to convince him otherwise.

You have a full life ahead of you that speaks of your truth. Follow what is right in your heart with a clear conscience. Pray for those who have nothing better to do other than to pounce on the misery of others. Your life and actions make who you are as long as you remain honest to yourself and others. Let others prolong their lies. Sooner or later, one lie tells more lies until everything becomes totally absurd and ridiculous, people will tire of it.

You see, the good thing about a rumor is that it becomes a delicious, sensationalized pint of news that becomes bigger and bigger that it is no longer believable. Kill the rumor with laughter.

The nature of gossip is a paradox. It breathes life on its own without warning and then it becomes suicidal with the passing of time. It kills itself by its own relentless love of absurdity, along with the persons who participated in it, until absurdity is obliterated into insignificance, most likely, be overshadowed by something newer and much more sensational. Because gossip will always find new targets. That is its nature.

So the rumor doesn�t have to be about you this time. It could be about your ex-boyfriend.

And that�s the truth.

�TGIF: Timing In, Not Timing Out�

Thank God, it�s Friday!

The TGIF syndrome is a social misnomer that has become symptomatic of a working class that struggles with the dichotomy  existing in our work culture.

It is a misnomer because it calls for a need to take a break from hard work. Taking time out from the frenzy of corporate life. But that�s not true at all when in fact, Friday night-out�s mean we�re actually looking for opportunities to time in into more important aspects of our lives.

But these opposing directions of timing out and timing in precipitate that inner malady we feel while at work. This is because, on the one hand, climbing the corporate ladder defines the path we take to manifest our healthy quest for self-esteem and self-fulfillment.

On the other hand, a successful career provides us comfortable standards of living that allow us to perpetuate the culture, if we were to borrow the language of eating disorders, to binge and purge.

Yes, we binge and purge.

We work hard for many years at having the means to binge, to enjoy the comforts of living and to take pleasure in creative ways. Then, we purge to release the stress we bring upon ourselves when we binge in the first place. That truly, TGIF, we deserve a break.

So there lies the misnomer.

While the 70s and 80s paved the way for the traditional role of breadwinner among men that included newly liberated women, the 90s see an upsurge in women taking part in multiple roles as working mother, housekeeper and wife, then, finding that something is still missing. Is that all there is?

Leading sociologist, Judith Posner, Ph.D, suggested in her book, �The Feminine Mistake� that her dozens of interviews of successful professional women are �all questioning the denigration of domestic life and the exaltation of workaholism and consumerism. All are pioneers freeing themselves to make the choices right for them.�

However, today there seems to be an accepted general perception that the matter of gender stands little difference when climbing the corporate ladder. More and more working men and women have more become daily survivors in harder economic times. Even  the would-be millionaires who once believed that they were not going to work as long and hard to earn more than what their parents had in their lifetime, have awaken to the reality of the dotcom bubble burst.

What does this mean? It means that working people want more time to tune into more important aspects of their lives.

But still, TGIF remains as the sticking point. TGIF is so reflective of our lifestyle that it precipitates the dichotomy of society�s expectations of us.

Posner maintains that earning a livelihood, no matter how rewarding the opportunities we pursue, becomes characteristically neurotic in nature. That we have become attached to our jobs. There is an involuntary association with what we do. Like how social etiquette goes when we greet each other, �And what do you do?�

In fact, we gather in nearby bars after office hours at the end of the working week to engage amongst ourselves about the telling of the social dynamics of the career climb and office politics.  And while we�re at it, we slip into our deep issues about our family and love relationships.

This, in fact, is what TGIF is all about. We need to time in into more important aspects of our inner lives rather live the misnomer of the TGIF syndrome of a time out. We work hard as what is expected of us. Then, we use the time out from work to play hard. Working hard and playing hard oppose each other diametrically. The latter, is actually timing in, to find play time with our inner selves and with significant others, thereby, reinforcing the notion that TGIF is actually about building or repairing our relationships.

So if you�re about to TGIF, think of it as precious time to re-enter into your life and all the important aspects that make your life. While work and building careers does bring us self-esteem and fulfillment, we are human creatures that belong to a social family whose very existence and meaning depends on relationship-building. The material or financial rewards that accompany our climb up the corporate ladder only but brings that ambience to enhancing our relationships with creature comforts. Nonetheless, timing in when it�s TGIF cannot be deemed as a break but an investment in refocusing our priorities and making our lives compatible with the essential, all-compassing human value for home, family and community.

Engage your colleagues and superiors, if you will in quality TGIFs. If possible, coordinate with your HRD Manager on how you can balance timing values with your company work culture and objectives. Because as hard economic times push us to work harder to keep our jobs and grow for better opportunities ahead, there is a greater need as well for human support and relationship-building; otherwise, the pitfalls of the career-consumer complex, as Posner puts it, will only exacerbate the complex into mere survival existence. When earning a livelihood therefore will aptly be called more of working our way to deadlihood.

�Trusting Again�

What does it mean to trust? Trust is one of the basic feelings we learned from early authority figures in our life such as  our parents, godparents, teachers or older siblings.

Basic Trust

Renowned American psychoanalyst, Erik Erikson, conceived in  his theory of psychosocial development that the first stage of eight stages of development begins in infancy, the oral-sensory development stage. From infancy up to two years, the infant learns �that he is entirely dependent on others for the satisfaction of his needs. If he receives consistent love, care and stimulation, especially from his parents, he develops a sense of trust.

Because of our first experience with trust, there are also experiences of the opposite. When an infant does not have his diaper changed, when he is ignored when hungry, develops a basic mistrust.

Our first models for learning to trust comes from our relationship with our mothers. As infants, our mom�s loving touch has embedded feelings of security and love when we were hungry, irritated with our bed-wetting, our need for sleep, our growing familiarity to be held and touched. Touch is the first language of love that teaches us to trust those who love us.
This sense of trust also teaches us to trust ourselves.

However, the crisis mode of basic trust is basic mistrust. When our early basic experience and understanding of trust runs counter to our experience such as maltreatment, we learn to mistrust. If  basic mistrust is severe, the child becomes withdrawn and apathetic, his hopes dashed for getting what he wants. Erikson further explains that we carry our basic trust into adulthood, thereby, having faith in the world and in oneself that develops into a belief in the ability to live a meaningful existence.

Trina, 25, who sat through a counseling session is trying to understand her feelings of hostility towards others. Through the process, she tells her counsellor that she remembers her older brother, Joey,  telling her that she was a bubbly, cheerful baby before her mother started working. Everyone was excited to have a new baby sister in the family. Joey even used to watch his mother change Tina�s diapers. His father also beamed with pride as she was being breastfed. And when night time came, as Joey recalls, the lullaby his mother used to sing to him as a child echoed in the hallway as Tina was being lulled to sleep in his mother�s  arms.

But shortly after Tina�s birth, her mother had to become a full-time executive secretary. In came Rosa, the yaya, whom Joey says, was stern, grouchy and cold.

When we experience trusting others, we are also bound to experience betrayal.

As adults, we experience trust in many forms. In the same vein, we also experience mistrust because of our awakenings to the experience of  betrayal. The feelings of betrayal become more pronounced when we are betrayed by significant persons in our lives, especially by a boyfriend, husband or lover. In essence, our experience with some amount of basic mistrust as infants resurfaces in our adult life when we are betrayed.

There is no escaping from the realities of experiencing trust and betrayal. Like when there�s joy, there�s sadness; when there�s success, there�s failure; when there�s peace, there�s war. Such is the paradox of  life.

But how do we make it easier upon ourselves to accept the ironies of life? How do we begin to trust again when we have been betrayed painfully especially by the ones we trusted most? Certainly, there can be nothing more devastating than being betrayed by a husband, lover, family member or a best friend. When we have entrusted our full confidence in them, but they have turned their backs against us, have used our faith in them against us, how do we begin to trust again?

Taking the steps to learn to trust again:

1. 	Touch builds trust.

Find a family member, relative or friend who knows your troubles and listens to them without condemnation. When you are reminded of feelings of betrayal, ask him to hug you. Ask him to hold your hand when the unpleasant feelings arise.

2. 	After blaming him, blaming yourself is a form of depression turned inward. This is the time to listen to your feelings by giving it a face.

Basic trust means having the sense to trust yourself, too. After your lover has betrayed you for another, and after you have blamed him and the other woman, we tend to fall into the trap of blaming ourselves. This is a natural process that attempts to cleanse ourselves of toxic feelings that continue to confound us. By trying to dilute these toxic feelings, usually that turns into deep sadness, we will want to get rid of  them. So when we reach the stage of blaming ourselves, this is a natural process that we must attend to in order to turn self-blame into self-empathy and self-responsibility.

Sheila, 29, made all the noise, shed her tears, cried out her  disappointment, expressed her anger towards her ex-boyfriend, Mark. who betrayed her. She caught him kissing her best friend in a corner of restaurant when she was dining with her family. This infuriated her and of course, Sheila grew sad that after a year of having been together, she could not believe that Mark would betray her.

Weeks after her break-up with Mark, Sheila�s feelings of betrayal have turned into a looming sense of sadness and loss. At this stage, her �if�s�, �should have�s� and �should have not�s� ring loudly in her head. When we find ourselves in this stage, our expressed blame towards the betrayer loses steam as the feelings of betrayal continue to find new ways to escape. Sooner or later, we finally place the blame unto ourselves for having been betrayed. For allowing it to happen.

But we mustn�t stop there. We must not stay stuck in self-blame. Instead, the �if�s�, �should have�s� and should have not�s� must evolve into the here-and-now. As you sit and wallow in self-blame, your growing sadness and loss turns inward. You are approaching the stage of depression.

But it�s okay. It�s okay to have those feelings. Because by acknowledging them in your life, you are just about ready to give your feelings of sadness and loss a face. Put them in your owns words. Write a poem, a song, anything. Paint or sketch, if you like. And while you�re at it, the feelings that loom from within, the silence that tears at your heart will find its way into new form.

When this happens, your natural sense for self expression begins to challenge your inner voice that self-blames. You�re in the early stage of  self-accountability that wants to set a new covenant for yourself.

4. 	As you confront the feelings you feel during self-blame and depression, activity will trigger off  your natural instinct to survive.

While in the process of giving your feelings of doom self-expression, engaging in activities that encourage this process  prepare room for your new self to emerge.

Bob, 25, rediscovered his childhood hobby of  making crossword puzzles and asking his friends to solve them. As he was structuring the puzzles, he noticed that his words reflected his recent bad experience with his ex-girlfriend. He constructed clues that referred to legal terms, traffic maneuvers, politics.

In other words, Bob found ways to sublimate his painful feelings of self-blame in a creative activity. Slowly, his sweeping generalizations about himself begin to dissipate.  His core beliefs about his own inadequacy no longer hold him prisoner. At the same time, his attention began to focus on other things other than himself. With the problem-solution mode of an activity such as constructing word puzzles, Bob is subconsciously conditioning his mind to tell his heart that he is ready to dissolve his depression.

Matthew McKay, Ph.D and Patrick Fanning, authors of the book, �Self Esteem� (New Harbinger Publications 1987) describe this process as distancing. It is putting space between yourself and the words by using images or words.

As we engage in creative activities, we open up ourselves to interaction with others. When our  world of betrayal experiences isolate us for awhile,  time allows us to recover in the company of our own stillness,  silence and prayer. Until such time arrives that we break down painful feelings and restore them with positive ones. The company of people in creative activity induces that process. So while you�re at it, betrayal is replaced by joyful and productive interaction with others. And your inner strength returns to basic trust with self. From self-trust, we are more clear about our past experiences and will open new guidelines we want to practice when we are ready for new intimacy in our life again.

�When Shopping Gets You Down�

While today�s hard economic times force you to scrimp on your already dwindling budget, some of us can�t still resist parting with our peso mostly on items we think we need, but really don�t. That�s because shopping leaves lots of room for us to act out our compulsions. Our impulse to have what we think compel us to make hurried money decisions, then, we regret them sooner or later.

Sociologists say that shopping is a form of addiction when it gives us a constant high that we cannot sometimes control. When we don�t really need a brand new pair of shoes after purchasing one last week, we still go to that store for the branded pair of shoes we can�t keep our eyes off. Or when we buy double or triple of the same item when we already have them. Or when we think that buying another colored shirt when the new blue shirt still hangs fresh in our cabinet. Then, when you go through your cabinet to make an inventory of things, you find more than what you need in there. But then again�

Shopping can sometimes be a stressful activity, but it gives us an adrenaline high when we step into the mall. Because suddenly, we are drawn to the mall rat culture. The razzle and dazzle of the mall is music to our ears and a feast to our hungry eyes. Yet, while the hard times remind us that we can no longer afford to waste money, still we cannot let go of the habit of shopping compulsively. And this leaves us anxious after a long day at the mall. Realization sets in. That we wasted our hard-earned money again. Then, we feel bad again and again as we give in to our impulses.

So what practical steps can we take to beat this form of addiction?

1. Make a list of things you need against a list of things you want.

Susie, 24, thinks she needs make up to replace the set her sister gave her. In truth, she wants to have control over the choice of color and decides that buying a new one will satisfy her.

2. Differentiate your needs from your want.

A need is something you cannot do without. Such as food, water, shelter, transportation, among others.

Wanting things we think we need is tricky. Because when we want, we are appealing to our sense of choice.

How to tell the difference?

A new pair of pants because you�ve outgrown the old jeans, tells you it�s time to get one. If  you don�t purchase one soon, you won�t have anything comfortable to wear. Clue? You are addressing your basic need of comfort.
You feel you just don�t need a new pair of jeans. You actually want a new pair with a brand name. But it costs more than your budget. In fact, you want two shades of the same brand.

Scenario: Susie decides that buying a good pair of jeans is all she needs. Because wanting a branded one that costs more than she can afford is catering to her want for choice.

Wanting allows us the freedom to choose, to go for alternatives or options. When needing an item addresses our basic need for comfort, wanting gives us the power to choose from different alternatives. What does this mean?

Underneath the exterior of our wants, we are actually addressing our deep social wants. A branded pair of jeans makes us feel more trendy. And when we think we are trendy, we receive more peer approval. Or when getting two shades of the same brand is what we want, we also like to appease our feelings of insufficiency because that bothers us. And so we hoard. We buy more than what we need. Because having extra leaves us in no doubt about the feeling of lack.
  
	Philip Kotler, one of the world�s leading authorities of marketing, differentiates the human need from human wants. He says, �A human need is a state of deprivation. Humans have many complex needs. These include basic physical needs for food, clothing, warm and safety; social needs for belonging and affection; and individual needs for knowledge and self-expression.�

He further explains, �Human wants are the form taken by human needs as they are shaped by culture and individual personality.�

So when we have unlimited wants, but have limited resources, we want to choose products that provide the most satisfaction for our money.

In other words, our human wants become active agents in that decision-making process of buying in order to consume. When we want things, we draw out our power to choose. Which is why we are more than animals that only need to feed their hunger to survive. As humans, we have a host of social wants that appeal to our cultural values, personality, intelligence and perceptions. Other influencing factors are also largely attributed to the powerful influence of advertising, television and other forms of media that provide us the power the choose within the backdrop of a consumerist society that pressures us to have more, achieve more and be more.

4. 	From your �Needs List�,  prioritize. Rank your list from highest to  lowest.

Identifying your priorities helps you focus on the more essential. It also helps you plan ahead for your budget. What basic needs in your life need more attention?

5. 	From your �Wants List�, prioritize. Rank your list from highest to lowest. Categorize your wants: social wants (for more family get-togethers, more time
      for friends, dining), self-improvement (beauty, books, etc.),  hobbies, interests 
      & entertainment  (a cooking course or seminar, books), among others.

Identifying your wants and ranking them helps you keep in touch with your social wants. It also brings upon you a sense of more self-awareness of who you are and who you are not, of what you want to make of yourself, your dreams and aspirations and what you are doing about it.

This process allows you to take stock of your life and helps you to become clearer about yourself and goals.

6. 	After completing the lists, make a cost estimate of each of the items you need against the items you want. Then, add up costs of the �Needs List� and the �Wants List�. Compare the costs.

Comparing costs from your two sets of lists helps you absorb the data; thereby, appealing to your sense of logic and reality. Obviously, you will find that the grand total cost from your �Wants List� will cost double, if not triple, the grand total cost of your �Needs List�.

When the cost from your �Wants List� values more than your �Needs List�, you will later need to find other ways to attend to your various wants without spending so much.  
 
7. 	After comparing the costs, count how much money you have and how much money you don�t have.  Then, plan ahead.

If you rely on your daily school allowance, you can project how much more savings will be required to buy what you need. Think in terms of time. How much can you allot for the first week, the second week, so on and so forth. What other expenses will you might incur unexpectedly? Jot that down, too.

8. 	If you own a credit card, project how much you�ll need to pay after making a purchase. Don�t forget to include the compounding interest rates on your projections.

Using a credit card gives us the power to cater to our wants without worry for today. It means we are to take responsibility to take care of our credit card payments tomorrow. But since using them has caused you anxiety, a constant reference to your projections or past purchases helps you wake up to the reality: That you don�t need a credit card. Better yet, the sooner you can pay off your credit card balances, you will rid yourself of worry tomorrow.

9. 	When you�re bound to be in a shopping mall, bring only the cash you need.
       If you own a credit card, leave it at home.

Tackling the problem is easier than you think. Nip it at the bud. Unlike how the advertising message that goes, �don�t leave home without it�, learn to live without it. You may be cruel to yourself today, but you�re actually doing yourself a favor.

As Scott Peck said in his book, �The Road Less Traveled�, �Delaying self-gratification helps us become happier with our choices.� We become better prepared by doing away with short-cuts in our decisions that will make us miserable in the end. As we  know,  self-discipline is what we need to learn to avoid making mistakes.  So a shopping list that is a well thought out inventory of your needs and wants is an activity that gives you the proper judgment to make good decisions that enhance your productivity and fulfillment.

10. Plan  your activities ahead of time by adjusting your choices.

To avoid needless expenses, we cut through the chase of making our way to meet our objectives. Planning means you have stock of what you already have, know what you need and want and have an idea of how to get them.

For instance, Becky, 26, a working mom, is nuts about coffee. She loves coffee beans because she savors the taste and scent of freshly brewed coffee in the morning before going to work. She even had been spending a lot more on different brands and kinds of coffee beans, most of which sit idly in her cupboard because she has no time to brew. No matter how much she wants to start her day with brewed coffee, she�s simply too busy attending to her kids who have trouble getting ready for school. There never seems to be enough time to wait for the coffee machine to grind the beans. Compounding her discomfort is the amount of money spent on coffee beans she doesn�t really consume,  on  more gasoline her car uses when stuck in traffic to bring her children to school and less time reach the office.

See how the ordinary case of wanting to brew coffee complicates Becky�s mornings.

While the old adage, �the early bird catches the worm� works best in all situations that require more of our time we don�t have, planning our activities ahead, along with a good shopping list will help Becky learn to adjust.

Instead of coffee beans, she learns to acquire the taste of instant coffee. And she enjoys her newly acquired taste for instant coffee with an extra 20 minutes she now gets over the morning newspaper. Better so, she wakes up a little bit earlier than usual. That�s how she now enjoys her instant coffee. She had done away with the nitty-gritty of waiting time for coffee to brew. She enhanced the simple choice of settling for instant coffee with her bigger want to be informed by having more time for the morning paper. The night before, she taught her kids to make their own list, too, so they don�t have to rush in the morning.

�15 Ways to Make Men Crave For You�

Craving for something is a desire for us to consume it and feel  gratified by it. Much like craving for a pizza. Or wanting to eat a horse, as the pun goes, when we�re starving. Or craving for sweets, among diabetics, who never seem to get enough of it.

Imagine, therefore, if we could have our man crave for us. Much like how he ravages through the fridge to get his beer after coming home and  after only a quick peck on our cheek that we waited for all day.

Looks like your love relationship has turned boring. So boring that ESPN has taken much of his attention away from you. And here you are, the one craving for him instead. Now, isn�t that fair? What happened to those phone calls every night? And those flowers, those flowers. Bouquets of them. Have the shops ran out of them? And the chocolates? Who can ever forget those Belgian praline chocolate surprises even when it�s not Valentine�s Day?

Whatever happened to the fire? Might as well burn the house down if you want some heat in your relationship. Well, if your thoughts make a gross turn for the morbid, don�t you think it�s time to light his fire once more?

So how do you turn earthly desires into insatiable thirst. Here are 15 ways:

1. Look at yourself in the mirror to see if you�re delicious. Are you?

Do you think your love handles are crispy enough to bite? Get real. Your man would rather sleep on them if he can�t find his pillows. So that doesn�t work to your advantage, does it? No man can make love when he�s already asleep!

So what do you do? Get a work out.

2. 	As you work your body back into fitness,  make abrupt changes in your schedule by spending more time away from him.

As your body begins to take shape, let him notice. But don�t give him the chance to see you as often. 	Make him miss you. Go out with friends, engage in interesting hobbies, take cooking classes. Whatever it takes to keep you preoccupied.

Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder. But do it with a twist. See him for only 15 minutes.

3.  Make it quick when you go out on a date.

Since your man�s used to your presence, this new strategy will make him beg for you more. Bring your cellphone. Tell your friends to call you up when he�s about to talk intimate with you. Spend a little more time in the ladies room. Have your old boyfriends dine in the same restaurant, but be discreet. Pretend it wasn�t a set up. Ask the waiter to keep coming back for more orders.

4.  Install a new line at home while keeping your old one.

Since part of the problem is that he�s calling as often as he used to, have a new landline. When he calls, simply dial up your cellphone to call your new line so you can answer it.  It�s not that you�re two-timing him with another man. You�re just giving him the impression that he�s not the only one who calls you at home.

5. Get a new look.

Sport a new hairdo. Dress up smart. Change your style. This will keep your man wondering who you�ve been seeing besides him. Just say, �I feel good!� And you do! Give yourself a pat in the back. You�re simply loving yourself more.

6. 	Shift your conversations to topics you�ve never talked about before.
	
	Read the newspapers. Read suspense-thrillers, not romance. Watch CNN. Avoid topics that will urge you to pour out your feelings like it�s the end of the world. You know you miss him terribly since you started this routine. But give it time. You need to enjoy yourself for a change.
	 
7. 	Get a  new pet. A male. 
	
	When he comes by for a visit, call in your new, cute dog. Give it a name. A man�s name. Then, stroke it as you greet your boyfriend at the door or sit on the sofa. Keep your hands busy on your dog, not him. Let his hands ache for your touch. Don�t put the dog down, too. Talk about what your dog does. And when your boyfriend wants to French kiss, train your dog to lick strangers. Teach it to get in your way. Don�t worry, your man will survive.
	
8. 	Keep an itinerary and stick to it. Don�t let him change it!
	
	As your conversation with him rolls along, find ways to let him know about your schedule without making him feel he�s being left out. Mutter to yourself, think aloud. That way, he knows you�re busy. He knows you�ve gotten a life. 
	
9. 	Change your perfume.
	
	Get rid of your old brand. Try new ones. Different ones. Even those out of character. If you�ve been wearing sweet fragrances, try the bolder ones. The sense of smell sends messages to the brain. It usually is sexy. 
	
10. 	Don�t smile too much or laugh at his jokes too easily. 
	
	Don�t show too much approval. Give him room to doubt his skills for comedy. Instead, learn new jokes, tell it to him and laugh whole-heartedly even when it�s not so funny. It just shows that many things now, even the simple things, can make your day. True enough, when you do learn to take notice of them, you become more aware of your blessings and feel happier. It�s better than pouncing on your man all the time, telling him that you miss him. Give yourself a break!
	
11. 	Say you love him in a very sexy way only when it�s absolutely necessary. On ordinary days, say it differently.  
	
	Change the tone of your voice from soft to matter-of-factly. Sweet nothings lose their sweetness when you utter them with the same amount of sugar. And when it�s time to bring out the spice, surprise him with a bedroom voice he�s never heard before. But makes sure that doesn�t happen often. Practice. Listen to the DJs on radio. Project. Learn to act. Most of all, be very brief and concise. 
	
12. 	Don�t give away your affection like it�s free. Make him work for it.
	
	Just because he�s used to your hugs and kisses doesn�t mean he can have them every time now. Wear a jacket if he�s in a hugging mood. Chew gum if you think he wants to kiss. In other words, don�t spread yourself too thin, even literally. Delay your affections by several more minutes. Better when it�s time for you to go home. 
	
13. 	Stop making those calls like you used to. Just leave a note. K.I.S.S.! (Keep it simple, stupid).
	
	Edit your note loves instead of your long professions of love and devotion. They�ve lost their novelty. Learn to be a copywriter. You can  find samples of that in romantic print ads like wine. 
	
14. 	Do item #s 1-14 for 2-4 weeks. By the end of the term, spend more hours with him on one date and show him your love.

Affirm your love only on special days. This makes him feel assured that you really love him. If he feels neglected and your heart is breaking inside, explain it gently to him that you�re just loving yourself more. That it  doesn�t mean you love him less. In fact, by feeling good about yourself, you�re in a better position to love him better. 
	
15. 	Get better at getting a life.

Just because you have a relationship with your man doesn�t mean you can�t have a life of your own, too. There�s so much that life can offer you. So while you have your man�s love, make sure you give love to yourself as well. Surely, this process will open new doors for self-discovery.

�Can Best Friends Be More Than Friends?�

Rarely is there a time when we wake up one morning to find that life does seem rosier than before. Perhaps we�ve been too busy going about our usual way to even notice. Or perhaps, divine providence has showered its blessings on earth this one fine day. But you find it strange. Surprisingly, but pleasantly strange. Flowers seem to be in bloom this time of year. But it�s the rainy season!

On the other hand, you�re worried. Come now, life�s been good to you. You have family and friends with whom to share the good times and bad times. Why fret?

This afternoon, your best friend, John, says he�ll be dropping by  to borrow your new CDs. You put the phone down. Your heart skips a beat. Nah. Must be that movie you saw together last night. It was a great love story, really. Really? You sigh. A sigh of relief? That was good�to have been hushed away after office for two hours at the movie house with John. That�s not it? PMS then. No?

Oh, okay. We understand now. Well�admit it.

You can�t.

So what�s the problem then? 
 
The old saying�s been nagging in your ears all morning.

What saying?

�Lovers can be friends, but friends can�t be lovers. � Brother and sister perhaps? That�s just it! That�s the problem.

So you�ve fallen in love with John. Will you let him know? Afraid not. You just might drive him away. Lest, he�ll just start courting his crush. What�s her face? Jenny? Ugh. You hate her guts. What did John see in her, anyway? She�s loud; she�s a little chubby; she�s not as cute as you think.

You�re cuter?

So where did you go wrong? Why Jenny and not you? Don�t you hold all the cards? Every weekend, you�re together. You go shopping together, both your families take trips together, he tells you his problems, you tell yours. He knows your favorite dish, pet peeve, and what-have-you. You know his secrets. How he stole the car keys one night and came back the next morning with a straight face before his father. 
 
	So how come it�s not you?

Chemistry.

What?

Chemistry. Not carbon dioxide equals gas emissions and stuff like that. Romantic chemistry. That tingle in the heart when your amorous feelings for a man can�t help but show.

You do have those feelings! So what�s missing?

But that�s it. Chemistry is a two-way street. It happens not just to you. It must happen in John, too. In other words, romance is in air when both people smell it from each other.

Change your perfume perhaps? Wear clothes to show more skin? Get a work-out? Have your teeth cleaned? Wear lipstick?

Fine. But how come he�s still asking about Jenny?

How about using the power of touch?

Oh, he�s used to your hugs. Sometimes, he puts his arm around your shoulder and it feels like a dead log. But these days, it�s as light as a feather. What happened? Has he turned into an angel?

We don�t think so.

You have?

Of course not, silly. So what then?

It means that your intimacy needs have resurfaced because they found their comfort zone in the company of someone you trust. And love.

Not brotherly love, we know. Romantic love. Well, maybe John reminds you of your father who�s been abroad all this time. Maybe you�re just looking for a father-figure.

Perhaps so.

But he�s your age! How can he be a father-figure? Perhaps because as you get older, your need for security and love are growing. Blame it on Erikson�s psychological developmental stages.

But you�re way past a teen-ager, for goodness sake! You�re 26!

Well, there�s Maslow�s Heirarchy of Needs. Women in their mid-twenties in this day and age are said to have the need to settle down.

But you don�t want to get married. No? Truly not. You still have a lot to do in your life.  What is then that you need?

You�re at that stage in your life when you want to invest in a loving, long-term relationship. Blame it on Maslow again. That�s how he sees it. You�re an adult coming into full bloom. That�s it.

So what are you going to about it?

You can tell him.

Tell him that your feelings for him are not just friendly now. You�re afraid that he might freak out? Well, make yourself a little unavailable this next two weeks. Weigh things out. Maybe it�s just PMS. No? Okay, his eyes seem browner this time; his smile, sweeter; his touch tingles under your skin. Are you sure?

Give yourself time away from him a bit. That�s right. If he wants to drop by, tell him you have to meet your mom. Go out with your friends from high school. Take a cooking class. Make him wonder. Make him miss you.

When he drops by again after some time you�ve spent for yourself, think again. Feel if you�re ready to tell him. No guarantees �though. Perhaps he�ll really freak out. Maybe he�ll start calling Jenny, after all, instead of you. Maybe you can�t see movies with him anymore. Maybe he won�t tell you any more of his secrets. Maybe he won�t help you with that aquarium you�ve been telling him about. Maybe he won�t stay for dinner during Christmas Eve. Maybe he�ll change plans during the holidays without you,  him and he�s family.

Maybe he�ll disappear from your life forever. Wow, that�ll hurt.

But you see, life has no guarantees. You have all these �maybe�s�, but you haven�t even tried. That�s one fact about love and life. You take the risk. You take the chance. You let him know or he�ll never know. You simply take the chance!

If he can�t handle it, then that�s his problem. His loss.

Think about it. If you�re good with male friends, there�s a good chance that you�ll meet another. Then, maybe John won�t look like that knight in shining armor you think he is�eeerr, the moment you started feeling romantic towards him. Or maybe he was and still is a knight in shining in armor, but he�s not just ready to give his heart away, especially to you.

Life can be a downer at times, right?
 
But that�s it. You�re ready for love. So what are you waiting for? If he can�t handle it, start dating. You�re 26 and you deserve to be happy.

Happy. Oh, deliriously happy. Don�t you think so? Take a chance on love. If it�s not him, sooner or later, it might be the neighbor next door.

Surprise!

�Looking for a Relationship -- for Love or for Money?�

The economic crunch these days for women  who want to settle down are making their options harder. The numbers just seems to be dwindling. More eligible, successful and financially secure bachelors these days are either already hitched, they�re gay or have no money.

So what�s it going to be?

If you�re a self-made woman who�s up in the corporate ladder or on her way up, it�s only natural to find your match. But that�s the problem. The men you�re looking for aren�t available.

Well, you�ve tried love. Three years of devotion were wasted after Jake dumped you for a richer girl. So are you going to take that route, too? Seek a man who�s richer than you are when love�s promises failed you before?

So what�s wrong with that? Jake�s happy now. He�s comfortable, too, during the holidays in Paris. In fact, he�s getting engaged to the same girl.

So why can�t you have that, too? Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves to be blessed.

Hang in there. Not everyone.

If you�re out to live on the wealth of a man without love for him, you�re bound to be either a beaten-up wife, a glorified prostitute, a wallflower or a plain housewife required to give him babies every year.

So choose. Love or money. What�s it going to be?

Love isn�t too bad. Sure. Times are hard and nothing in the economy makes us think that growing a family will be any easier. But isn�t love in a relationship the best anchor for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health?

How about till death do you part? We�ve not come down to that part yet. Hang in there.

Well, for instance, if you�re in a relationship only for the money, you might end up going through times alone. At least, you can still go shopping even when you�re alone.  Or when you�re sick, at least, you can hire a nurse to be at your bedside. Or if you�re lonely, you can simply take a cruise on a ship to the Bahamas and find yourself a blond and blue eyed sailor in one of those luxurious cabins.

But if your rich man gets broke, what happens to you then?

But can�t money, if he�s rich, weigh more than your love for him? What�s wrong with that? And what if he loves you more than you do love him and better yet, he�s rich?

You�re lucky. He�ll spoil you to death. Meanwhile, if that blond and blue eyed sailor does catch your eye not just once, but more than twice, so on and so forth, what�s your life going to be like? A mistress at sea? A jet-setting wife when you return? A mother when the cruise is over? What kind of life is that?

Besides, who knows? You might get AIDs. Okay, that sailor had an HIV test. He�s negative. Okay. Go ahead. Take that cruise again, leave your husband behind, but take his money, anyway.

But can�t you have both? That would be great, wouldn�t it?

That happens only in the movies, dear. How many women do you really know who truly love their rich husbands? Better yet, how many women do you know who truly love their rich husbands and their husbands don�t have other women in their life?

Like they say, it takes one to know one. If he�s rich, taken you as his wife and has other women you don�t know, while you�ve gotten rich with him, don�t love him, and have other men in your life, too, what kind of life is that?

It�s one hell of a convenient life, isn�t it?

But five to ten years down the road, do you think you�ll have the stamina to keep up with the Joneses in such a union? What will become of your children? Oh, if it�s really yours and your husband�s goal to grow the family tree from all directions and places, you�ll have no problem. You�re just going to run a family of illegitimate children who�ll perpetuate the patterns of their parents.

Then ten to fifteen years down the road,  your lenses will change. All of a sudden, you wake up from your multiple affairs and find that you�re alone, after all. Well, you�re still rich, but you�re alone. That blue eyed sailor you want to live the rest of your life with is still single while you�ve been not. But he�s waited long enough for you to file those divorce papers. You can�t. The divorce law is still pending in Philippine Congress. It�s been a sitting duck for years now and you�re not getting any younger.

But your blond and blue-eyed sailor�s waited long enough. He can�t hold out much longer. He wants to have a family. Sure, you�ve sired a kid or two in the last 6 six years with him. But he wants a legitimate wife. Children with a legitimate name. Too late.  That�s a problem. So what do you do?

Erase. You�re instead going to have a relationship because you and your man love each other, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer. And love will see you through the years till death do you part.

That page on �till death do you  part� described in the previous scenario failed. You stopped short in �for richer or for poorer� because your rich husband�s businesses didn�t last, the government confiscated his business licenses, he has a pending case in court for drug trafficking and smuggling, sold all his properties and left you penniless. Too bad. You thought he was really filthy rich. He was. Rich, but filthy.

But who knows what else true love and commitment can bring in a relationship? Instead of a cruise in the Bahamas, you�re happy enough for the holidays in Baguio City. Instead of fine dining, owning club shares or spending time with other matrons in your circle, you watch your kids grow up with the same values such as respect for self and others, loyalty, honesty and commitment.

The man you love, on the other hand, happens to be ambitious, hard-working and a good father. By end of this year, he�s done with his postgraduate studies and a multinational company is going to hire him. His compensation may not be enough to send you to the Bahamas every 3 months, but at least, you have no blond and blue eyed sailor to worry about. Your eldest son is joining the Philippine Navy and he is growing up to be such a fine, young man. He�s graduating with honors. Meanwhile, your teen-aged daughter is doing well in school, too, and she has a good head on her shoulders. She saves her money, is picky with men and disapproves of her classmates who�re dead-set in ending up with rich men instead of men who love them and they truly love.

Then after a long hard day at the office, you catch pneumonia and are bed-ridden. You can�t afford a nurse, but at least your husband watches over you and holds your hand when you doze off to sleep because of your medication.

Five to ten years down the road, your children will already have children of their own and not one of them will hopefully, be borne out of wedlock. Your family name is carried with  honor, loyalty and integrity.

Ten to fifteen years down the road, you won�t have that blond and blue eyed sailor to think about because he�s the one having different women of different nationalities. One afternoon, a friend emails you and tells you that your sailor-friend has AIDs. As the day draws to a close and you�re about to retire to bed, your loving husband comes home from the office, finishes that meal you painstakingly prepared for him, he takes his shower and then, cuddles up to you. And to think that you were that close to marrying that rich, playboy bachelor when you don�t really love him. Wow, your life would�ve easily turned into a nightmare ten to fifteen years from now.

So what�s it going to be? For love? Or for money? It�s your choice. It�s your life. Life is what you make it out to be. You can be wise and you can be smart. But can you live your life with integrity and self respect? It really depends on your make-up, upbringing and values. When our time�s up, we have to be answerable for all our actions and choices. Not only to God, but to all those whose lives we affect because of the choices we make. Rightly or wrongly.

So will it be for love? Or for money? Think. How will your life be ten to fifteen or so years from the time you make either choice. The scenarios above may well serve their  purpose. But just the same, you make your own life story.

�Stop Blaming and Start Living�

Are you a whiner? Would you rather criticize than praise? Do you find complaining easier than solving problems? Well, guess what? None of those will ever help you get past the very things you find fault with or blame on.

Sure, the traffic�s worse, as usual. Just a little rain and cars are bumper to bumper. Now you�re late for your meeting and the bank�s just closed for the day. How are you ever going to get through your day? Guess again. No matter what, bad hair days are here to stay. It just won�t go away. It�s a fact of life.

So how do we stop blaming everyday irritants on our parents, children, government, the world, even God? Here�s how:

1. Before you start your day, think of 5 good things you can look forward to during 
    the day.

While we are hardly ever wrong about things going haywire at the office, at home, in the shopping mall, at the bank or anywhere else we intend to be, we can also be very wrong about the good things that are in our midst.

What are these? Blessings. Think of good things as blessings. It�s that smile on your child�s face. That call that said that your mother feels better. The scent of wet grass upon the onset of new rain in a hot afternoon. A host of other things we take for granted.

2. When we start blaming, we can�t stop.

Blaming helps us cope with unexpected incidents in our lives we would rather do without. It is temporary relief that appeals to our instincts that get rattled from time to time. It is a knee jerk reaction that helps us let off some steam.

However, as we are about to let off some steam when we blame, the problem with blaming is that it takes up so much energy from our inner peace of mind as we continue to do so.

So when we�re about to ramble on, take a deep breath. Breathe in through your nostrils and out through your mouth. When you breathe in, make your stomach rise. Watch how a baby sleeps. His stomach rises when he breathes. Then, when you breathe out through your mouth, bring your stomach down.

Breathing in and out helps us release pent-up negative energy. This simple exercise is practiced in yoga. You can refer to yoga books for more information on how to meditate and breathe. But for the moment, before you catch yourself blaming the world and everyone else, take this easy and practical step.

3. 	Find quiet time for at least 10 minutes by focusing on your inner silence amidst the noise and confusion.

You can train yourself to focus by listening to a piece of classical music. When you do, tune in to a whole orchestra play. Then, close your eyes and find the clarinet. Or the piano. Or timpani. Or any single instrument you choose.

Then, when confusion breaks out and everything is falling apart before your very eyes, breathe in and out, then escape for at least 10 seconds from it all. Focus on a particular sound. If you�re upset with an unreasonable client over the telephone, instead of blaming your boss or anyone else, shift your attention to, for instance, the humming of the air-conditioner. Or to the laughter in the distance somewhere outside the hallway. You are simply delaying the build-up of disappointment and anger with productive silence.

4. 	When you�re rambling on with blame, catch yourself in mid-sentence and be   
       offbeat.

Imagine if you were shouting at the top of your lungs and all of a sudden, you just laugh heartily? Challenge yourself during the most trying moments like when your patience is running short. Have fun. Laugh if you like. Jump in place. Why not clap?

The more you shift your attention by doing something really offbeat rather getting yourself all too wrapped up in the verbalizing of blame, the easier it is for you to deal with the unpleasant feelings.

The added benefit to being offbeat at such a heated moment with people concerned also helps to dispel the blame. So that you and those involved can quickly get down to the business of understanding the problem and solving it.

Blaming only begets blame. It is a form of verbal violence upon others, whether they intentionally or accidentally caused you trouble.  So take heart. You are not really a violent and rude person. You�re just stressed out, but blaming only increases your stress.

5. 	When someone blames you, use that focused hearing exercise described above.

No one wants to be blamed for something we didn�t do, especially when the cause of the problem is not of our doing but by the irresponsibility or carelessness of others. If you�re the target of blame and are authorized to be responsible for it, do not react. Instead, before you feel that you�re about to have a knee-jerk reaction, focus on something you can hear faintly or from a distance. The objective is to invite calm into your inner space when there�s too much noise in front of you. Then when your angry party is done, narrate what happened accordingly. Notice that the volume of your voice is moderate and pleasant to hear. This way, your angry party calms down, too.

Just like how blame begets blame, if we are able to focus on our inner sense of calm that we can project this outside for it to affect others more positively.

6. 	When going through a loss, you can�t blame your mother forever. Nor can you
      blame your father who spends more time away from home when your boyfriend
     cheats on you.

Experiencing loss of our relationships is never easy. Unresolved losses leave us feeling short-changed, betrayed, unworthy and a host of other bad feelings we�d rather do without. So the questions come pouring in without pause.  And when there are more questions rather than answers, our vulnerability becomes more pronounced. That vulnerability mirrors our feelings of original pain so much so that we blame our parents for the recent losses in our lives when they even have nothing to do with it.

When your thoughts and feelings are about to turn to original pain, this means that our negative memories have not yet been healed. That our wounded child is still caught in the past and this has contaminated our life. So what do we do? Renowned Inner Child Theorist, John Bradshaw, in his book, �Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing the Your Inner Child (Bantam 1992), suggests, �Reclaiming your inner child involves going back through your developmental stages and finishing your unfinished business.� Bradshaw�s successful workshops all over the U.S. have found its way in our local setting. There are now a lot of trained professionals who follow the principles if Bradshaw�s Inner Child work. You can consult your university or the website to find out where you can attend the workshops near your area.

While the scope of blame can mean from the simple verbalization of blaming ordinary situations and the players of such situations or irritants to happen -- to  the issue of blame and loss, the latter requires more reading. It is recommended that since the issue of blame and loss involves a deeper relationship dynamic, seek more information in self-help sections of your library or bookstore. Counseling and professional care is also recommended for persons who want to understand the topic more or who want to repair damaged relationships or cope with loss of relationships as manifested, among many others, through blame. The issue of blame is wide and deep and cannot be oversimplified in a step-by step article.

Do Today�s Young Fashion Designers Care For Taste?

Standards of beauty and decency that emanate from the mainstream of the fashion world find young designers breaking every rule.  Their radical ideas challenge age-old tradition and some have even made lots of money for doing such.
	It was diva fashion editor, Diana Vreeland who once demanded that the �eternal worry� about good taste is a waste of time. That she trusts her own sense of style. But fashion review circles continue to be baffled by the question of who has taste and who doesn�t.
	Among the three iconoclasts who advocate Vreeland�s independence about taste are Stella McCartney, Nicolas Ghesquiere and Miguel Adrover, today�s most influential forces in fashion. 
	Good fashion sense used to matter, with ladies dressed appropriately for the occasion. But without a doubt, McCartney, who designed Madonna�s Highland wedding dress for the Ritchie nuptials dons a T-shirt that reads KEEP YOUR BANANAS OFF MY MELONS, teasing runway photographers. 
	Nicolas Ghesquiere finds bad taste as inspiring. �When everything is perfect, it�s boring, � he claims. Going against perfection, he designed the likes of an intarsia knit sweater that shows the head of an Altasian dog and now, five shredded, tattered versions of the dime-store wedding dress, a stark contrast of pristine elegant wedding gowns for the traditional wedding gown look. Kate Moss and newcomer Delphine model his clothes and Ghesquiere finds the models like photographs in the windows of provincial French salons. 
	Nevertheless, the fashion establishment is beginning to find that young designers mean to offend, often putting in question what is deemed as good taste or otherwise. 
	For instance, Coco Chanel in 1962 went on to prove that times are changing. Fashion history has taken note of these changes in the same vein that Saint Laurent went out on his own, started creating a stir with pop-art motifs on miniskirts and unlaced- to-the navel, and cropped-to-the thigh safari dresses. Even then in the 60s, Channel maintained that the place for the skirt hem was just above the knee. 
	Even with current revivals of the lace and raffles, including the 70s look, many would shun such revivals with raised eyebrows. Until of course, the age-old promotional tricks of an upcoming designer manages to take stock of big-named stars to further establish new trends and make it as a matter of fact. 
	Even Miguel Adrover�s mix-and-match line of navy, white and red coordinates makes a personal shift to emphasize the meaning of what is good taste. Madonna, Karl Lagerfiled and Micuccia Prada are hardly ever behind the times that even the matter of good taste, despite our fixed perceptions of it as proper, coordinated and never over-rated, become mixed in the genre of what young designers are able to do with fashion statements that scream from the mouth of superstars. Oscar nights, premier events and product launches of sky-lit Hollywood and other American cities always showcase an exciting runway of stars who are walking advertisements of  their work. 
	Adrover further adds that � the idea of taste promotes some kind of rule, but who is to say whether good taste from another sense is more tasteful than the other?�
	Ghesquire, on the other hand, along with his stylist collaborator, Marie-Amelie Sauve, have particular fondest for small-town taste. He prefers things that are a little weird; whereas, designers before him and others commonly narrate 18th century courtiers, 19th-century icons or even 1970s English aristocrats. Even the father of pop culture, Andy Warhol and his influences are mirrored in today�s clothes that seem to cry out for social and political statements, to reveal that the times are moving fast and we can longer remain in our cudgels of comfort.
	Much like Coco Channel�s early beginnings when she opened her hat shop on the rue Cambon in 1910, who was every bit as provocative as Stella McCartney is today. Though her early creations were unalluring, unsophisticated and far too youthful to women of the bell opoque years where women were upholstered in lace and jewels, Channel, nevertheless did not conform to the more full-bodied ideal of beauty as a young woman, clad in elegance and style. Instead, she donned men�s trousers, espadrilles and lots of pearls hanging from her neck. 
	McCartney�s party image and sexy, good-time girl appeal does much to express what women want as did Channel�s understanding of newfound feminine freedom. McCartney�s designs for the brand, Chloe, is resounding sales at the cash register for Chloe pants, horoscope t-shirts and sunglasses. 
	So where does the matter of taste lie with new designers these days? Where local taste may find such creations as eye sores, western influence does catch up this side of the world, mostly through the media, noontime variety shows and in faint attempts during film festival nights and awards. The print media has, in fact, provided old and new designers alike, the vehicle to stamp print their creations on magazines and newspapers with celebrity quotable quotes reminiscent of Oscar fare. Starlets like Rossana Roces alone have done ala-Jennifer Lopez naked, see-through silhouttes and have gotten away with it, reverberating the name of the designer responsible for finding such a good promoter who dons his creation with pizzaz. Even the public may raise hell for such vulgarity of the flesh on television, but the choices are clear on who wears the signature brand, whether or not the designer was propped up in good taste or not. 
	Even as designers haven�t installed their namesake to brands, the brands alone do carry the culture of what is outrageous and unconventional. Mall rats scooting in and out with their faddish cellphones and revved up engines in commercial areas do question the issue of taste. Cinderella�s clothes do carry an interesting line of psychedelic, punk and 70s look wear, while even traditional, conservative outlets such as the SM and Robinson�s  Department Stores retail brands that cross-over between Asian conservatism to a dash of western indifference through tinges of color and cuts. However, young designers here are treated differently from the high-falutin life of Hollywood and London fashion houses where they do make the brands and not otherwise. Even so, good taste or bad taste is fashion sense that whips up a storm for its right timing, its intended pun and powerful endorsement of high profile personalities who get away with it. Gone are the days of what is good taste and bad taste in the fashion world. What is left is the veering away from the conventional that overrides the purpose of constantly wanting to challenge the times.

Is Cosmetic Surgery For You?

You�ve seen it, they had it. Sharper noses, more shapely figures, bigger breasts, face uplifts, bigger eyes. You remember how they looked before; now, they�re gorgeous as can be. 	
You wonder if you need cosmetic surgery. What a silly thought. But  Jack left you for a younger, slimmer woman next door. You regret you didn�t go on that diet you put off after all these months. Or was it your wide nose that he disliked? Failed relationships hurt when love looks the other way. Cuts like a knife. Should you then? It�s not as easy as it looks. Before  you do, here�s several reasons why you ought to think a hundred times over. 
Just because it seems that every celebrity you know�s done it, it doesn�t mean you should, too. Beauty is skin deep, they say. Yes, and so much more if you look beautiful. How can you beat that? 
For all you know, celebrities need to spend thousands of money on an  investment like  their face and bodies. Without it, the offers will cease. Now are you thinking that you�re less worthy than your body? You�ve got a good job, a good education, a nice family background, great friends. You�re smart, independent,  adventurous, friendly. So what�s your problem? You want to become a movie star? It takes talent to get there. Why be another movie star who�s here-today-gone-tomorrow? Take the Superstar herself, Nora Aunor. She�s brown-skinned and short, oozing with award-winning talent, that not ever in the history of Philippine cinema has anyone like her been literally and unbelievably swamped with fans the way she had during her heydays. No one has broken that record till this day. 
	If you think everyone�s done it, you forget that just as many people have done it and have their own horror stories to tell, too. You can�t discount the possibility that you could be telling your own should you rush into something like cosmetic surgery. 
Your self-esteem is a problem. Jack left you and that makes you feel bad about yourself. How many times have you been told that no one can make you happy except yourself? Sure, he left you for a minor, but is she worth fretting about? And why reconstruct your face or your body for him? Do you think that will get him back? For all you know, he wouldn�t want to have a woman who�s been under the knife. So why take the trouble just for one man who dumped you for a dumb girl next-door? Count your blessings and look at your strengths. You are beautiful even when he thinks the other woman is more beautiful. It�s just his opinion and it sure isn�t an intelligent one. So why give that senseless opinion some dignity by getting cosmetic surgery? How much are you and your body are worth compared to a man who thinks that way?
Your doctor is impatient. Ethical doctors will want to tell you the pro�s and con�s. They will even encourage you to get a second opinion. If he�s eager to take you in more than you�re ready, you�re sure it�s going to be a disaster.  So be wary of doctors who rush into the procedure. If you have questions, he�ll be more than willing to know what you�re interested in. But if he can�t wait to cut you up, don�t see him again. You�ll just be wasting your time, money and what you�ve already got, your looks! Don�t waste it if only to wake up in the morning with body aches that just won�t go away, bleeding, complications, a job not well done.  If your doctor�s impatient, be patient with yourself. It�s not his body he�s interested in. It�s your money. Make sure you understand all the procedures and inquire from him the patients he�s done it with. Look for results before making a decision. Better yet, have a trusted friend, relative or partner go with you to assess what your doctor has to say. If you�re prone to being a sucker, at least, your friend should be smart enough to stop you from believing that doctor. Scoot out and go for a second opinion before it�s too late. Better yet, ask for a video on how your doctor does the procedure. This will help you decide if you�re comfortable with what your doctor is going to do to you. 
You�re not going to change your lifestyle and eating habits. If you think cosmetic surgery will make you thin forever, you�re wrong. What you will get is a thinner body that you need to maintain. You just can�t go on a binge like before and pretend that your new body can take all the food intake. If you�re doing reconstruction on your face, such as a face lift, take into account, too, on how skin will react after surgery. Just because you get a face lift doesn�t mean that you can smoke all you want, sleep late nights, eat fatty food. Your skin underwent major changes and you�d have to take more care of it from now on. Why let your investment go to waste by resuming old, bad habits? Cosmetic surgery gets rid of unwanted fat or reconstructs your body to your desired shape, but you�d have to take it up from there to maintain it. It�s not a quick fix that lets you do what you used to do before without any regard for maintenance and self-care. Consult your doctor regularly on how to take more proper care of your investment.  
You�re not doing it for yourself. Just because your husband or your talent manager said that you ought to get a liposuction or a nose lift, you�d agree to going ahead, anyway, even if it�s their money. It�s still your face or body and if things turn out as expected, well, then, great! But if not, you only have yourself to blame and others to be sorry for you. You must want it for yourself first, thought about it first and decided only for yourself. If this isn�t your decision, you will not be prepared emotionally to deal with the new changes because you were half-hearted. Undergoing cosmetic surgery is major decision that will affect your self-outlook, positively or negatively. If you�re not doing it for yourself, you will one day wake up to the mirror and wonder where the old you went to. That afterthought will have profound effects on your life if you did not decide only for yourself. You can count on your partner for support, but only enough words will tell you you made the right choice. If you didn�t, how would you like to hear your partner praising himself for that decision that wasn�t yours while you sit around regretting. What an awful way to live on his mercy. 
You don�t have enough money.  Cosmetic surgery isn�t like shopping for a piece of apparel and leaving the other parts of your body unattended to. If you�re short of cash to get into cosmetic surgery, it�s like putting your body on a bargain. Imagine going for a nose lift but you don�t have enough money for post-surgery healing and maintenance? Or how would you like your tummy under the knife, but your lower abdomen still wears all that fat? Cosmetic surgery is a long-term investment. Get into it only with the right doctors and the right advice for the money you put in. And you can�t afford to short-change yourself either just because you only have just as much. Remember, any procedure has a risk, so be prepared with more than enough for any added expenses that require additional procedures.

"Surviving Life Cycles"

As global changes continue to spin more rapidly, tilting the balance everywhere -- in the political, economic and institutional landscapes of  regions around the world, so is the balance in our inner, personal landscape of adult life imperiled.

Women continue to grapple with the mysteries and afflictions of PMS and menopause. When women thought they were invisible, vowing that physiological changes will not deter them from functioning as normally as possible, what also seemed incomprehensible before is considered mainly anectodal, but real as well. Menopausal men who are in their 40s, 50s and 60s, have their own "periods" like women, their virility and vitality, challenged.

If our aging bodies is a reality we cannot deny, at best effort, we try to delay  aging with exercise, proper diet, a robust life. No one  wants to give in to the precept that changes in aging bodies will also threaten one's peace of mind. We still have to live with our bodies. It's all we've got. We want to remain resolute to ourselves: That our personal lives will be stable and as predictable as possible. Meanwhile, more and more horror stories of adult lives are thrown in disarray. There is the onslaught of sudden death of a loved one, job loss, financial ruin, health problems, family discord, a list of disasters.

"I'll make sure that doesn't happen to me", is the declaration of forewarned adults.

But still, female menopause remains a silent passage, or that the loss of potency that goes with male menopause is the unspeakable passage, fraught with secret, shame and denial. Or that women in superwoman multi-roles, are feeling more inept with their abilities as mother, wife, homemaker, career woman, community member, friend. Men are also struggling. Career climbs are at an  unexpected halt, fatherhood duties become reluctantly mixed with motherhood roles. A host of changes no longer remain in the sphere of what used to be black is not white. The grey areas startle us. But at least, we know it's grey.

Even so as our understanding becomes clearer, that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, we still  find ourselves packing off somewhere. Mars and Venus no longer make sense. Perhaps no one has yet ventured to other planets

outside our solar system. Our quest continues to land in one more destination. Whereas once, as young adults, we used to hedge and flee from scary places in our lives, as older adults, we stumbled, crawled, stood up,  time and again.

More so, through the years in our adult life, we have managed to turn our daily toils into accomplishments. Some, we have learned to live with. We got by,  learned one lesson after another. Every threat to our security and peace of mind was anticipated with planning, support and counseling, to cushion the blow when it hits. Even as crisis after crisis tossed us into disequilibrium, we do found ourselves heralding our struggles as survivors. We knew that our troubles are temporary. That it will all come to pass. It did and we came out alive.

Nevertheless, we had to celebrate our triumphs as survivors, at most times in silence, if not in the company of like-minded folks. Oprah Winfrey reminded us to remember our spirit. Our inner accolades became more and more personal to us. No longer did we need to justify our mistakes to others. We have accepted them and have forgiven others, ourselves.  We have somehow arrived at that inner place in our lives: The breeze is more acutely refreshing in our nostrils, the laughter of children more resounding, the greeting of a friend more binding to our souls, our communion with a Higher Power more faithful, our aspirations more attainable, our self confidence renewed.

Slowly or with flashes of insight, we are blessed with opened doors to enter. One more planet beckons. One more destination lets us know that we're going to be alright. It�s a wheel that spins around: what goes up, must come down; what is down will surely go up.

Such is the cycle we know called Life.

Finally, there is compassion and comfort in the old adage: It's not the destination; it's in the journeying.

But it still looms over us. We are still clueless about it. Why is it that we've been there before, done this, done that, but it feels like a slump, a critical juncture?

What slump?

That nagging question: "What is the meaning of all this?"

It is a wonderful paradox. It is the very same questioning that delays our trip and yet, without it, we cannot move forward.

Erik Erickson calls this stage, a movement towards maturity. As adults, ages 25 to 65 years old,  we are in the process of generation versus self absorption and stagnation. We are at that stage in our life when we have children, raise them and guide them to the next generation. We are in the middle age.

All humans pass through the eight stages of  psychosocial development when our personalities and the dynamic of our personalities are in contact with our environment and the instrumental forces that shape our lives.

"After college, I pursued a career in IT. I rose through the ranks. My family benefits from my success. When my father suffered health problems, I was able to weather us through. I am content with my work and my children are smart and loving. But now, I am wondering if this is what I really want," says Trina, 37.

Like Trina, her social and professional skills brought her stability in her career and family life. Even when crisis fell on her family, she came through. From this stage, she was able to bring success and security. But she�s come to a point of  wondering if it all makes sense.

"My success was so dependent on the support of my family and friends. I owe everything to them. But when I lost my job, it seemed that I was all alone and had to pick up the pieces for everyone. I felt I let them down. Suddenly, my home life was in shackles. I do not know where to go, why this is my life now. I have felt desperate for a year, making me feel listless, " relates Jacky, 32, a bank manager.

While Trina's problems compounded on her life, she continued to function as normally as possible. On the other hand, Jacky's troubles brought her to a standstill despite her early success. Both questioned the crisis in their presence, but both  differed in transcending the slump, the questioning.

Erickson explains that personality development can be successful if the individual is able to resolve the key conflict which arises during each of the stages. Trina and Jacky are in the maturity stage. Trina generates while Jacky stagnates. But the virtue imbibed in this stage is the ability to care.

Again, that question nags. We want to make sense of what our success and failures mean. We want to know that it means more than a matter of accumulation and surviving. The bi-polar  issues such as generation and stagnation swing back and forth. But in essence, we want to essentially know that all the effort is something more worthwhile than a salary raise, a clean bill of health, a new home or car, or successful children.

It is in this stage when we get over that slump and grow. When we become mature enough to care beyond our own cares.

"It took me some time to figure it out. Everything I worked hard for in my life fell into place, no matter what the obstacles were. I finally figured that caring about  street  children in our community made sense.  I feel happier now and at peace, " says Connie, 41, entrepreneur.

"Before I got over my emotional stupor since my husband passed away, I was very depressed and unproductive. But I turned a new leaf and saw that by becoming closer with other women in my parish, I felt that I wanted do more by making our neighborhood's teen-agers become more excited about going to church. I reorganized our church choir and they came. I look forward to seeing them and sharing with them the joy of singing praise," explained Rita, 39, executive assistant.

After the stage of maturity, we come to grips with old age. Erickson explains that we either grow with integrity or wallow in despair. Wisdom is the virtue for people after 65 years old who survive this stage. It is in this stage when we need to successfully accept our life cycle.

Erickson further asserts that development can be successful if the individual is able to resolve the key conflict which arises during each of the stages. The eight stages of psychosocial development are: 
Infancy (Birth to 1.5 years) - Trust versus mistrust (Hope)
Early childhood (1.5 to 3 years) - Autonomy  versus shame, doubt (Will) 
3Play age (3 to 5 years) - Initiative versus guilt (Purpose)
School age (5 to 12 years) - Industry versus inferiority(Competence)
Adolescence (12 to 18 years)- Identity and repudiation versus identity confusion (Fidelity)
Young adulthood (18 to 25 years) - Intimacy and solidarity versus isolation (Love)
Maturity (25 to 65 years) - Generative versus self absorption and stagnation (Care)
Old age ( 65+ years)- Integrity versus despair (Wisdom)
 
The stages may be entered and re-entered time and time again. Some people may take years or even decades to find their 'true selves', while others may find that this part of the process is very short. For some, it may be a very painful process; for others it may seem no different from other normal aspects of life. For some, the process of change and development may be resisted, and some people may not wish to spend time looking inwards at oneself.  It is a fluid process - but recognizing the stages can help to make sense of what is otherwise chaos and confusion.

Most call this a "midlife crisis ";  some call it halftime. Halftime is a time out. When you think seriously about your purpose in life and draft a game plan for the second half. It is a time when the quest for success loses meaning, and you ask, "Is this it? I've achieved some level of accomplishment, and done much of what I set out to do. What's next?"

It is transitioning from success to significance.

Lifting from Carl Jung�s social concept of the �persona�, the persona refers to that aspect of the ego that we present to the world for its approval. It is like a mask and we can hide behind it. Robert Johnson�s concept of the persona is referred to as �psychological clothing� .

The social role in the concept of the persona is useful in helping individuals to move in and out of relationships without being too vulnerable. A persona can be the oil to ease potential social friction. It provides for some predictability of relationship. For example, the personas of doctor and patient or of student and teacher can be useful in knowing what to do, when, and where. Other examples of the persona are: mother, father, husband, wife, lawyer, judge, policeman, baker. A persona becomes a problem only when a person becomes too attached to it and can not put it aside.

When there is an overemphasis on the persona, the person hides from others and himself. It makes it difficult for such a person to know himself better. This is especially difficult in today�s society. 
 
Leading sociologist, Judith Posner, Ph.D, maintains in her book, �The Feminine Mistake�, that earning a livelihood, no matter how rewarding the opportunities we pursue, becomes characteristically neurotic in nature: That we have become attached to our jobs. There is an involuntary association with what we do. Like how social etiquette goes when we greet each other, �And what do you do?�

An overemphasis on the persona not only blocks avenues of communication between people but also between the ego and the darker aspects of the personality that need to be acknowledged. These darker aspects are represented by the shadow.

The Shadow is both negative and positive.

The Jungian shadow is composed of the dark and unknown aspects of personality. It is created by the oppositeness of life and the need for choice.  To choose to be one way is to choose not to be another. The shadow is made up of the "unchosen" choices. If, as a child you choose to be tough, then you are not tender and vice versa. In a choice to be an athlete you may give up the options to be a musician or  an artist. You learn to either keep your feelings in or to let them out.

Thomas Moore, best-selling author of �The Care of the Soul� states that, "The person we choose to be, ...automatically creates a dark double -- the person we choose not to be."

Some elements of the shadow can indeed be potentially harmful and do not need to be acted out. Uncontrolled anger, impulsive sexuality, lying, and stealing are shadow potentials that are best kept in the shadow and the socialization process sees that they are. The shadow contains not only the positive of potential life choices "not made" but the negative potential of unbridled acting out.

However, Robert Johnson says that there is "gold" in the shadow. This gold needs to be mined and brought to the surface. He says that, "The gold is related to our higher calling and this can be hard to accept at certain stages of life." While still concerned with ego differentiation and type development we may not want to hear of the challenge of a higher calling.�

He also tells us,  "No one can be anything but a partial being, ravaged by doubt and loneliness, unless he has close contact with his shadow. The shadow consists of those aspects of your character that belong to you but that have not been given any conscious place in your life. Assimilating one�s shadow is the art of catching up on those facets of life that have not been lived out adequately."

�I couldn�t help it in my profession in the academe for being too strict and uptight, but I was lonesome and distant. Eventually I was able forgive myself,� says Josephine, 39. �It was because a good relationship entered my life and taught me to trust my intimacy needs.   Suddenly, I stopped being the witch that everyone thought I was.�

Hence, the nagging question that feels like a slump is truly a paradox. When we ask what is the meaning in our life, we seek the value of our journey. Our regard for such values is relative and subjective -- relative to how it affects other areas in our life that we also consider important, and subjective, for no two persons can exactly measure the value of the other's journey according to one's own field of  experience and standards. We have our own gold shadows.

In conclusion, when we find meaning in what we do while others do not, don't listen to them. No matter where you are in your life, no matter how successful or troubled, for as long as you find the value and meaning in your course, that is your process and the piece of happiness you are entitled to find at your own pace. No one has the right to infringe on it, belittle it or even take it away from you. For as long as you are guided by the long-term virtues that you aspire for in each stage in your life, you'll be fine.

Remember, it's not the destination; it's in the journey. Have you had the ride of your life yet?

" Beauty and Sun Tan"

Filipinos are no longer enticed with getting a tan. What�s in fashion these is how to have fairer and clearer skin. But since the summer heat beckons the public to  ride the waves at the beach or take a fun, cool dip at the pool, the skin we take pains to desperately whiten with bottles and bottles of skin whiteners and soaps will be only make matters worse.

If you have consistently been applying skin whiteners, your skin�s top layer, the epidermis, is vulnerable to the sun�s ultraviolet rays. Skin whiteners attempt to bleach some of the yellow in the skin to a more youthful pink by thickening the epidermis and peeling away the layers of skin where irregular pigmentation resides. Even skin that is exposed to the latest wrinkle fighters such as the AHAs (Alpha-hydroxy acids) are dangerously prone to patches when exposed to the sun�s deadly rays. AHAs work by stripping off the top layer of the skin and causing cell turnover to uncover fresher-looking skin.

�I have been a 
So before you head to the beach, make sure you consult your dermatologist if it is safe to expose your treated skin to the sun. Be honest with your skin doctor about your use of skin whitening products.

But if you�re beach lover, your tan may afford you the looked of a bronzed god. But in truth, a tan is your skin�s way of showing that�s it�s been damaged by the sun�s ultraviolet rays. Over the years, that damaged skin will not only age visibly by causing wrinkles, sags and pigmentation changes associated with aging, it may also lead to skin cancer.

However, even if Asian skin has low risk for skin cancer, but high risk for brown patches, pales skin or skin that is bleached with skin whitening products wrinkle faster than dark skin. Dark sin has more surface lipids which seals the skin against moisture loss.

How to be �Sun Smart�. 
Hence, the best way to deal with a sun tan is to be �sun smart�. Use a sunscreen on exposed skin whenever you�re out in the sun.

A sunscreen must have a sun-protection factor or SPF. This allows you to stay under the sun without getting burned for twice as long as would otherwise be possible without a screen. An SPF of eight gives you eight times the protection.

According to the U.S. Food and Drug Administration, all sunscreen makers are required to rate the protective power of their products.

There is a difference between a sunscreen and a sunblock. Sunscreens are chemically based and allow some ultraviolet light to penetrate skin no matter what their SPF.

True sunblocks use minerals such as zinc oxide or titanium dioxide in a cream or paste. They do not carry SPFs as their reflective powers are so complete that they do not allow any light to reach the skin.

However, these kinds of sunblock products leave an unattractive chalky film on your skin. Instead, manufacturers now add titanium dioxide to chemically based sunscreens to give them reflective powers that they would not possess.

Rays that kill.  
You must also know which sunscreen product protects you from two kinds of radiation: UV-B radiation and UB-A radiation, both considered harmful to the skin. UV-B rays is part of the ultraviolet light spectrum mots responsible for sunburn and skin cancer. UV-A radiation harms the skin�s connective tissue that results in visible aging and contributing to skin cancer in some cases.

Choosing the best protection.
While SPFs of suncreens only address its ability to guard against UV-B radiation, researchers have recently discovered that protection should be incorporated in sunscreens against UV-A rays.

Therefore, the best protection comes from sunscreens that contain a chemical compound known as avobenzone. On the other hand, the common ingredient found in most sunscreens contain oxybenzone, that provides only some protection.

Taking a swim all the more must be regarded seriously with the proper SPF of at least 15. Since water magnifies the power of ultraviolet rays, you will burn more quickly in the water than on the beach unless the sunscreen you use is water-resistant. Even so, you reapply it after leaving the water to ensure full protection.

Another thing to consider when getting a sunscreen product is avoid those that contain PABA (para-aminobenzoic acid). Since many people are allergic to PABA, choose those that are PABA-free. If your allergy persists, try the new titanium dioxide-based hybrid screens that are least likely to cause irritation.

So if its Clarins Sun care Spray, Nutrogena Fairness UV Block, Nivea Moisturizing Sun Block or your good old Coppertone Suntan Lotion, Johnson & Johnson Sundown sunblock or your Solar Suncare sunscreen, make sure they�re waterproof, PABA-free and provide UV-A and UV-B protection.

Having a sun tan is no longer in vogue because of today�s environmental conditions brought about by the thinning of the ozone layer. What used to be dubbed as beauty in bronze is now burned skin that may be prone to skin cancer.

(Sources: �The Practical Guide to Practically Everything� � Peter bernstein and Christopehr Ma/Random House New York 1995/�10 Things You Should Know About Your Skin� - Cosmopolitan Magazine Aug. 200 Vol. 4 No.8)

�How to be More Loving to Dad�

After dinner one night, Karen, 35, a young doctor, told her father, Mr. Castro,  a widow for two years, that she had a surprise for him at his office. Karen had been away from home for more than a year in Manila, and her father was intrigued by the mystery. When they arrived at his office, Karen showed him a gift-wrapped object on the wall. Opening it, he discovered a portrait of himself - one that had been lovingly and painstakingly done by Karen�s brother, Kiko, a successful painter-architect. Mr. Castro was in his favorite striped golf shirt that his wife gave him on his birthday and a trophy tucked to his arm.

�What�s this?� he asked. �I never joined a golf tournament.�

�That�s your winning portrait!� answered Karen. �Kiko always mentioned that your bachelor dream was to be a golf champion like Tiger Woods.�

Mr. Castro beamed with pride and said, �But I�ve stopped playing golf two years ago. It�s not even my birthday; what�s the occasion?�

Karen said, �Kiko and I figured that while you�re still fit to play, this picture would inspire you to go back under the sun and have fun.�

Karen and Kiko were the two darlings in their parents lives. Mrs. Castro�s unexpected demise left her husband withdrawn and moody; his years showing after she passed away. His children wanted to show him that he was the hero in their lives when they were children.  That he was the coach who rallied behind them during their blooming adolescent years. He was their mentor and counselor when they embarked on their new careers. Now, he�s the inspiration behind them as they pursue their lives as adults with growing families.

Mothers have always been bestowed praise and thanksgiving for generations by their children. For having carried us for nine months, we owe our life to mother who had bear to it all so we can enter this world with love�s first touch, hers.

However, a father is not just a second mother � like 	Mom, another nurturer and comforting presence. It is said that good fathers have a more arousing and playful relationship with their children. According to Phyllis Bronstein, associate professor of clinical psychology in an American university, research suggests that fathers are more likely than mothers to teach physical competence, adventurousness, new skills and confidence in asserting opinions.

In addition, co-author of �The Father Factor�, Henry Biller, says that children with effective fathers get along better with their peers and display more social confidence. They are more comfortable in new situations, adapt to change more easily and score higher on IQ tests.

Several studies over the years not only show the crucial role that mothers play in the psychosocial development of their children. The role of father is to provide children the necessary life skills to get ahead.  So now, it�s time to show your father in return the   love and    dedication he showered on you and your siblings. There are lots of creative ways to be more loving to your father. Let him count the ways:

1.	Leave a note for him under his plate before you leave the house.
Be personal about it. Little sweet notes can leave a smile on his face.

2.	Get him the latest Time and Newsweek magazine issues.
If he�s a voracious reader, he�ll appreciate the thought of keeping him abreast.

3.	Challenge him to a game of chess. 
Test your play time with him in a fun. When was the last time you both did?

4.	Take out old photographs from your childhood and organize them in a lovely scrapbook with interesting captions.
He�ll remember what it�s like as a new father and how much you appreciated it.

5.	Prepare a cup of coffee or tea for him.
Little acts of kindness keep you connected with him.

6.	Get him the latest Sinatra compilations on CD. Or buy him a Sinatra biography book. 
Send him down memory lane with the songs of his generation. He�ll be proud to say you have good taste.

7.	Send him free passes to the spa.
It�s your way of telling him that he needs pampering with style.

8.	Tell him you already got your son an educational and health plan. 
You�ll be relieved to know that you�ve got your family�s life in order.

9.	Give him a basketful of fruits. 
Not too many people these days receive the bounties of nature.

10.	Invite him to a movie.
Strengthen the bond with the first man in your life.

11.	Plan a secret dinner with your mom as a surprise guest when you lead your dad into the restaurant. 
Help him get romantic with mom with her cooperation. There�s nothing more enticing than conspiring with her to flatter your dad.

12.	Write a song for him and record it on tape. Or recite a poem you wrote and do the same.
Let him know the true musings of your soul.

13.	Compose a cheerful letter listing down all the little things you remember about him while growing up. 
It�s your way of telling him that you never forget how good a father he is

14.	Connive with his siblings by collecting old pictures of his family and place it a photo album. 
Letting him remember his roots is your way of respecting the legacy he�s leaving behind in your hands.

15.	Bring his car to the car wash and pump his gas tank to full.
Finally, you�re the one who does things he did for you when you were a teen-ager.

16.	Teach him how to use the Internet by writing down the simple instructions. Tell him which website to visit that might capture his interest. 
Help him realize that the world is much smaller now and more accessible at the click of a mouse. Open up a new world for him to enjoy.

17.	If he has a favorite pair of shoes, buy him a new one of the same kind from the same store.
You�re telling him that you inherited his good sense of fashion. 
 
18.	Get him another bottle of his favorite cologne. 
He wants to be reminded of how good scent brings many happy memories.

19.	Collect and clean old magazines and books that he used stored away during the years. 
You�re sure he wondered at some point what happened to his investment and you�re showing you care.

20.	Treat him like it�s his birthday everyday. Surprise him with a hug even when you�re not used to it. 
Do things out of the ordinary. Make him wonder why. Then tell him you just missed him. Little things mean a lot.

�Cooling Off�

Have you ever had time off with a loved one in a relationship?

Gigi and  Don have been together for a year and half. Gigi, 29, had to leave an old job for a new one while Don, 31, just got promoted. This career change in Gigi�s life made her more tense and difficult to get along with that Don asked if they could cool off for a little time.

�We were always fighting over little issues and they just bigger especially when Gigi joined a new company. Meanwhile, I felt I didn�t get the support I needed after my promotion. For a time, I felt I couldn�t be with someone who was unhappy about her life. So I had to beg Gigi for some time alone until she gets her life in order. I didn�t want to be dragged into her sorry game,� explained Don.

Mona, 24, and Rey, 25, were together since first year college. Rey thought that Mona was comfortable with him until that time she made a business trip and everything changed in their relationship. She started becoming more friendly with the other guys at her office and had less time for Rey. He didn�t take it very well as he grew more possessive and jealous. Finally, Mona asked Rey if they could spend more time separately as their relationship was under pressure with Mona�s new social life.

Mona said, �Suddenly, I felt that my world was opening up to a lot of new, exciting experiences. My trip to Sydney was such a memorable one because it gave me a chance to interact with my other colleagues outside the office. It was so much fun when we were all in the conference together. I felt that Rey and I were losing common interests especially when he was getting more and more emotional about the time I was spending at the office and after work with my team. I felt that he had to back off for awhile until he�s sorted things out for himself.�

Relationships don�t always run on the same keel everyday, no matter how stable it is. Sooner or later, change will always be inevitable and sometimes, a partner can feel left out when things appear to be different. 	And when that happens, he or she will feel uncomfortable or uneasy. When this happens, the uneasy partner will tend to put pressure on the relationship because he or she is threatened by change. And that change could go in the direction that most people dread � dating other people or ending the relationship.

So what does it mean when your partner wants to �cool off� ?

Cooling off is taking a break from each other. Sometimes partners who want a break cannot say when this break will continue. The other partner who is unwilling to take the break will inevitably feel insecure and threatened. It can mean good-bye or your partner�s interest will wane. Those are the natural fears of a partner who cannot understand this cooling off. Is it temporary time off or a permanent break from the relationship?
	
	�When Don wanted to cool off, I cried all week before I finally agreed. I was afraid that I was going to lose him,� Gigi said.

�I couldn�t believe my ears when Mona said that she wanted more time away from me. I was so hurt. We�ve been together since college and now this? It�s so unfair. How can someone you�ve been with for years want to cool off, as if those years don�t count anymore?�, was Rey�s question.

Cooling off isn�t good news especially when you�re the one who doesn�t want it while your partner does. It sounds like a rejection and your partner is just easing you down as gently as he can because he can�t tell you good-bye.

But is it really good-bye?

Not many people take cooling off very well. It is not easy to not take things personally.  Cooling off feels like a rejection because it triggers off that familiar feeling of rejection. But before you even jump to conclusions by dragging yourself into a spin ,  the best things you can do are the following:

Talk things out with him to understand why this should be. 
While this is something you hardly expected, did it occur to you that you didn�t listen or observe the subtle changes taking place in your relationship? That one of you is taking the heat while the other is pushing the buttons? The signs wree there: Have you been fighting more often lately? Have your issues been surfacing over and over and getting more fuzzy? Do you hardly communicate anymore? Is someone tuning in or tuning out? These are the signs that show that somewhere along the way, if someone can�t take the heat in the relationship, both of you are  going to need a break.

Cooling off means taking stock of not only where your relationship is going; it means to signal that you need to talk more sensibly about your individual needs. More often enough, it boils down not just to both of you as a couple.

Cooling off is an opportunity for you to re-establish your self-identity. 
No matter how unprepared you are with this piece of bad news, the shock will wear off once you see this as good news, after all. This is your chance to become your own person. Time off in relationships allows partners to go back to their individual lives to sort things out, not always about their love relationship, but always about themselves. The common mistake about relationships is when partners become totally dependent on one another that it feels almost impossible to feel happy and fulfilled without the other. When this happens, you�ve got a whole life ahead of you when the news is announced. You can now have more time in your hands � the way your life was before you found each other.  It�s time to re-establish old ties with long lost friends, take up painting lessons, see your family more often, explore better ways to improve your skills. There�s a lot to do when you cool off.

Sure, the shock will leave you angry and confused. But give it time.

Even if your fears of the relationship might actually mean good-bye during the cooling off  period, if you have a plan about getting your own life back, a possible ending won�t be as painful. When you look at cooling off as an opportunity, you�re  tackling the other but more essential half of the issue: finding yourself.

Conquering your fears about where your relationship is going or not going is about taking stock of your own fears. 
Whether you like it or not, a cool off period could go both ways: it may enhance your relationship with your partner when you get back together. Or you might not get back together again at all. You must see the break period in the best and worse possible light. And when you do, you must take the necessary steps to prepare yourself not because it might do you good when it�s bad news, after all. You are actually rebuilding your life on your own terms.

Take this break as a great opportunity to be the person you were meant to be and not the girlfriend or other half. You are your own person. And that person you must face alone and make happy is you because this is your chance to do it on your own. Scary, but along the road of life where change is inevitable, one way or another, for good or for worse, it all will always boil down to what you make of your life, whether during the cool off period or reunited.

If you�re good coping during cool off periods, you can face life�s changes with more confidence.  
The only reason why you are afraid of cooling off with your partner is change. But the only thing permanent in this world is change. And when it�s the kind of change that you fear most, you ought to allow yourself some grieving and a plan to get back on your feet. But even if your partner is sincere about getting back together after the break period, if you are able to live your life without him and have in fact become happier, discovered interesting things to do on your own, feel more at peace and confident, who knows? You might want to extend the cooling off period yourself.

It is always difficult to change old habits or a way of doing things especially when you�ve always done them with your partner. But a cooling off period can be seen as a training period for any changes that�s bound to happen in your life � whether in your job, family life, friends, civil status, financial standing, among others. The very thing that helps people cope with change is being prepared internally for it especially when crisis or a semblance of it, in this case, a cooling period can feel like a personal crisis.

Rid yourself of the distortions and myths that time away from your partner brings you. 
For the long-term, cooling off with your partner is time away with him for a certain or uncertain period of time. Either way, it is actually time for tuning in to yourself without him. Whether you like it or not, you must learn how to seize that period and turn it into opportunity for self-discovery. It will prepare you to become familiar with unfamiliar territory because �you�ve been there�.

Truly, cooling off is a time for rediscovering yourself. It is an estrangement from over-dependency from each other. It is a chance to become independent or to grow in interdependence with your partner. It can go either way. So whether you like it or not, taking a break from your relationship can be a good thing for you. Learn to accept the benefits available to you if you change your perspective of it. Watching too much soap opera and tear-jerker movies or reading romantic novels is distorting your beliefs about time away from your partner.

�Is He Husband Material?�

You first spotted him at the college cafeteria. His dimpled smile bewitched you since. Who ever thought that he happened to be the brother of your room mate? You got lucky. The introductions turned into friendly chats at the campus, over homework at the library, and shared production assignments at the senior college fair. Soon enough, you fell in love with Anton. The thought did cross your mind more than once, �Will he be a good boyfriend?�

The years went by and you and Anton have been steady for two years. He is now a successful merchandising manager of a huge retail store and you�re busy preparing to launch your latest brand. The thought crossed your mind more than once, �Is he good husband material?�

If you�re in a relationship that�s been going stable for a few years and you�re thinking of settling down, you wonder if your partner will be a good husband. While there are no sure-fire formulas to know if your future husband is an ideal lifetime partner, here are some tips to guide you through your reflections:

How does the word, �commitment� fare in his vocabulary?
If he was a loyal boyfriend and never gave you trouble over any girl, can you say that he is committed? Yes. As a boyfriend, he is committed.

But since you�re looking for a husband, a boyfriend�s commitment is very different from a husband�s commitment. Who knows? He might want to stay a bachelor forever. There goes commitment.

If you�re looking for a husband and chances are, that husband might be your boyfriend, you both must have discussed the future together somewhere. And before you even consider accepting his marriage proposal (if he proposes), has he ever committed to anything in his life that will somehow give you a gauge of his staying power? Has he even gone through crises but never gave up? Has he let any of his loved ones down when things got tough? Was he there for you when things were a mess in your life after your family�s business went down the drain?

Or did he hop off to Boracay with his buddies while you tended to your family�s wounds?

Most important of all, when you both had your biggest fight, did he just retreat into the booze, his dressed-up car, books, peers, or job? Or did he stay with you, through blood,  sweat and tears to iron things out no matter  how messy  it got?

If his batting average for staying away during the rough times is higher than the times he stuck it out, forget having him around for at least the first seven years of your marriage. When the 7-year itch hits, you can predict that he�ll be back to his bachelor ways while you�ll be off crying your heart out alone in Boracay.

Ask not only if he is good husband material; ask yourself if he can be a good father to your future children. 
Fine. He�s been very attentive to you all these years. He�s proven to everyone that he�s the kind you�d want to bring home to mother. In fact, mother can�t get enough of him.

But have you seen how he is with kids? Does he love kids, in fact? Does he remember the birthdays of his nephew and niece, if not the kids from your side of the family? Does he spend time listening to them or is his attention span shorter than a child�s?  Is he patient with curious children? Have you ever seen him lighten up to children�s laughter? Do kids easily warm up to him? Kids these days know when an adult is sincere. They can�t easily be fooled.

So if you�re going to have your boyfriend as your future husband, you might as well accept the fact that it is equally important to know if he is capable of being a loving father. If he consciously makes time for the children in both your lives (or community work for street children), chances are, he will make more time for his own.

You can also see how he juggles his hobbies, work, time with you and the time he gives for your young relatives. If he�s the kind who makes excuses for missing important dates because he�d rather spend it at the barkada night out or at the office, you can expect to play single parent at some point in your married life.

Observe how he treats his mother; that�s how he�s going to treat you when you become his wife.
Many women use this as a benchmark.

If they see that their boyfriend is a mama�s boy, it turns them off. So if he�s a brat with mother, you�re going to have a tough time beating his mother to the same amount of attention he gets from her.

Look at the little details of his relationship with his mother. Is the mother and son relationship a healthy one? When his mother is sick, is he the one attending to her or is it just his other siblings? Or is he attentive only to you because he�s head-over-heels with you while his mother is in the hospital? Does he run errands for his mother at a reasonable degree without being told? Or does his mother keep complaining about his irresponsibility?

Shared values, long-term or just for show?
Everyone can talk about loyalty, compassion, patience, understanding, respect, trust and a number of other values to aspire for in a relationship. But if you�re going for the long haul with a man who just mouths off these more than he�d care to show it in the real world, you�ll come up empty handed.

The only way that can help you assess if your man is good husband material is through the test of time, including the more times he�s been a gentleman or not over this period. You can have a whole lot of promises laid out for you but if push comes to shove, you�ll know if he�s worth the values he says he�s built with.

Tough times are difficult enough to weather through, but they test the strength of his character or prove that he is weak, after all.

Situations that can manifest his true colors don�t always have to involve anything in your relationship. It can be about he treats the waiter. How he speaks to the slow driver up front. How he pushes his way from the end of the line just to get there first. How he leaves nothing for the hotel room boy for room service. How he thanks the home village security guard every morning. Or the way he leaves his seat open for the old lady in the bus. How he tempers his anger if a rude commuter makes him uncomfortable.

There are many situations in your man�s life that will pound at his mettle and his manlihood. Or so they say.

It always doesn�t have to be about you.

When you get married to this man who doesn�t quite measure up with the rest of mankind�s natural desire to be treated fairly, think again. You�ll be waking up to a brute who forgets that you�re a woman and a human being at that.

Make the right decision with much prudence. 
So take your time when taking the plunge. These days, there�s no need for hurry. If he�s not worth it, it�s better to know rather than make the biggest mistake of your life. Be kind to yourself by not being pressured by society�s conventional marriage deadlines for smart women like you. You owe yourself the best in this world. But it�s up to you to make the right decisions.

Without first trying to take your time to look closer at a serious move like  marriage, you are also responsible for the choosing your man. After all, in this modern day and age, women are no longer into fixed marriages. You can only blame yourself for rushing into things. Or you can celebrate it because you gave yourself a fair chance to get what you deserve.

If you�re more worried about being left behind by the bus because of the rush, hush then; don�t fret. The next bus that comes may have a more qualified husband as a passenger.  Be taken for a ride for taking the plunge with little thought. Or get the ride of your life because you were patient with yourself.

"Looking for a Relationship -- for Love or for Money?"

The economic crunch these days for women  who want to settle down are making their options harder. The numbers just seems to be dwindling. More eligible, successful and financially secure bachelors these days are either already hitched, they?e gay or have no money.

So what? it going to be?

If you?e a self-made woman who? up in the corporate ladder or on her way up, it? only natural to find your match. But that? the problem. The men you?e looking for aren? available.

Well, you?e tried love. Three years of devotion were wasted after Jake dumped you for a richer girl. So are you going to take that route, too? Seek a man who? richer than you are when love? promises failed you before?

So what? wrong with that? Jake? happy now. He? comfortable, too, during the holidays in Paris. In fact, he? getting engaged to the same girl.

So why can? you have that, too? Everyone deserves to be happy. Everyone deserves to be blessed.

Hang in there. Not everyone.

If you?e out to live on the wealth of a man without love for him, you?e bound to be either a beaten-up wife, a glorified prostitute, a wallflower or a plain housewife required to give him babies every year.

So choose. Love or money. What? it going to be?

Love isn? too bad. Sure. Times are hard and nothing in the economy makes us think that growing a family will be any easier. But isn? love in a relationship the best anchor for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health?

How about till death do you part? We?e not come down to that part yet. Hang in there.

Well, for instance, if you?e in a relationship only for the money, you might end up going through times alone. At least, you can still go shopping even when you?e alone.  Or when you?e sick, at least, you can hire a nurse to be at your bedside. Or if you?e lonely, you can simply take a cruise on a ship to the Bahamas and find yourself a blond and blue eyed sailor in one of those luxurious cabins.

But if your rich man gets broke, what happens to you then?

But can? money, if he? rich, weigh more than your love for him? What? wrong with that? And what if he loves you more than you do love him and better yet, he? rich?

You?e lucky. He?l spoil you to death. Meanwhile, if that blond and blue eyed sailor does catch your eye not just once, but more than twice, so on and so forth, what? your life going to be like? A mistress at sea? A jet-setting wife when you return? A mother when the cruise is over? What kind of life is that?

Besides, who knows? You might get AIDs. Okay, that sailor had an HIV test. He? negative. Okay. Go ahead. Take that cruise again, leave your husband behind, but take his money, anyway.

But can? you have both? That would be great, wouldn? it?

That happens only in the movies, dear. How many women do you really know who truly love their rich husbands? Better yet, how many women do you know who truly love their rich husbands and their husbands don? have other women in their life?

Like they say, it takes one to know one. If he? rich, taken you as his wife and has other women you don? know, while you?e gotten rich with him, don? love him, and have other men in your life, too, what kind of life is that?

It? one hell of a convenient life, isn? it?

But five to ten years down the road, do you think you?l have the stamina to keep up with the Joneses in such a union? What will become of your children? Oh, if it? really yours and your husband? goal to grow the family tree from all directions and places, you?l have no problem. You?e just going to run a family of illegitimate children who?l perpetuate the patterns of their parents.

Then ten to fifteen years down the road,  your lenses will change. All of a sudden, you wake up from your multiple affairs and find that you?e alone, after all. Well, you?e still rich, but you?e alone. That blue eyed sailor you want to live the rest of your life with is still single while you?e been not. But he? waited long enough for you to file those divorce papers. You can?. The divorce law is still pending in Philippine Congress. It? been a sitting duck for years now and you?e not getting any younger.

But your blond and blue-eyed sailor? waited long enough. He can? hold out much longer. He wants to have a family. Sure, you?e sired a kid or two in the last 6 six years with him. But he wants a legitimate wife. Children with a legitimate name. Too late.  That? a problem. So what do you do?

Erase. You?e instead going to have a relationship because you and your man love each other, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer. And love will see you through the years till death do you part.

That page on ?ill death do you  part?described in the previous scenario failed. You stopped short in ?or richer or for poorer?because your rich husband? businesses didn? last, the government confiscated his business licenses, he has a pending case in court for drug trafficking and smuggling, sold all his properties and left you penniless. Too bad. You thought he was really filthy rich. He was. Rich, but filthy.

But who knows what else true love and commitment can bring in a relationship? Instead of a cruise in the Bahamas, you?e happy enough for the holidays in Baguio City. Instead of fine dining, owning club shares or spending time with other matrons in your circle, you watch your kids grow up with the same values such as respect for self and others, loyalty, honesty and commitment.

The man you love, on the other hand, happens to be ambitious, hard-working and a good father. By end of this year, he? done with his postgraduate studies and a multinational company is going to hire him. His compensation may not be enough to send you to the Bahamas every 3 months, but at least, you have no blond and blue eyed sailor to worry about. Your eldest son is joining the Philippine Navy and he is growing up to be such a fine, young man. He? graduating with honors. Meanwhile, your teen-aged daughter is doing well in school, too, and she has a good head on her shoulders. She saves her money, is picky with men and disapproves of her classmates who?e dead-set in ending up with rich men instead of men who love them and they truly love.

Then after a long hard day at the office, you catch pneumonia and are bed-ridden. You can? afford a nurse, but at least your husband watches over you and holds your hand when you doze off to sleep because of your medication.

Five to ten years down the road, your children will already have children of their own and not one of them will hopefully, be borne out of wedlock. Your family name is carried with  honor, loyalty and integrity.

Ten to fifteen years down the road, you won? have that blond and blue eyed sailor to think about because he? the one having different women of different nationalities. One afternoon, a friend emails you and tells you that your sailor-friend has AIDs. As the day draws to a close and you?e about to retire to bed, your loving husband comes home from the office, finishes that meal you painstakingly prepared for him, he takes his shower and then, cuddles up to you. And to think that you were that close to marrying that rich, playboy bachelor when you don? really love him. Wow, your life would?e easily turned into a nightmare ten to fifteen years from now.

So what? it going to be? For love? Or for money? It? your choice. It? your life. Life is what you make it out to be. You can be wise and you can be smart. But can you live your life with integrity and self respect? It really depends on your make-up, upbringing and values. When our time? up, we have to be answerable for all our actions and choices. Not only to God, but to all those whose lives we affect because of the choices we make. Rightly or wrongly.

So will it be for love? Or for money? Think. How will your life be ten to fifteen or so years from the time you make either choice. The scenarios above may well serve their  purpose. But just the same, you make your own life story.

"Shoes and Sneakers"

Did you know that the 5300 year-old human known as the Iceman had his own ingenious leather shoes made of bark and other plant materials?

Complementing his coat of animal skins and fur, his shoes had an upper flap sewn onto a bottom sole with a socklike net liner to hold grasses for insulation and laces made of grass rope.

Imagine walking around in that. But walking on air is where we?e at now, but that? getting ahead of the story.

Shoemaking is one of the oldest crafts in the world. Virtually every early civilization had skilled craftsmen that used hand tools and techniques that remain unchanged for thousands of years.

Used not only for work, sport and play, shoes also displayed status and even expressed religious beliefs. Shoes from ancient Egypt, Greece and Rome were an established symbol of rank, worn mainly by the rich and powerful.

In fact, it is interesting to note how 14th century England wore shoes more fit for a court jester than a gentleman until King Edward III of England put his foot down.  Shoes were not a laughing matter for him even if they were comically long with pointed toes. An edict in 1363 was issued decreeing a 15-centimetre toes for commoners, a 30-centimetre toe for gentlemen and a 60-centimetre for nobility. 
. 
For most of history, fashionable footwear was the preserve of the well-to-do. At that time, consider yourself lucky to own a single sturdy pair. And the exact measurements in centimeters were meant to keep you constrained to the social class you belong to.

But by the 19th century, handwrought shoes were finally replaced with cheaper, factory-made products as shoemaking changed with mechanized production.

Today, we are no longer defined by the narrow tastes of a ruling elite. Footwear fashions now are driven by popular and street culture. Highly paid product endorsements by celebrities such as Michael Jordan have helped push the mania for designer athletic shoes that has gripped the world since the 1970s.

But despite the riddance of the prejudice that shoes were only for the ruling elite prevalent during the olden times, the 20th century seemed to still see us rolling backwards with our social hang-ups even with shoes.

Why? Athletic shoes were designed only for men. Women? athletic shoes were just an afterthought. They only mimicked the men? line.

But the early part of the 21st century is certainly different. Today, the world of fashion and technology are essential partners in boosting sales for the likes of the athletic shoe giants, Nike, Reebok, Adidas, Puma, among others.

They?e very serious about it. They?e making athletic shoes for women, full-time.

So how would you like to don a pair of sneakers elaborately designed in floral patterns or asymmetric hemlines to match your own wardrobe or favorite jeans or slacks?

There is a hot new market today which athletic-shoe companies are targeting and competing to get a huge bite of the pie. The marketing niche is dubbed as athleisure.

Sneaker designs had its early experiments ten years ago but they were mostly for the men? market. Even so, women? lines came only in smaller sizes and pastel colors.  Then, we saw a wave of athletic shoes with gadgetry and technological advantages to make you perform better on the court or field. One of those hot items was the Reebok air pumps.

But surveys reported that 75% of sneaker purchases were based on how they looked or which big star endorsed them -- more than what these shoes meant to functionally serve. Or so they claimed on what those air pumps can actually do to Jordan? famous flights.

Fashion entered the sneaker scene when the likes of Puma enlisted Jil Sander, a revered designer, to create a limited edition of women? running shoes to help boost sales and improve its lackluster image. That time, the shoes were basically standard-issue Puma that has Jil Sander? logo in gold. The fashion folks loved it and made the Puma name chic.

Skechers was not left behind; in fact, it started earlier in 1992, when it started making waves with teen and female consumers as the Southern California-based footwear company rode on fashion trends, positioning itself as a ?ifestyle?company. The company? advertising stressed on the shoes?stylish look on the flat, well-cushioned Skechers that were comfortable and built on the latest sneaker technology.

But fashion and technology became more important together, not only for men, but all the more for women as shoe marketers saw the vast consumer spending potential of women in the market. While women cover only one-third of $14 billion in annual sales, they found that women would be willing to spend more.

?omen tend not to be price sensitive. They will pay full price,?says Carol Murray, senior analyst for apparel and footwear at Solomon Smith Barney.  She recommended that color and fashion are as important to women as performance.

This strategy is not new.

It originated from the most respected fashion houses in the world. They staged elaborate haute-couture shows that featured creations only a few can afford but everyone lusts after. Hence, this lured retail outlets to browse as the resulting publicity grew for the designs that the fashion houses made public. Money then was made through sales of items like perfumes and scarves.

So at the cost of perfumes and scarves, there? the $100 sneakers for the women? athletic shoes market.

But does this still reflect some semblance of the olden days when shoes were only for the ruling elite?

No.

Today, you don? have to be a Jackie O or a Princess Grace to own designer sneakers. Working women will find these designer sneakers the rage they will die for but will survive.

At the cost of  your month? paycheck. Whew.

This is how Adidas America embarked on its exciting designs for women when it teamed up with Yohji Yamamoto that would produce sneakers that cost a paycheck. John Kawaja, marketing director of Adidas America calls this move an ?mage ploy? So there? the line of $100 ClimaCool Shoes due out in March. The appeal of this pair lies in the variety of colors and sports-category options. In fact, Adidas America has a new collection of sneakers that look like bowling shoes, available in light coral and lemon yellow.

Nike had Michael Jordan? name tacked onto their shoes and made great sales for men? shoes. But for women? shoes, Martin Lotti, Nike? global creative director of women? footwear trots around the globe to seek visual inspiration. On his trip to Bilbao, Spain, the spiraling metallic towers of the Guggenheim Museum struck him. He said, ? wanted to do the same thing with a shoe.?After eighteen months, Nike unveiled the Air Max Specter. It? a slip-on sneaker with an upper sole of grooved, sinuous curves, in the same titanium gray as the museum? exterior. The shoe became the No.1 seller.

Realizing that there is truly a market for women? sneakers, Nike became more active as it launched the Visi Havoc, a $70 sling-back, and the Air Rift, a split-toe design that has been spotted on the feet of Sarah Jessica Parker and Gweneth Paltrow.

Fashion magazine W in February featured Christian Dior clothes with Van sneakers. High-end labels such as Gucci and DKNY are going to peddle shoes that look perfect for the amateur athlete with a price tag for the full-time debutante.

Prada? line of sneakers made of canvas with tread soles and laces, will sport the Prada logo. Nike will launch Visi Mazy, a sling-back in woven fabric in the colors of ?imechill?and ?idnight navy?to compete with Skechers?line they?e developing in denim and a sneaker from Puma by Japanese designer Yasuhiro Mihara.

Truly reminiscent of women? power that soared since the 70s, you?e got women? designer sneakers today that rake in huge profits that the shoe giants once thought happened only for men? athletic shoes.

We can now boot out the likes of  NBA? Jordan, Bryan Kobe and other expensive celebrity endorsements in the marketing scheme. Women now have got their heroes in the likes of great designers such as Yohji Yamamoto, Yashiro Mihara, Martin Lotti, among budding others, who know what women want in fashion. Athletic shoes, included.

Finally, the athletic shoe giants are listening to women power.

It's about time.

"Getting Out of the Rut"

"I've been in this dead end job for years and I feel that my life? been wasted,?says Caroline, 34. She? a plain housewife.

??e earned my keep selling real estate property, built my own home and have lots of friends I?e kept through the years, but why do I feel that I?e been at this for years??That? a question from Rose, 36.

?his is the same merry-go-round that I?e been riding for a long time now in my life. I?e been to heaven, hell and back to where to now? I don? even know where I am now,?observed Gigi, 40, marketing consultant .

?y boyfriend and I have been steady for two years. We?e had our up? and down? and are planning to have a family next year. Sometimes I think that I? going to get married because I think it?l do us good. Personally, at this point I? wondering if marriage will do wonders not just for us, but for me because I feel so bored with almost everything these days, ?claims Cecil.

If you sound like any of these women, what common feeling seems to pervade?

It? the same, familiar feeling you get when you wake up in the morning and the same last thing you?e resigned yourself into when you retire at night. You heave a sigh of resignation.

So what? the problem?

You feel you?e stuck. Being in a rut is losing sight of your goals. What was once you thought was what you wanted has now turned into your trap. Suddenly, you?e not as energetic and as joyous when as how you started.

Norman Vincent Peale, D.D. recommends the following questions and steps you must ask yourself.
1.	How are you doing?
2.	Where do you want to get?
3.	What gives you the most satisfaction?

If you get fuzzy answers to those three questions, you need to take out a pen and paper and make a list.

Being vague about what you want and how soon you want to achieve it or to get it is the hallmark of an unfocused mind. You must get rid of it.

Pinpoint your primary goal in life. 
Stating that you want to be happy or want more money isn? enough. You must be very exacting about your goals. Look deeper into yourself. Follow your heart? deepest

desires. It? bound to be somewhere in the corner. You just happened to delay its surfacing because of your busy life.

?I want to be a happier husband and a more loving father in the next 6 months, not just a successful lawyer and family provider.?
? want to take up an MBA so I can step up the ladder in the next three years as Business Development Director?

?or a change, I need to have my family on vacation next summer in Hong Kong and not the usual trips to Baguio.?
? don? want to be an employee; I want to own a small boutique in Greenhills so I can have extra money so I can repaint my car.?
Use your imagination to fan your desire. 
Ask happy people how they got there and many times, they will tell you that they clearly knew what they wanted, not just what they didn? want.

The more you are creative about the benefits that your goals will bring you, the more you will be inspired to pursue your goals. It takes vivid imagination, every little detail to describe your goals. Set the tone, paint the colors, describe the place, smell the scene. Use your senses to describe the whole picture of your goals. You?l be amazed that the more you stay vivid and imaginative, the more your goals become clearer to you.

Expect to pay for what you get.
Many times we make the mistake of setting high goals but we don? match it with the effort and expectations of having to work harder for it.

But if your goals remain daunting at the moment, you can break down the goals into separate steps towards achieving it. Taking one step at a time involves planning: a timetable, objectives set for each step, what to do to accomplish it, a fallback plan if things don? work. Little steps is simply moving your foot forward one at a time until you come closer to your goals. Don? get caught up in the results. Focus on enjoying your efforts and you?l get there sooner than you think.

Without a plan, you cannot pay for what you want to have. A plan equips you with the power to get a grip on what you want.

Send the right signals to your unconscious mind. 
Fearful thoughts, doubts, feelings of failure and all those negative thoughts that you?e creative about get stuck in your conscious. But if you can convert these feelings into positive ones, along with a very clear picture of your goals that you must hold on to very persistently, your unconscious will begin to accept it. In the process, your unconscious will return these positive thoughts and clarity back into your conscious mind, producing insights, ideas, inspiration and new energy.

Be willing to fail ?temporarily. 
There was this man who was told that he was going to always be a loser. He failed in business in ?1., defeated in state legislature in ?2, failed in business again in ?4, had a nervous breakdown in ?1, didn? receive his party? nomination in Congress in ?3, ran for the Senate but lost in ?5 and was defeated again in ?8. In 1960, Abraham Lincoln was elected president of the United States of America. No matter how long the road to success, and for as long as he was still alive and breathing, he always regarded defeat as temporary.

In other words, no one can put you down except yourself. Believe in the power of thought to change things.

Never regard yourself as unimportant or insignificant. 
One of the biggest disservice one can do to himself is to make a case of himself. Just because you?e a salesman, a janitor, a housewife, a baby sitter, a cook or any of the above, the worst thing you can do to yourself is to belittle what you are.

Stop those alibis.  
? don? have enough money.?
? live too far.?
?he timing is bad and wrong.?
? can? just leave my work behind; I have responsibilities.?
We are so adept and creative with our alibis that it? practically stopping us from getting out of the rut and into something new.

George Bernard Shaw said, ?I don? believe in circumstances. The people who go on in this world are the people who look for circumstances they want. And if they can? find them, they make them.?
Seize the day. Make that move right now. Get down on it. Just do it. A whole lot of slogans and song lines of that sort are what you need to get started.

"Cheers to Green Tea Extracts"

Green tea has been the toast for generations among tea drinkers from the Far East. However, scientists from the western world are rediscovering the benefits of drinking green tea not only in its role of promoting good health, but also of developing good skin.

But much has yet to be unearthed about green tea.

Eighty percent of tea drinkers worldwide consume black tea. Green tea is Japan? most popular tea of choice, including China but the numbers account for only about a fifth of all tea drinkers around the world.

It is still unclear whether black tea has the same intriguing characteristics that of green tea. With black tea, it is harvested, the leaves are rolled and exposed to air to stimulate oxidation of its main biological ingredients. With green tea, on the other hand, they are steamed and heated to remove the enzyme that promotes oxidation, a potentially crucial difference.

In general, the tea plant has pointed, sharp, shiny, tannin-rich leaves and single white flowers. It is an evergreen; its cured leaves are brewed to drink. It is the various methods of curing that produce different teas. The essential oils present the aroma and flavor while tannin vies the ?ite?and color.

Among the known teas, Indian tea is an astringent high in tannin. China tea has more caffeine; it is a tonic drunk to clear toxins and regulate the metabolism like oolong tea that may cholesterol.

Lesley Bremness? book on ?erbs?(DK Publishing Inc) tells us that research on green tea shows that it may stimulate the immune system while cooled black tea bags soothe sunburn.

Furthermore, Peter Bernstein and Christopher Ma, editors of ?he Practical Guide to Almost Everything?(Random House 1995),  reveal in their book that tea is said to be ?he second most popular drink in the world after water, but researchers are investigating whether one variety of tea has properties that can lower cholesterol levels and blood pressure and even inhibit the development of several forms of tumors.?
In fact, further preliminary studies suggest that the leaves of green tea and its chemical make-up contain cancer-fighting agents.

Green tea extracts in one study of laboratory animals show that they not only seemed to help prevent skin cancer but to also protect arteries from being clogged up by fatty foods. More lab studies show that green tea helps combat esophageal and lung cancer.

Hasan Mukhtar, professor from the department of dermatology, Case Western Reserve University explains, ?f all the anti-oxidants known to man, green tea is the most potent.?
Anti-oxidants are powerful chemicals that disarm free radicals, the harmful molecules created when the body converts food into energy. They break down toxic substances. Anti-oxidants also help keep blood vessels elastic and the heart beating strong.

Some groundbreaking news on the use of green tea extracts seem promising. However, these substances that are being ?romoted as anti-oxidants when taken chemically but may not work topically? according to Robin Ashinoff, NYU Medical center.

Still, according to an August issue of the Archives of Dermatology, topical green tea has anti-inflammatory and anti-cancer benefits.

?y loading the skin with anti-oxidants, green tea stops free radicals in their tracks. ?
Free radicals eat up healthy cells in a vicious cycle that may lead to wrinkles, sun spots or even skin cancer.

Despite the optimism that green tea extracts seems to skin research, the amount you use when washing your face with green tea is still undetermined. Mukhtar says that ?esearchers are still determining the effect amount.?
Meanwhile, as the benefits of tea are becoming more evident among health-conscious buffs, green tea, in general, appears to be the choice pick among all the teas. Choosing the right kind of tea for various purposes are well serving.

There's a selection of tea drinks that bring a sense of calm and relaxation, speed up metabolism, help get rid of toxic chemicals in the body, keep you awake, induce sleep, assist in the lowering of sugar levels in the blood, and a host of wonderful  remedies in this age-old beverage. There is no doubt, however, that the development of green tea extracts are underway from becoming a drink to topical in application particularly for skin, as a skin care product supplement.

Perhaps once day, we may find women doing away with AHAs and BHAs ointments that tend to sting sensitive skin and prove too uncomfortable for  women who have busy lifestyles.  Imagine instead women washing their faces with solutions containing green tea extracts. You can almost predict that science has finally sprung into the secret of this magical herb. To find the latest developments on green tea extract and skin care, there? a load of information in the Internet. Read up on herbs and teas to supplement your reading.

"How to Avoid Snooping"

Do you find yourself looking into your boyfriend? car compartment? When he comes late or misses an appointment, do you check out his cellphone? Do you peek into your colleague? email? Do you eavesdrop when your sister? on the phone? Do you check your mom? wallet when she? shopping? Do you ask your best friend? household help where she? been the night before? Do you follow your little brother around without him knowing? Do you interview your boyfriend? friends and ask if he? dating someone else? Do you always feel this compulsion to look at the private belongings of others? Are you more of a spy than a relationship-builder?

If found out, how many arguments have you had about this? If it? more than any number of times you can count, you have a problem. If it? the only thing that? being talked about, your relationship with others is a problem.

There are a number of reasons why people snoop.

Insecurity, distrust and envy top the list. 
When you know the history of  others who were reputed to be notorious or bad, you are bound to be suspicious.  If it? not for drugs or alcohol, it may well be another girlfriend or a wife you never knew about. Or if it? money you want but don? have, then you?e envious.

However, whether you like it or not, the first person you distrust most when you go snooping around in others?private things and affairs is yourself. You do not trust that you have enough because your fear comes first for what you lack before you allow others to come clean before your eyes. As far as you?e concerned, they?e ones who shouldn? have what they have.

Snooping gives you the false feeling of being in control and being powerful. 
The lack of respect in others fuels this kind of inappropriate behavior. If your capacity for respecting others?space is absent, it is because you are assuming that you have every right to pry.

Cynthia, 28, a marketing supervisor in a telecommunications company had trouble with her boss.

?e would stay late after office hours, right after I spend many hours working on the plan for tomorrow? presentation. The next morning, when I come in to do some finishing touches on my work, I can sense that my stuff has been rearranged. I knew that it was my boss when a colleague of mine told me in confidence that my boss was going over my papers without my knowledge just because he? the boss. I felt very insulted.?
Snooping, spying and prying behavior come from having been deprived as a child  by overbearing authority figures.

Folks who can? get a hold of themselves for having to look into the cabinets, drawers and bags of others are acting out from early feelings of disapproval. In order to compensate for approval they feel they didn? get, they over-compensate by meddling into the privacy of others. Because disapproval was strong at home, children who enter into adult life carry these overwhelming feelings over time inappropriately by crossing over  boundaries. It is their way of saying, ?t last, I have permission to do this and I don? have to get that from you.?
When snoopers have been punished over and over again as children for not being good enough, they have grown to take it upon themselves to deprive others of the power often misconstrued in the form of permission.

This is why it is important to allow children to make their own mistakes in their life without name-calling and blame. If the child is unable to see beyond the rational for his mistakes, feelings of inadequacy take the form of resentment and a disdain for others whom they feel deprive them of approval they actually need.

Snooping therefore becomes a way of acting out the huge need to bear the power that only came from authority figures that gave them permission. It is the lack of  approval and freedom wrought by disapproval in childhood that take the form of rebelling against authority or persons who threaten the false sense of security inherent in snoopers.

How to avoid snooping or how to help someone stop snooping:

Discuss with the snooper the persons or situations that threaten him, that provoke feelings of inadequacy or inferiority. 
Targets of snoopers are usually people who are close to them. If you observe the dynamic behind the snooper and his victim, you will most likely find that the snooper is seeking more approval from his victim or is threatened by his victim.

Snoopers actually feel handicapped in many ways. They usually work from a standpoint of feeling left out and isolated from a significant other. Thus, they become suspicious and resent being left out. Discuss the reasons why the snooper feels this way towards his victim. Most likely, he or she feels victimized by the other such as being overly dependent on him, financially. A secretive friend or colleague also provokes snooping behavior because the snooper feels he is not being entrusted with secrets. That he is not in the loop while others are. Or that he feels that his buddy is competing with him secretly.

Anna, 33, an architect, had difficulty dealing with her mother because she always talked instead to her older siblings about family affairs and not to her.

? grew up resenting the fact that my two cents?worth had little value and meaning about what I had to say about the family. Mom always ran to my older sisters and they contributed to this conspiracy by leaving out the details. So when I? get into the purse of my mom or my sisters?drawers, I do not feel a sense of embarrassment but feel that I have every right. If they didn? fill me in with the latest family affairs of which I? usually caught off-guard, I surprise them with the things I know about them after looking into their private belongings without their knowledge. I just don? like being left out. Snooping is wrong, but if I feel that I? deliberately being treated like an outsider, I make sure that I will not be that outsider.?
Snoopers have a way of justifying their wrong actions, but it is really a cry for help.
It is sad to note that snoopers can grow apathetic to their victims. But on hindsight, this is their compulsive response to the indifference they feel around them.
If you feel that a snooper lives under your own roof, you must find ways to enjoin him into the fold. Helping him join family conversations can help the snooper feel less alienated. What you need to do is to make him feel welcome. Many victims naturally become distant to the snooper, but if it? a problem that persists, punishing them does not solve the problem. It is simply not behavioral but an emotional problem. Snoopers come from a dearth of feeling they have less than others. If you can find ways to empower the snooper emotionally, doing so will help him feel less intimated by his own material lack. Praise him for little good deeds instead of blaming him for his shortcomings. Give him a hug instead of a cold stare if he sits quietly in your room. Compassion can go a long way for snoopers who are like  frightened children who need attention and understanding.

If you are a compulsive snooper, talk it out with a trusted friend. 
There are many underlying reasons for behaving inappropriately towards persons whom you feel do not approve of you. If you feel that your behavior is getting out of hand, getting this burden off your chest is a load off your back. You are sure that it is damaging your relationship with others and your reputation.

Most snoopers target the people they are close to and these are the persons with whom they have unresolved issues. 
If your friend knows the person you?e talking about, share your feelings about him or her. Most snoopers are loners who have a world of their own especially when they find it difficult to find people they can talk to about those who do not give them the approval they need. When a friend sincerely hears out the troubles of a snooper, it helps the snooper break through the mistrust that isolates him from others. Most of all, a compassionate and understanding friend will help the snooper feel safe. Snoopers are hypersensitive to threatening situations, real or perceived. Long years of conditioning that espouse disapproval from authority figures have battered the self-esteem of snoopers.

Even when you fear telling a friend that you?e a snooper, you don? have to at first. It?l come slowly.
The idea is to discuss why you have feelings of resentment towards your victims. The idea is to get the issues out in the open. The issues are usually about not being good enough by their victims. 
If a loved one is a snooper, help him realize that what he? doing is wrong.
If you suspect that a loved one has been looking into your stuff without your knowledge, you can jolt him with a little surprise. Snoopers sometimes think that their victim doesn? know that his things have been touched. Or that that they don? know who? been prying. Instead, leave little notes in your bag, drawer or cabinets that say, ?o not touch. Keep out!? Or be more succinct:  ?ow would you feel if someone looked into your purse???ll you need to do is ask.??ip your hands in here and they?l stay itchy forever.??ould you like to be called a kleptomaniac???espect the privacy of others and you?l get respect in return.??ou can take them all but I leave them in your conscience.?

"Love For Sale"

They say heaps of money can buy you anything. Or that money is the root of all evil. But how do you explain all those popular game shows on television that have millions of cash at stake and the throngs of TV viewers that are so enthralled at the prospect of seeing TV contestants win the grand prize? Everybody wants the smart trivia family man to win!

While we are awaiting consumer spending to pick up and help prop up flagging economies worldwide, it is quite difficult to dismiss the notion that money does give you security and peace of mind. So much so that while we are on the brink of hanging on to our jobs in the face of massive lay-offs, that still doesn? disprove the fact that we prefer that our financial situation must stay favorable if we want a stable and enjoyable lifestyle. That even if we cannot keep up with the Joneses, at least, we can still stay within their neighborhood. Because what does come with the package? Along with creature comforts, advancing careers and growing families, the quest for true love is somehow relegated to the status of  ?urchasable? for many varied reasons.
 
Men and women have always wanted to have the whole package: a new car, a new house, a great business. Even love that? available  as their possessions. Isn? this worrisome?

Has it become so evident in this day and age that the accumulation of wealth has superceded our natural desire to bequest love, pure love at that, in its purest form? That the pursuit of wealth has taken over the pursuit of true love that the latter can even be bought these days?

James, 29, a Fil-Am bachelor who just came to town, said, ?aving money brings you security for your future. It also provides you the means to enjoy your life. And part of that means, having the resources to woo your woman with gifts to show your love and that really isn? a bad thing at all.?
Taking from that cue, can we say that love therefore, has become sellable?

How about taking it from Sean, 36 and a successful real estate broker who rationalizes, ?oney provides me endless opportunities to travel and meet lots of interesting people. In fact, without money to go around and do all that, I wouldn? have found my wife from halfway around the world.?
Indeed, money and love seem to be conniving partners these days. While having a thick wallet has allowed many a bachelor and bachelorette to wine and dine and travel the world in romantic sojourns, where do we draw the line between love and money? When can we truly say that if mismanaged or used for the wrong intentions do we say that money does beget evil even when love is our desired possession?

That? it.

Love cannot be bought. It cannot be sold. It cannot be owned. Love is shared and given freely. So is it received graciously. Somewhere along the way, in our chase in the rat race and our fixation with the highs in the fast lane, we?e forgotten that love does not belong in this league of accumulated wealth.

Frances, 30, a Makati executive and June bride-to-be, had trouble in the beginning for refusing the lavish gifts of her fiance, Chris. Chris was always used to the fine things in life and wanted to enjoy what he had with his future wife. For a time, Frances was flattered and floored when Chris, on their second year anniversary, as a surprise, bought her bouquets of roses that almost filled her room, with an invitation that booked them at the most expensive oyster bar in town.

?e was such a romantic, that I was so in love with that part of him. No one ever gave that much to me before and in such a grand fashion. However, as the months went along and we were so busy with our respective careers, I felt that we lacked private time together especially when we were planning to get married the following two years.

?hris made up for his absence with boxes of imported chocolate, gifts for my mom, concert tickets for my brothers. My family loved him because he was so thoughtful. But in the long run, I felt that his attention was becoming more superficial. I dearly missed our heart-to-heart talks. I woke up one day, finding his engagement ring right next to my pillow, but where was he??
Frances continued, ?I returned it and said that we were going to start all over the way we did. That my emotional investment in this serious relationship was not going to be bought with material things. I wanted a real friend, lover and a present husband-to-be, not a gift shop!?
If you?e caught in a bind on distinguishing genuine attention from lavish love, but don? want to fall into the trap of selling your heart short, here? what you can do:

Determine what? lacking in your relationship. Tune in to the gaps when the gifts start to make you blind. Start being honest with yourself.
Is it the lack of openness? Too many secrets? Too little time together? The lack of tenderness and intimacy? The lack of trust? Undefined terms in your relationship?

Many times, couples are in a relationship that happens quickly, and so you have whirlwind affairs that sweep you off your feet in grand fashion such as lavish gift-giving. Before you know it, your partner has gotten so comfortable with the way things are when you are becoming more uncomfortable with the idea that you haven? discussed much about where your relationship is going.

Discuss troublesome issues with your partner. 
Sometimes gifts serve their purpose well especially when the intentions early in the relationship are sincere. But being in a relationship and keeping the values that should be present for it to grow is an altogether different thing. Along the way, the values you want in a relationship such as intimacy, time together, exclusivity, loyalty and honesty are replaced by gifts. When these issues are avoided by your partner when confronted with them and are however compensated by gift-giving, someone is denying that there is a problem or refuses to solve problems in the relationship. Needless to say, your partner is stalling.

More than anything else, because you continue to accept those gifts, you?e to blame, too, for perpetuating a situation not to your liking.

Drop those gifts. Do not accept them. Insist on discussing matters. Get down to the heart of it: you and your partner must work things out and towards a mutually acceptable compromise. If your partner refuses to work out the loopholes in your relationship, stop accepting those gifts. Your values are worth more than his wallet.

Gift-giving does enhance romance, but if it? the language of your relationship, you ought to buckle down to what? not being said about it. 
Money does make the world go around. It even makes your heart flutter with delight at the sight of a gold necklace, gifts from Bossini, travel tickets to the Bahamas. But is your partner ever around for you to enjoy them with you? For all you know, he? still hung up with his ex-girlfriend. Or he? busy lavishing gifts to other women as well. Or he claims he? a free spirit who doesn? want to be tied down. Or he just doesn? know what he wants so he has his cake and eats it, too.

Meanwhile, your worth has shot up to the price of thousands while he is keeping you in his nest. It? time to wake up with a heart full of courage to declare what you want especially when your bed is empty all the time.

Return to the worth of your love and self-respect when you don? get what you want in your relationship except lavish gifts. 
While this may be difficult at first, even as family and friends approve of your lover and think he? really such a great guy, don? be pressured by all the praise when you really know the score: He? always not around when you need him. You keep making those calls instead of him. You?e adjusting your schedule all the time to his just so you can be together. You wonder why his cellphone keeps ringing or who is he texting in the middle of the night when you?e together? He never tells you where he is and where he? going; all he says it? a last-minute boys night-out.

You can think of a host of reasons he? told you. And when your heart is tearing apart because he? hardly there for you in real terms, he leaves you your favorite imported brand of chocolates in the fridge before you know where he? off to. Again.

If this is how your relationship is going, get out of it. If you can? resist the romantic ? love you?scribbled in the little note that goes with the imported and costly bracelet he left you after scooting off somewhere else as usual, that little note is actually the price tag you?e paying for. It? for the time and kind of meaningful relationship you?l never have with him.

If everything else has a price, your self respect doesn?. It? priceless.
You deserve more than what you?e bargaining for. For all it? worth, your love and self respect are priceless for a relationship that? short-changing you, more than you?l ever have the honesty to admit it. Make sure you wear your priceless self-worth before him instead of wearing the gold necklace, the expensive signature shirt or what-have-you he? given.

Frances finally rid of her extravagant boyfriend, Chris and met Mat when she finally put a rein on their relationship.

?at and I are now a couple and not a love catering service because that? how I felt my relationship with Chris was all about. Not only because I was more clear about what I wanted, but because Mat was mature and more focused about what he wanted in his life. He learned from his old relationships before and knew that loyalty, honesty and respect are worth more than courting his woman who never gave enough of that to him.

?n more ways than one, Mat and I came from the same learning experiences. I am so glad he? the one I? marrying. We share the same values. He doesn? have to hide or cheat behind the gifts because he really knows what he wants in our relationship. In that sense, our respect for each other  keeps growing and it? a relief that I have someone to learn from, too. I didn? learn anything from Chris except my return to self-respect at the cost of all those gifts he gave me. It didn? have to be that way so I stopped seeing Chris.?
 Once you wake up to the reality of your relationship you?e not happy  about; once you?e gotten over the delirium of gift bonanza that? keeping your boyfriend from confronting issues in your relationship, it? time you put up the sign, ?y love is not for sale.?Do that and you?l attract a more worthy and suitable partner who? honest, loyal, reciprocal and sensitive to your relationship.

For as long as you accept gifts but are putting your self-worth on the line, you?l never be happy in the relationship. You?l only be in debt.  
How many women don? have the heart to break up with their partners who give gifts instead of what matters in the relationship? How many women have cried alone in their beds, waiting for their guy to call but he doesn?? How many have heard of thousands of creative excuses at the cost of  a gift in return?

Why then can? women ever come around to giving up when their love is for sale? Because accepting gifts makes them feel trapped. While women want more  honesty, availability, understanding and loyalty from their man but don? and instead, they get gifts in return, often enough they think that their man does care about them. Get real. It? a ploy to hide the issues and the tricks he does for not being around for you. He? into love for the chase and the hunt. It? a game. He has no trouble spending. It? a hobby.

Come to think of it, if you think his lavish love means he really cares about you, imagine who else he? giving this to? Ouch.

"Lip Color and Care"

Walking into a showcase that displays all those wonderful colors of the latest lipstick in town is like getting into a candy store. The colors just look delightful. But the colors only look as good if you run a tester. That means, the underlying or undertone color shows the true color of that particular lipstick you?e been eyeing for days.  Make sure you test run a color onto a piece of white paper and check what else color you see. It? harder to see the underlying color on skin until it? too late. 
	
So if you?e looking  for a specific color, and think it? the true color on your favorite brown lipstick, it? best to know some basic lipstick undertones. What are you looking for? For theory's sake, let's take your favorite  brown toned lipstick. 
These are:

Yellow-orange: 
This looks super on warm skin tone as it makes the color warmer and softer. However, if you?e pale or fair, it can bring out the green-blue undertones of your skin. In this case, to be safer, select the one on the yellow side, rather than the orange. Your skin can look gray and sluggish if you wear the kind that? more on the orange side.

Red - pink: 
It? harder and deeper as it makes the color seem warmer. But since your skin has different red tones, you? have to be more prudent with your choice.

Silver-grey: 
Light, shimmer lipsticks are in vogue these days as it adds shimmer, depth, softness  and are easy to spot. However, don? choose one that too much on the blue/grey side. It makes circles under eyes stand out. Yikes.

Yellow-orange: 
This looks super on warm skin tone as it makes the color warmer and softer. However, if you?e pale or fair, it can bring out the green-blue undertones of your skin. In this case, to be safer, select the one on the yellow side, rather than the orange. Your skin can look gray and sluggish if you wear the kind that? more on the orange side.

Green: 
Most trendy colors have them and they?e usually paired with a yellow tone. It? cool and hip, but you?l sure look like you?l need more color on your face.

The rule of thumb.
If you don? like whatever skin color you have such as blue or grey under those eyes, redness of your nose, pink cheeks, do not copy the same color in your lipstick  color or undertone as well. It's like wearing a red dress with sunburn. It  just makes the problem appear worse than it is.

For fuller lips.
Choose a light or bright pencil shade. Line your lips outside the natural lip line. A light, bright and/or frosted lipstick makes lips look more prominent. To make thin lips appear fuller, lips gloss does the job by reflecting light.

Over-paint with a lip liner the cupid? bow and slightly beyond on the top lip and lowering the center of the bottom lip. Flat lips gain added roundness and dimension with the trick of luminescence. There are lipsticks with built-in luminescence to reflect light even on the smallest  lips. A lip gloss will also create this effect. While dark muted shades make lips fade, bright shade of lipstick and lip pencil draw more attention to the lips Line with a pencil outside the lower side of the lips and inside on the higher side of the lips to give balance.

Matte lipstick. 
Then, cover the pencil line when you apply the lipstick in the shade of your choice. With a muted lip pencil shade, outline lips slightly inside the natural lip line. You can use do this with a muted shade of lipstick in a matte, long last cr?e formula. Matte lipsticks appear less oily. Compare its texture with that of matte paper material on some classy brochures. That? what matte lipstick does to your lips. It makes your lips look more creamy and less glossy or oily. It carries a sexy look.

Blush color and lipstick. 
A stronger blush color is needed for light lipstick, dark or vivid lipstick requires softer blush color. The blush color you use must belong to the same color family color as your lip color.

Long-lasting lipstick. 
They?e the sticks with colors that last longer than usual. It? indicated in the label if you?e looking for one. But before applying  long-lasting lipsticks, your lips must be free of moisturizers and/or foundation before putting on lipstick or else they won? stay properly. Long-lasting lipsticks must settle on your lips, all you need to do is wait for a few more seconds before applying a gloss. Make sure you also use a lip conditioner every night when you use a long-lasting lipstick daily.

Ways and means to shape lips.
Aside from our eyes that say a thousand words, lips portray what kind of mood you?e in.  To enhance the beauty of the face, lips must be taken care of and have color, too.  You can also redefine the lips by covering the lip line with face foundation color.  All you need to do is dab lightly to set it right.

What the lip pencil does.
It? a pencil that has colors like lipsticks do are especially made for lips. They?e important when you want to create the illusion of a specific shape of your lips other than what you have now without lipstick. Like painting when you use different kinds of brushes for particular strokes and effect, a lip pencil helps you with that.

With a lip pencil, start on the upper lip and daw a ??in the bow area. Lips are like canvas so you must paint with care and skill. Don? have your ??pointed by extending the line from each peak to the corner of the mouth with slightly rounded peaks. Then, to strengthen the top lip, add natural highlight line. Blend softly with a lip brush  and lightly follow just above your new lip line with lighter foundation  color. Apply lip color.  On the center of the mouth, fill darker color , while add lighter color to the corners.  If you want a pretty pout, use darker lip pencil and strengthen the center just  under the lower lip line.  For an evening look, apply powdered lip color for a shimmery effect.

For proper care of lips, mind what you sip and kiss.
	Hot or cold drinks affect the texture of lips because they?e very sensitive tissues muck like skin. You also need moisturizers to keep them from getting dry. It is wrong to think that licking your lips will bring back the moisture but it is gives you temporary wet look. When saliva dries on lips, it makes them dry. Bring a chap lip when your lips are dry. And when they?e dry, don? even attempt to peel off hanging dry skin as your lips can easily bleed.

Even strong mouthwash and toothpaste can cause your lips to dry so be careful with the kind of brand you use. Not to mention, too much kissing as it can also make lips swell as pressure on those areas causes temporary blocking of vessels for blood to flow. So ease up on being a heavy kisser if you want your lips to look in shape.

New product in town (PDI-Lifestyle, April 30, 2000/Tuesday issue).
	Beaucontrol? new Lip Apeel, Line Peel and Regeneration Gold Lip Therapy  are among the company? newest revolutionary products.

Lip Apeel minimizes vertical lines and laugh lines caused by premature aging, genetics and smoking.

When your lipstick causes buildup that creates uneven lipstick coverage and lip blemishes, Line Peel removes that waxy excess while the lip balm gives you sotf, smooth and young-looking lips as it provides against dehydration.

In order to minimze the appearance of fine lines and wrinkles around the lips, you need Vitamins A, C, D and E that protects lips against future damage and aging and locks in moisture for soft, smooth, supple lips. Regenration Gold Lip Therapy gives lips the lusciousness it seeks with a revolutionary ingredient called Maxilip, a deep-penetrating formula that boosts natural collagen production within two to three weeks. It also has an advanced exfoliating power to minimize lines.

"Dealing With Cellulite"

Cellulite is a tough body blemish to get rid of.

NYC plastic surgeon, Elliott Rose, M.D., said, ?ellulite occurs when fat gets trapped in the tissue under the skin, causing alternating and depression ?or the cottage-cheese look.?

Many women have been trying to get rid of this skin for ages. It? marked on the thighs of women who?e had the courage to march down the shoreline and malls in skimpy bikinis, skirts and shorts. The sight of it cannot escape your eyes nor does is ignored by the women themselves who have them.

Cellulite has no cure. It? a fact that doctors tell their clients.

?opical creams, electric muscle stimulation, acupuncture, fasting, even air-pressure pants ?we?e tried everything to get rid of this orange-peel appearance,?explains Alan Matarasso, M.D., a New York City plastic surgeon.

However, the quick fixes have offered benefits to skin with cellulite, other than alter the physiology of the fat and connective tissue under the skin. The array of gels, lotions and creams that claim to melt away any lump or bump have become a $100 million business for many companies. Marketing vice president for Nivea, Susan Savole notes that ?omen love the idea of rubbing on a cream to get rid of cellulite, whether or not it works.?
So what do cosmetic companies focus on? It? the appearance and feel of the skin that lotion can change such as ?kin-firming?and ?ody lifting?

But there? a sliver of hope in two cellulite treatments to date: Endermologie and SilkLight. They?e two of the cellulite massage devices that ?emporarily reduce the appearance of cellulite?

These machines function like high-tech, lump-flattening rolling pins. With a handle that connects two rollers, there? vacuum hose between the rollers. How does this work. When the device is moved across the body, the rollers massage the skin beneath them, while the vacuum moves across skin between the rollers.

Dermatologic surgeon and director of the Kansas City Laser and Skin Surgery Center in Overland Park, Kansas, Mark McCune, M.D.. claims, ?he way it works is not really known, but it? a theory that the massage increases the skin? circulation, which may help metabolize fat pockets more efficiently.?While the US Food and Drug Administration does not regulate the Endermologie and SilkLight devices, manufacturers were allowed to claim temporary reduction. Endermologie was a long guarded secret by experts from France nearly 20 years ago, but was imported to the United States only in 1996. The American copycat, SilkLight, followed in 1997.

However, New York City plastic surgeon, Dr. Gregory LaTrenta, M.D., one of the first doctors in the United States to offer the cellulite-reducing treatment points out, ?ndermologie is only one weapon in the battle of the bulge.?

Dr. LaTrenta explains that he refuses to take up clients who aren? already active and in the healthy weight range for their height (less than 20 percent over your ideal weight).

?f a patient is seriously overweight, she? really not going to see results, because there? too much fat in her subcutaneous tissues to smooth out. She?l be wasting her money.?
That? right. There? a hefty price to pay for Endermologie and SilkLight ?reatments? It can cost you $ 20,000 upwards, at an average of $100 a pop, for clients lusting after sleeker thighs.

In order to get the best results from the treatments, sold in packages of up to 20, clients must first exercise regularly and eat a healthy diet.

Furthermore, ?his type of treatment if going to require ongoing maintenance,?says Dr. Matarasso.

You are required a follow-up visit once a month, the sessions last for 35 minutes and cost between $75 and $125. Most practitioners suggest you come for one or two sessions a week, totaling 16 to 20 sessions. Cash translation: $ 1,200 to $2,500. Whew.

What? more, once you stop the treatments, you can expect the slide right back down that slippery cellulite scope.

Despite the huge cost for such message treatments, practitioner and clients are getting promising reports, at least in the short term.

Dr. McCune says, ?ome of our patients get dramatic results. We take measurements of a patient? body before treatment, after 10 sessions, and at the end of the therapy. I?e had several patients who?e seen a tremendous improvement in the smoothening of their cellulite, and because they combined treatments with diet and exercise, each lost up to 10 to 14 inches total from different parts of their bodies.?
But patients shouldn? get the wrong idea about these massage treatments.

Endermologie has to be distinguished from liposuction. Liposuction removes bulges of fat permanently while Endermologie is aimed at improving the appearance and texture of the skin.

However, there are still many skin experts who remain skeptical about Endermologie and SilkLight treatments.

Kenneth Rothaus, M.D., assistant clinical professor of plastic surgery at New York Presbyterian Hospital, says, ?o far, I haven? seen what I would consider a peer-reviewed control study of Endermologie showing that it has long-lasting effects. While the studies that have been done on pigs have shown that Endermologie offers benefits, I need to see the same results in humans to be convinced.?
Back to the quick fix list of creams, lotions and gels known as ?kin-firming?and ?ody lifting? some products make skin feel tighter. Clarins Body Lift 2000 claims that their new version of their previous formulation can improve skin firmness by an evrage of 18 percent if used consistently.

Skin seemed to look better for products like Elizabeth Arden Ceramide Firm Lift Body that contains a mix of vitamin A derivative, and Ceramide 6, a moisturizer to heal parched patches. Clients claim that their cellulite didn? disappear but it kept their skin moisturized.

You see, many women have wisened up about their cellulite. You can? make this go away. It would take a miracle and expensive treatment. But with the $100 million business that cosmetic companies invest in, it is because women love the idea of rubbing on a cream to get rid of cellulite even though they know it won?. Woman enjoy the feel and appearance of their skin with these quick fix products.

There? also skepticism about Cellasene, dubbed the new ?ellulite pill? The 
buzz has been enormous about it. Marketed as dietary supplement rather than a cosmetic, it isn? regulated by the US Food and Drug Administration. The basic premise behind the pill is that estrogen is the primary cause of cellulite. However, U.S. doctors aren? buying into the estrogen-cellulite connection. Sold in drugstores and aiming to treat cellulite through a mix of plant extracts, the pill arrived in the U.S. from Europe with zero published, conclusive data support. For now, doctors are adopting a wait-and see attitude with this pill that? positioned as a dietary supplement.

The said only sure way is lose fat through a combination of sensible eating and sweat through the ultimate thigh-whitting workout.

There are three ways. There? the:  
Walking lunge. Take a really big step and be sure your front knee is directly over your toe with each lunge.

Arabesques. While holding on to the back of a chair, lift one leg at a time diagonally behind you, squeezing buttocks and keeping knee of lifted leg bent slightly, foot flexed, and toes turned out.

Climbing stairs. Stride up the stairs, three at a time sideways, facing the railing instead of up.

"How to Be A Good House Guest"

A good host always brings priceless memories for house guests, whether he or she is a visiting uncle or aunt, an good old college buddy, a young family from abroad or your mother. Everyone loves a generous host. Every time a house guest takes out the photo album to show off to his friends and relatives, the pictures bring heart-warming memories of those visits to the home of a good host.  And many repeat visits are invitations that come in abundance because the host always has open arms for loving reunions.

While we may never forget our visits  during the summer to the rest house of  our childhood, the host does have many unforgettable moments with his visitors as well. Not because they are next of kin or that the get-togethers have become tradition. More than anything else, if there? a good host that welcomes reunions at his doorstep every year, it? also because his visitors are good house guests as well.

Invitations are a privilege. It? also a responsibility as a house guest to respond to that invitation with honor.

So are you a good house guest?

You?e a good house guest  if you respond to the invitation graciously and promptly.
Not many folks always find the homes of their friends, relatives and family open for lodging. Everyone is always busy and going about their daily lives, making ends meet, but once a gift like an invitation to visit is offered, accept it with the grace it deserves. It means that your host is thinking about you and wants you to enjoy that much-needed vacation in your company. Once you receive that invitation, check your schedule, talk about that delayed vacation with your partner and respond to the invitation quickly. Be a guest with honor.

When entering the home of your host, abide by acceptable rules that keep the household running smoothly. What rules are generally acceptable to both the host and house guest?
?	Make sure you don? bring your dog if your host is allergic to furry animals. If you miss out on knowing the nuances of your host, you might end taking care of him because of an allergic attack.

?	Offer to help clean up the dishes. Even if good hosts insist that their guests don? need to bother helping in the kitchen, do the gardening or hang dry the washed clothes, offering your help is deemed as courteous and generous as well. Even if you think your host is going to  treat you like royalty, don? just lie back and do nothing. Being a good house guest means that you are part of his home and enjoy the ways of keeping his home running like your own without imposing your own ways. Don? be a lazy visitor. Always offer to help even if your host doesn? want you to. The gesture is honorable.

?	Don? use appliances and gadgets without first consulting your host. The last thing you want as a house guest is to burn his house down or break his appliances or furniture. Not all houses have same plugs, switches and appliances. If you are careless with the property of your host, you?l end being a nuisance instead and never get an invitation again.

?	Do not enter rooms that are off-limits to you. Your host will assign a room for you and will show you around just to show you how welcome you are. But do not abuse the privacy of his quarters just because he gave you a tour. Don? open cabinets and drawers either because you didn? come for a vacation to look into his stuff. Nor were you ever licensed to wear his clothes, drive his car, watch TV until dawn unless he offers.

?	Bring a gift when you go for a visit. It doesn? have to be anything expensive. It can be anything that will bring laughter, a smile or delight to your host. It breaks the ice, for starters. It brings goodwill for an invitation that can last a lifetime.

?	If you?e going to go home late, make sure you let your host know. If he doesn? leave you his house keys, make sure that you arrive during decent hours. You shouldn? cause your host to worry about your safety. Help him do his job of being a good host by not being a pain in the butt.

?	Don? even think of bringing anyone else he doesn? know unless you ask his permission first. Failing to do so is an insult to your host.
If you?e bringing a boyfriend or lover, tell your host that you?e bringing your boyfriend or lover. Some hosts do not like idea of having hanky-panky happening under their roof, so if you?e going to have a vacation with a significant other, make sure both of you behave in the home of your host.

?	Before your visit, ask your host the questions you want to ask. While you are generally free to visit his city, asking him basic questions on the nearest drug store, shop or other tourist spots will be helpful. But do not expect him to give you a tour of the city because he might be busy. Just call up your travel agent and have a tour guide pick you up.

?	If you have qualms about using his bathroom, you may have to bear through it all. Just leave it clean because comfort rooms in most homes are generally clean. But if your host has kids and they mess the house around, it? best to keep away from their playground or territory at home.

?	You must enjoy the company of your host and get to know him better even if your host is your personal friend. Know the comfort zones of your host before you engage yourself with other members of his family. While getting acquainted with them builds a lasting relationship, know the limits by not prying into their private lives. And if any of them seeks your counsel, keep this in confidence because information is entrusted to you.

?	If you?e to sit in the living room, don? sit like a teen-ager. Don? put your feet up on the table or throw trash on the floor. Even if you?e very comfortable with your host because you?e old time buddies, being a good house guest means that you stay that way. Other members of his family may not approve of guests who feel too ?t home?so you must respect their boundaries as well. For all you know, your host has other members who live under the same roof. You? have to follow their rules, too, because he follows them as well. Don? change the house rules just because you?e a house guest.

?	If you feel that your freedom is being stifled -  it? best to talk this out with your host and tell him that you? be more comfortable in a hotel. However, doing this may jeopardize your relationship with your host. You? have to find ways to enjoy your vacation by working around the rules without breaking them. A good host, however, does not impose many rules on his house guest, in general. You? just have to have common sense to make sure that you treat his home like it were yours.

"Who's Stella McCartney?"

What's a daughter of a famous ex-Beatle doing in the fashion world?

Born to in 1972 to Sir Paul and Linda McCartney, Stella was thrust into the real world unlike most children of celebrities. She learned to rely on the love and security of her famous parents without nannies and bodyguards hovering over welfare.

Educated at the local state school in East Sussex, Stella even washed dishes in a local restaurant to earn money to buy the clothes she wanted.

It was at London? Central St. Martins College of Art & Design when she was bullied.. Scrabble letters used in a display for her college show were rearranged to read ?addy? Girl?

But she became an overnight success when her graduation show featured her friends,  Naomi Campbell and Kate Moss modeling her clothes on the catwalk. This was attended was attended by her super-famous  parents.

The student show also hogged the front page news and the entire collection was snapped up by London boutique Tokio. In the same year, McCartney launched her label. Her designs were soon being worn by celebrities such as Patsy Kensit, Meg Mathews,  and Kate Moss.

But even at 15, she had already served a long apprenticeship in fashion when she worked with Christian Lacroix on his first couture collection. McCartney later spent several years learning her craft on Savile Row.

In March 1997, McCartney was appointed chief designer at the French couture house Chloe.

The Chloe top post was one of the most high profile posts in the industry when she succeeded Karl Lagerfeld. Many even thought that this was a publicity stunt by Chloe? owners, the Vendome group. But it was in Paris in October 1997 when she had her first collection for the house that showcased her admirable talent.

The famous Chloe collection by McCartney featured lacy petticoat skirts with fine tailoring was sensual and romantic. It was hailed a triumph. The catwalk circuit talked about her delicate camisoles and Nineties updates of the Seventies.

Chloe executives proved that McCartney? efforts had not only raised the house's profile, but had lifted its profits too. She knew what makes people tick as when she took the helm as the once ailing French company? sales were boosted with sales up fivefold since she took over.

When Stella moved over to the French capital to breathe some new life into Chloe  whose last two shows had been booed off the catwalk, out went the grey carpets and Eighties d?or in its Rue du Faubourg St Honore headquarters. The boho Notting Hill style became the Chloe style ?a feminine, floaty look which Stella? mother had loved in the Seventies and turned it into a Nineties version.

McCartney was also a staunch supporter for animal? rights when she beefed up her fight against the maltreatment of animals. During Fur Fashion Week, following a month later after the death of her mother who died of breast cancer in April 1998, she teamed up with PeTA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) to release a video championing animal rights.

She was said to have also turned down the offer of a position at rival house Gucci that woukd have required her to work with leather. So in April 2000, her contract with Chloe was renewed.

But the Gucci house did not give up. It wanted McCartney to develop her own label as a global luxury brand  a year later. The Chloe job was awarded to her right-hand woman, Phoebe Philo.

It was also reported in the same year in August that Stella had started dating Alasdhair Willis, the 31-year-old publisher of Wallpaper magazine known to friends as Mr.  Gucci, for his love of designer labels.

When Stella left Chloe in April 2001 for the Italian growing empire of Gucci,

she was given control not only over designs but materials as well. Though sources predicted she? take over from head designer Tom Ford, who is doing double duty at Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent, Stella is instead launching her own signature label.

McCartney's friends are also high profile celebrities. She was romantically linked with the likes of Lenny Kravitz in the past and her close friends include Kate Moss, Liv Tyler, and Madonna whose wedding dress she designed in 2000.

"Beauty Wonders from the Sea"

Did you know that one of the leading miracle plants on this planet
is not grown on soil but in the sea?

There? definitely no weed on seaweed. Now, the bountiful benefits of seaweed cannot be underestimated in this age and age when folks are looking for more natural food sources that aid in improving beauty and health.

Known by coastal cultures that include people from Japan, Korea, China, Iceland, Denmark, Wales, Scotland, Hawaii and the South Pacific Islands, seaweed? reputation as a nourishing  staple food in these cultures has not escape the notice of many dieticians and experts in the medical field.

Seaweed brings a myriad of benefits. How we take this wonderful plant for granted is such a waste!

Medical and dietician experts now agree on the superiority properties of seaweed. Containing a wide range of essential nutrients such as enzymes, nucleic acids, amino acids, minerals, trace elements, and A,B,C,D, E, and K vitamin complexes, seaweeds provide the perfect medium for electrical nerve flow.

For the faint at heart, seaweed is an ally. It strengthens circulation, lowers cholesterol, builds healthy blood, balances blood pressure, increases the veins and heart? contractile force, seaweeds also make hair glossier, skin more luminous, bring renewed energy and stamina as well as serve as an aphrodisiac for eager couples.

Most noteworthy to mention is seaweed? natural sodium content. While they  contain sodium, there is the misnotion on sodium chloride, on the other hand, often mistaking it for natural sodium found in seaweed. Sodium chloride heightens blood pressure like that of table salt, not sodium. Table salt also does contain sugar, aluminum salts and several other agents, including sodium chloride.

This kind of salt solution is the type that creates cardiovascular stress. However, sodium found in seaweed relieves tension in blood vessels as real evaporated seawater salt is usually pinkish in color. If it? white, it? the kind of agent you can? trust. Seaweeds are good for the heart and circulation and help those with atherosclerosis, hypertension, chilly extremities, varicosities and heart infections.

But that? not all. Including seaweed in your daily diet provides optimum nourishment for several systems of the human body such as the hormonal, lymphatic, urinary, and nervous systems.

It is known to repair tissue, build new cells and create hormones, sexuality and reaction to allergens for the hormonal system. Just when you think our hormones are losing steam, seaweed has actively perks up weak-performing hormones.

As a disease fighter, seaweeds also improve the response time and strength in the immune system as it reduces bacterial and viral infections and helps prolong youth and vitality. Quite daunting for this simple plant of the ocean, but true! Imagine how we treaded on it with our flippers nonchalantly. What a shame.

For urinary relief and ailments, people with problems such as cystitis, kidney weakness, gout diabetic ills and bladder weakness will find seaweed beneficial for their urinary system because of its seeming excess of potassium and sodium.

Then there? seaweed? superior properties that speak of the ocean? wealth for  providing a sense of well-being for our mind and souls. In order to maintain alertness, increase memory, reduce pain and provide a sense of buoyant bliss, seaweed in your diet helps nerve signals flow more smoothly and where brain chemicals are produces as needed. Seaweed provides mineral abundance for your nervous system for it to relax.

Aside from helping improve the urinary, immune, hormonal, lymphatic and nervous systems of our body, seaweed assists with the metabolism of lipids, and maintains a healthy balance of digestive yeasts and bacteria in the intestines.

It is also exceptional in healing gastric ulcers, duodenal ulcers, ulcerated colon, colitis, constipation, watery stools and other intestinal ills. This because of seaweed? bio-available nourishing properties, high algin content, mucilaginous fiber and rhythmical resonation.

Seaweed is still at it, bringing into its variety of benefits for women, too. Eaten daily, it is also beneficial for women with osteoporosis, breast cancer, mastitis, uterine cancer, irregular menstrual cycles, ovarian cancer, fibroids, ovarian cysts, infertility, fibro-cystic breast distress, pre-menstrual and menopausal problems like water retention, chills and hot flashes, fatigue, lack of lubrication, loss of calcium and general irritability.

Based on the Alguena Beauty Center, you can take the Seaweed Slimming Treatment that recommends one via a day for 20 days. All you need to do is dilute the vial in a liter of water to be consumed throughout the day. This treatment is a combination of seaweed and plant extract traditionally used during slimming programs. It helps eliminate toxins because it is rich in mineral salts and vitamins. The vials have draining and toning properties necessary for the balance of the body. However, it is not suitable for people on a salt-free diet or those suffering from kidney problems.

Another seaweed product that that helps skin achieve proper oil and moisture balance is Haiwaiian Seaweed Beauty Mask by Reviva Labs.. It? a cream application that helps skin become clear and discards pollution debris. Just apply in a medium heavy coat and leave on for 20-30 minutes. Remove with a warm wet face cloth.

The mask includes clays (kaolin & bentonite) that offers deep-cleansing properties. This unique mask helps bring more moisture and more vitality to skin with special ?ormalizing?qualities for combination skin to avoid congestion and breakouts for all skin types.

It is also available in Hawwaiian Seaplant extract. The ingredients are purified water, Hawaiian Seaweed Extract, Kaolin, Bentonite, Glycerin, Lubrajel, Wheat germ Oil, Polysorbate 20, Propylene Glycol, Essential Oil Fragrance, Mica, Chromium Oxide Greens, Methyl & Propyl Paraben and DiazUrea.

"The Short of Today's Shorts"

If there are long pants, most likely there are short pants. Pants that run short before they even reach our ankles. Or just below our knees. And then, there are short pants we call shorts. And that? what we?e talking about here.

While women are in the habit of wearing long pants, skirts or slacks, shorts also take up room in their list of wardrobe. Women don shorts for many reasons, among them most commonly known are shorts while at home.

Boxer shorts are casual shorts usually made of cotton or soft textile. Comfortable and loose, they are worn in most households throughout the day more than pajamas. If you?e about to spend the day at home, after that shower, you don? go walking around your house in your pajamas. Nor do you do your gardening in them. Boxer shorts come loose at the helm, making movement for legs of all shapes and sizes free to navigate for any kind of activity, strenuous or just plain bumming around.

Boxer shorts may have come around since boxers turned up at the boxing ring, but if there? any truth to the matter that wearing boxer shorts at home means that you?e a heavyweight ready to punch out your frustrations on a sibling, you?e just desecrated boxer shorts to the ring. But boxer shorts look sexy in men as they reveal more of  muscled thighs among well-built machos.

There are short shorts that come in handy in the privacy of your home. But there are women out there who have a great pair of legs to show and so they hop into the mall in short shorts. Unless you think you?e got ala-Marilyn Monroe? legs for show, dare wear short shorts; otherwise, you?e up for some stares that aren? bent to praise but to reproach. Would you risk some stares at those short shorts or your legs? When you?e about to wear them, you?e every intention of attracting pairs of eyes to your pair of legs. No wonder, they?e also known as bikini shorts.

Cargo shorts, on the other hand, are for the backpacking mountaineers or hikers. Many pockets on left and right, front and back. Those pockets do come in handy when you?e wearing cargo shorts. Store candy bars, a Swiss knife, a flashlight, your wallet, car keys or marbles, if you will, if your destination is the great outdoors.

Cargo shorts have tougher material that? enduring enough for the wear and tear that the load your pockets will carry. That? why it? called cargo shorts. It? shorts that are strong enough to contain cargo goods in those pockets. Button-holed, snaps or velcrows keep those pockets secure.  
Cargo shorts are not for the heavy weights. If you?e on the heavy side, avoid cargo shorts as the pockets will make you look bigger and that? not a nice sight to behold. If you?e going to go hiking and need to carry lots of goodies along the way, it? best to bring a belt bag instead of forcing yourself to wear these kinds of shorts.

Garter shorts are what hold your shorts to your waist line ?with garter. Hanging loose makes them feel very comfortable and cool, usually made of franella, they almost feel like pajamas.  Garter shorts are easy to wear and the print styles and clothe aren? limited. Most folks with big waists are comfortable with garter shorts as they come in many sizes, from small to extra large. The only setback to garter shorts is that in time, due to frequent washing, garter shorts are bound to not stay tight forever.

Safari shorts come in earth colors and are usually worn fashionably because of a rather tailored look to them, tucked in with belt reams that give you leeway to experiment with belts on shorts. They?e also popularly called kakhi shorts and come great with the classic sports shirts such as La Coste, Fila, Fred Perry and Adidas.  These shorts are for the fit body and well-sculptured legs. It? the GQ look that goes with these shorts, along with your latest shades and well-groomed hairstyle that fit the cut of this fashionable bottom wear. Zippers make up the tailored cut and is a favorite among men and women who come in their Timberland, Sperry or Cole Haan loafers.

Safari shorts project the image of a hunter in the wild jungles of Africa, but it? the catch of wild animals that? celebrated with champagne that gives hunters in Safari shorts the classic look it? known for.

String-pulled shorts hang loose and are great for wearing your trunks or bathing suit. It? the easy pull that allows you to get off them when you can no longer wait to plunge into the water. String pulled shorts are usually matched with a shirt and a polo hanging loose.

Cycling and legging shorts are for the physical buffs. They are body hugging and reveal the shape of your buttocks and hips. Usually made of polyester to make your body sweat, cycling and legging shorts usually come in strips of neon colors and black. They?e great with your signature athlete shoes when you not only want to go jogging, but when you?e taking aerobic or tae-boo classes.  Its flexible material fits all sizes but will reveal your shape like second skin. So if you?e rather heavy at the pouch, wear a loose shirt over them.

Hawaiian shorts are usually designed with flower prints. They?e usually for beach enthusiasts who love the sun. These shorts hang loosely from the thighs for legs that want to enjoy the feel of the sea breeze. Hawaiian shorts do symbolize the beaches of Hawaii and sit well with surfers and scuba divers as well. There is no body limit or legs that limit the wearer of  Hawaiian shorts.

The appa shorts are the latest in vogue. They?e usually over-sized and run to knee length and are matched with sandal slippers with socks. This is mostly donned by the MTV generation. It? not recommended for serious adults who want to make a fashion statement way past their age bracket.

And of course, there's the reliable jean shorts. If they?e not torn off from long jeans, the original Levi? kind, they?e custom-made as shorts. Jean shorts are as reliable as jeans themselves and endure long wear and tear more than any other pair of shorts.  But they?e mostly seen in folks who are out doing hard labor in the backyard. Jean shorts are flexible for all body types and legs and are appropriate for casual lifestyles.

"Useful Intuition"

Intuition is having the power or faculty of knowing things without conscious reasoning; it is also defined as quick and ready insight. 
 	
	Not too many people are gifted with supersensory perception. It is an inherent human ability that can be further developed. While it is possible for an individual to experience intuitive "flashes" through the  practice of certain methods and in highly energized emotional states, research by Weston Agor and others indicate that not everyone thinks intuitively. This does not mean that their intuitive potential can't be cultivated. It does suggest the absence of desire to assess one's intuitive ability may indicate a block to developing and using intuition successfully.

Exploration of one's self and beliefs regarding intuition can enhance a person's ability to become aware of blockages and distortions. Self-exploration is a never ending process since the individual is always changing. However, there are a number of means for identifying blocks to intuitive effectiveness, beginning with an exploration of one's self.

Nathaniel Branden has prepared two excellent books, ?o See What I Can See and Know What I Know?and ?f You Could  Hear What I Cannot Say? that present techniques for  self-exploration. The texts books are designed to facilitate the discovery  of insights resulting in improved self-esteem, and to allow the reader to  explore aspect of him or herself which have been disowned.

Low self-esteem and disownment of aspects of one's being can result in fears and desires being projected into a situation resulting in a distortion in one's intuition. For  example, not all emotions are intuition and being directed by one's feelings is hardly being intuitive. There are numerous types of "feelings". The key is to  explore the nature of one's feelings and not necessarily to react to them. Self-exploration may lead to the discovery that a feeling is based on something  that is an emotional response and totally unrelated to one's intuition.

One must also examine his or her beliefs regarding intuition. Branden's sentence completion technique is an excellent tool to begin this process. The technique  involves having an individual complete a sentence stem. Useful stems regarding  intuition are:

(1) If I followed my intuitions I would-, 
(2) Communicating my intuitions to others will-,
(3) I can remember using my intuition when-,
(4) Father gave me the belief(s) that intuition is-, and 
(5) I am becoming aware-.

There are any number of sentence stems that can be created regarding one's  beliefs about intuition. A person might also consider creating a list of stems  focusing on intuitive blocks. These stems could help in the determination of  whether an experience is a distortion or intuition.

Studies on four forms of intuition. 
Studies by Weston Agor and others indicate that intuition can take four forms  and indicate that one tends to experience a dominate form of intuition. For example, a person may experience the mental form and only  occasionally experience a "gut reaction." This does not necessarily mean the potential for experiencing other forms of intuition does not exit. It suggests that selected strategies need to be employed by an individual to enhance intuition. For example, mental intuition tends to be in the form of pictures. Richard Bander? book, ?sing Your Brain For A Change?presents a number of approaches for enhancing mental pictures and to facilitate the enhancement of mental  intuition.

Keep a journal. 
The journal approach requires an individual to collect data on his or her intuitive experiences for two to three months. Next, the data is sorted according to the four forms of intuition. The sorting should  result in a quantitative ranking of the forms of intuition a person experiences, to gain an understanding of the forms of intuition which need development. A person may discover that intellectual intuition is dominant and that he or she does not experience emotional intuition. This would suggest the need for that  individual to employ techniques to enhance other types of intuition.

Mental intuition. 
By its nature, mental intuition suggests the use of techniques designed to  enhance analytic, creative and visual thinking. Mental intuition tends to synthesize analytic, creative and visual thinking. An example is Albert  Einstein's thought experiments.

Techniques for enhancing analytic thinking include:
(1) learning to program a computer, 
(2) engage in structure planning  using management by objecctives,
 (3) study accounting, law, enginnering or economics or 
(4) serve as a judge for some type of contest

Visual thinking. 
Visual thinking can be enhanced through practicing  visualization techniques and employing the techniques presented in Richard  Bandler's book.

Creative thinking. 
Creative thinking is another aspect of mental intuition. Creativity is not  limited to famous scientists, artists and inventors.  Abraham Maslow's studies of creativity indicate creative people are found in all aspects of life. For  example, Maslow describes a poor woman who was very creative in performing  domestic and family tasks.

Studies suggest that creative people possess certain attributes, including, but not limited to: 
(1) fluency, 
(2) flexibility, 
(3) curiosity,
(4) openness to the subconscious,
(5) an ability to be in isolation and 
(6) an aesthetic orientation. 
These character traits can be developed by anyone. For example, a person might begin to take walks in the woods or take up new hobbies.

Physical intuition.
Physical intuition is associated with a sensation, a "felt" experience in the  body. Alexander Lowen? work, ?io-Energetics?, notes that many individuals  lack body awareness; that is, they have lost contact with certain parts of their body.

Physical intuition. 
Development of physical intuition requires activities that enhance the body and  improve body awareness. This can be achieved by mastering a sport. Michael Murphy and Rhea White in their work, ?he Psychic Side of Sports present

countless examples of mystical insights, ESP abilities and exceptional feats experienced while performing athletic activities. They also present a variety of  techniques for enhancing the unity of mind, body, emotion and spirit.

Emotional intuition. 
Emotional intuition can be improved through emotional awareness and expression.  The tendency in a rational society is to disown emotions. As pointed out by  Nathentiel Branden in his book, ?he Disowned Self? the disowning of emotions can  result in the loss of information and/or a lack of awareness when they are expressed. Emotions must be owned and understood. However, they should not  replace reasoning.

Strategies to enhance emotional intuition are directed toward improving a  person's ability to express and be aware of emotions. Examples include, but are not limited to; (1) share feelings with trusted friends, (2) engaging in some  type of therapy and (3) attend personal awareness training

Spiritual intuition. 
Spiritual intuition requires one to go beyond the self. Flashes of spiritual  intuition can be called peak or mystical experiences. Maslow's  studies of  individuals experiencing peak experiences indicated they were aware of being connected with humanity and all of nature. The individual focuses on the public or community good and is not narcissistic. In Viktor Frankel? book, ?an? Search For Meaning,?he presents his observation that certain people exhibited a saintly  nature in the Nazi concentration camps. Frankel says these individuals found meaning in their senseless situation by going beyond themselves and serving  others.

Additional strategies for enhancing spiritual intuition include:  
(1)	reading philosophy,
(2)	prayer, 
(3)	attending a religious or spiritual 
group, and 
(4) engaging in a Jungian or Existential therapy.

It is important to recognize that these strategies are not mutually exclusive.  For instance, bio-energetic therapy focuses on mental, physical and emotional  energies. This therapy also involves an examination of life's meaning. When used in conjunction with traditional intuitive techniques, it will enhance all four types of intuition.

Intuitive development requires mastership. The practice of any or all of these  techniques for a month or so may produce only minimal results. A person's commitment may begin to drop off and slowly reduce their level of activity. It is important to remember that our culture reinforces a "quick-fix " attitude. The path towards mastery calls for continuing performance, and the recognition that there will ups and downs. However, with commitment and love, mastership of this ability can be achieved.

A book by Rosemary Ellen Guiley, ?reakthrough Intuition: How to Achieve a Life of Abundance by Listening to the Voice Within?(Publisher: Berkley Pub Group)  reveals that we are all intuitive. And, whatever you call it -- gut instinct, a hunch,  or sixth sense -- we can all develop our intuition and use it in our  everyday lives.

Guiley book defines intuition, explains the different levels and varieties of intuition, and gives examples of how intuition affects our lives. Examples of ways to enhance your receptiveness to hearing that "still, small voice" within are also discussed. Her book includes listening to your intuition, from intuitive breathing to pendulum  dowsing, using dreams to get messages from your intuition and "seeing"  with your third eye in easy-to-follow directions.  According to Rosemary Ellen Guiley, these exercises will help you "get comfortable with expanding your unseen senses" and are "helpful for  improving your accuracy."

Guiley also offers a myriad of examples and more exercises for allowing those messages "hidden" in our subconscious to come to the surface. She gives ideas for problem solving, decision making, achieving goals,  improving creativity and health, among many others.

About the book's author, Rosemary Ellen Guiley, PhD is a best-selling author, presenter and teacher. She is president of Visionary Living, Inc., through  which she produces and markets self-help resources and presentations on the ?ornerstones of Well-Being.?She is an accomplished speaker and has written more than 20 books. Her work has been translated into 12 languages.

"How to Fight Positively"

There's no use being idealistic when it comes to relationships. Whether you?e with friends, a spouse, colleague or even a stranger, fighting is as normal as keeping the peace.

But when is fighting positive and when is it negative?

Christine Longmore, counselor and writer, explains, ?here do I draw the line between normal fighting and irreconcilable differences??
Much hullaballo has been written  about how to negotiate, how to argue and win or how to agree to disagree. But when you?e in the heat of the moment with your partner, it seems quite impossible to pick up tips from a self-help book and apply it when the situation gets too hot to handle with your partner.

Gerry Spence, author of ?ow to Argue and Win Every Time?suggests three basic skills we can learn to practice when we are drowning in heated exchange of words with our partners.

If you want to overcome anger, in your relationship, search for the hurt. 
How must one sit back and listen to angry words hurled at us? More often than not, we are shocked at the words that bite, criticize or ridicule. How can we ignore the spit of fire and still get out of it alive?

The difficulty with hearing angry words tossed at us is that we exchange fire with fire. It is normal to react in such a way because we are left vulnerable and our instinct tells us to defend ourselves. But no matter how eloquent we are, how elegant our blaze, our scorching our words to fight back angry words, no one comes out of the fire without getting burned. Sadly, more often than not, because we are driven by rage as well for angry words we don? deserve by others, we burn the bridges and there? nothing left but ashes of the mess we make with our angry partners.

We must learn to listen to angry words with more objectivity. It? not the harsh words, insults or adamant tone we must be in tune with. If we?e not ready to throw in the towel with an angry partner, we must remember that angry words are windows to their pain. Search for the hurt that hides behind angry words. Let a little space occur within you. Let the rage flow until it dwindles softly into resignation. Not that you want to become apathetic to your partner? anger; you want to become better equipped to listen to the hurt and pain that? actually there.

Angry words are the sounds of hurt. From that point of view, we can bear the brunt for awhile. ?iscover the pain, address it, then the anger fades,?as Spence puts it.

Cooling off time.
Longmore further notes that many times her husband has had to leave her alone for a few minutes to collect herself when their arguments went haywire. No matter how itchy we are about getting back or refuting our partners accusations, either party will have to let the other up until the anger tones down. It? no use riding against the wave of anger in heated arguments. Just coats along until both of you reach shore. Then both of you are more inclined to listen and not just talk.

If you want to feel loved and respected, give up control.
More than anything else, whether one partner is entirely wrong and the other is absolutely right, or whichever way, both parties have legitimate grievances on issues that affect their relationship.

But it? not really about who? right or who? wrong, is it? More than we care to admit it, we are guilty of making sure who? in control or who? boss.

When we aim to control our relationships by insisting that we are always right and will argue to death to prove that out point is more accurate than the other, we are only reacting from our fear of feeling inadequate and insecure.

Sam, 33, a hard-working and successful executive, was always splendid with his business decisions. His colleagues respect him for always knowing what words to say or how to defend crucial business decisions. But like many successful people, when it comes to personal relationships, they don? quite make it.
Being used to staying on top of things, many a time, successful people tend to confuse their roles at the workplace and at home. Like at an executive committee meeting, leaders tend to conduct their arguments with their spouses on children at the dining table like business.

Unless we give up our tendency to want to be in control, the ones we love will not respect us, but fear us. That? a huge difference. To build a loving environment at home, give up your throne. Teach others to wear their crowns. We may not like at first, but this is a very opportune time to hear out your loved one? express themselves without being defensive.  It? not about letting them off the hook and not being responsible for the actions you disapprove of. You can discuss that later. But the angry words speak of hurt and you must be more adept to catching it than they are because you are trained to look at things objectively.

Breaking old habits.
Longmore adds that it? difficult to put some strategies into play especially when we are upset or are feeling vulnerable. We often tend to protect ourselves with the same mechanism until it becomes a hard habit to break. Whether we like it or not, we do behave in the same way or say the same things. Doesn? ?hy do you always? ring a bell?

Starting off that way will never bring you  and your partner to a peaceful resolution. One will just as well assume her old defense mechanisms such that both of you end up jumping from the same old habits that will never see the light of day.

If you want to improve your communication with your partner, begin with yourself. Use a gentle tone, pick your words carefully, don? let both of you fall into the same trap. Little feats in big fights are made of these, not whose winning the argument or getting the bigger end of the stick. Who? want to end up using a stick, anyway, to wage war against a loved one?

When you?e not ready to give up just yet and see that your relationship is worth saving, follow these tips.

On the other hand, if you?e reached a point where your differences are irreconcilable, not matter how keenly you both are in being clear about each of you want, it? time to evaluate your relationship seriously. Is it worth saving? Can you still grow together if there are stark differences in your values and beliefs? Either way, whether you reach a stand-off or it? a realization that both of you need to jump ship, at least, you can let go of the hurt with more compassion and forgiveness, rather than separate with bitterness.

Learn to lose to make your relationship a winner. 
The road to fighting positively is not only getting what you want, but also giving your partner what he wants, too.

Spence explains that even if you win a fight, you actually lose because no partner realistically doesn? like not getting what he wants. 
Carol and Sonny disagree on many things, from how much to spend, where to go, what insurance plan to buy to what color to paint the house. Most of their energy is spent refuting the other? opinion, usually bordering on sarcasm and ridicule that their disagreements over the most mundane of things have corroded the health of their relationship.

When simple agreements arise quite too often, we tend to put a tag on our partners and conclude that he or she is too difficult to handle. What actually needs handle is not your partner, but how you both can handle your disagreements.

Carol often claimed to her friends before she married Sonny that she always wanted a strong man who can handle her. From that assumption alone, there is already a preset on who ought to win. She expected Sonny to let her be make her decisions, whether right or wrong, without considering where to place  Sonny? decisions on the same issues of conflict with much significance.

Working on a relationship with under these conditions will hardly get the relationship from going to a higher level of understanding. If one of you insists on black, while the other insists on white, the only logical ground for both of you to proceed is to agree on a variety of grays.

Why waste so much energy on just two colors?

The world is abundant with an array of colors to choose from. Much like how many of how choices are made available to us, if only mature couples agree on several choices other than either of theirs.

Beyond bipolar decisions. 
Agreeing to disagree isn? enough. What you need, according to Spense, is opening more options until both partners are satisfied.  When that is tackled at the initial stage, other problem areas will fall into place slowly with the solutions both of you provide each other until you come to your separate, individual choices and are ready to take the problem to a higher level.

For every choice you and your partner need to make together, by taking from the language of compasses, for instance, remember there? not only North and South to argue about. There? East and West, Northeast, Southwest and a whole gamut of other degrees to the left and right, center, vertical or horizontal to choose from.

If both of you only insist on North or South, your relationship will stay stuck, no doubt. And that? not a good place to be happy in. Who wants to argue about that?

"Mind Your Manners at the Table"

When dining in a formal occasion, the ways of the cultured do not bank solely on how much art, business, fashion or worldly pursuits you know. The other half of surviving a formal dinner without starving yourself through all the discussions at the table have a lot to do with table etiquette. Good manners speak of good breeding. Share in the company of those who want to enjoy the feast before them like decent humans and not like hungry animals is a welcome sight for the host and her guests.

So which one are you? An deprived ingrate, ignorant about good manners? Or are you a graceful guest who samples the flavors of conversation and cuisine with elegance?

If you are clueless on how to have good manners for such rare occasions like a formal dinner, you might as well read up and get educated.

Guests in a formal dinner are either acquainted with each other, have met only for the first time or come from the same industry you?e in.

Engage in the conversation at the table by helping others shine. 
If there? a bore droning on, steer the topic to other topics politely for others to catch up and join in. Avoid topics that might cause arguments or offend someone. A self-centered guest usually gets carried  away by running the conversation on his own. A good guest will quickly enjoin others by talking about common interests.

When you sit down, your napkin must be on your lap. 
If you need to get up, the napkin should be placed directly to the left of your dinner plate and not on your chair.

An awful sight to see is a pile of excessive food on a plate. 
With you in your formal attire for the evening, how horrendous it is to dress up so elegantly if only to binge like a pig.  Avoid overeating. If you wish to enjoy another serving, wait for the waiter or host to ask you. Formal dinners aren? like your usual dinners at the restaurant. Food is served to you in several stages. Don? underestimate formal dinners. In most cases, your appetite may be full even before you reach the main course.

Compliments are meant to praise. And when you wish to praise the cuisine, do it in a subtle way. 
Overblown compliments give away your true intentions: That you intend to hoard on expensive dinner your host has invited you to partake. Even if it? most likely that you hardly get the chance to sample caviar, juicy steaks, fresh salmon, oysters with Rockefeller sauce or steamed crabs, don? be overzealous in your delight. Your host took great care in preparing this for you, but you are not his only guest. Accept the fact that you?e the only one privileged to be part of a fine occasion. Formal dinners are organized for a more meaningful reason and certainly, it isn? about you. Your presence only honors the occasion with grace. Don? be a disgrace with your praise.

Wine glass is a symbol of  luxury as they speak of an affluence of the host who toasts to noble celebrations. 
And it is the wine, aged with care and excellence that matches the standards of such an evening. So be careful with the wine glass. It? not a beer mug; it? not a cup of coffee. Hold it by the stem, like a flower; not the rim. Do not leave fingerprints or lip-prints on it. If you do, discreetly remove them with your napkin. Drinking wine is one of the highlights of formal dining. Don? ruin it with your bar-hopping habits. Save that for next Friday with the boys.

And never play with your silverware.

Knowing how to begin can be tricky. 
For smaller dinners, do not start eating until everyone has been served and the hostess has begun. Sometimes she urges the guests to go ahead. But for safety, wait for two persons to start before you do. It is recommended that you wait for them to go ahead rather than find yourself the only one eating. 
 
Proper posture.
You must sit up straight with your arms near your body. Never place your elbows on the table. You may lean forward every now and then, but slightly and then press your elbows lightly on the edge of the table. Most of all, don? let your chin rest on your hands with your elbows on the table. That? a real eyesore.

Eating Soup 
Move your spoon away from your body after dipping it into your soup, then sip. Don? slurp! Most folks make the mistake of scooping the spoon toward himself that he is going to slosh soup on his lap. What a mess. And that? just the soup!

Passing the Salt and/or pepper, please.
Pick up the salt and/or the pepper and place them on the table where the person next to you can reach it. He, in turn must do the same to next and to the next until they reach the person who requested for them. They are not passed hand-to-hand. This is not rugby football.

Removing inedible food from your mouth. 
It is said that the general rule for this is that removing food from your mouth should go out the same way it went in, except when eating fish. If you used a fork and discovered bone in chicken, it should be returned to your plate the fork. If you used a spoon to pick up a fatty piece of meat that you can? chew, you must not force yourself to chew away or bring yourself to swallow it; lest you choke. Return it to your plate using your spoon. 
 
What utensil to use.
Etiquette manuals keep saying that using the outermost utensil or utensils, as necessary, one set for each course, won? let go wrong. As each course is finished, the silverware will be removed with the dish, leaving you with a clean slate, all ready for the next item to arrive.

The service plate.
No one eats from this plate. It? actually an extra plate that must not be removed when the first course arrives or the dish will be set on top of it. With the service plate available, it only means that you are going to dine on oysters as appetizer. 
 
Coffee and tea.
When either of these are served, a teaspoon will be give upon arrival. You need not worry about which utensils to use as they already have been put away at each of the stages of the courses served. Coffee and tea are served on the saucer so you need not bother yourself with carrying a cup and worrying about spilling. You must hold the handle with your right hand and the saucer beneath with your left hand and close to the cup. In case your fingers slip through the handle,  the saucer must protect you from having coffee or tea drip on your lap. And hot at that!

Holding a Utensil 
Balancing a spoon or fork is by holding them horizontally, the first knuckle of the middle finger and the tip of the index finger,  while the thumb steadies the handle. The knife is used with the tip of the index finger gently pressing out over the top of the blade to guide as you cut.

At the end of a course.
A utensil must not be left in any dish that is not flat like the soup bowl, a teacup or a parfait glass. All these items are usually presented with a plate underneath the bowl or cup, on which the utensil must be placed after use.

Don't push your plate away when you're done eating. Let your host or waiter clear your dishes.

"Ugh for Varicose Veins"
 
Susan, 37, a pharmacist who works in a busy drug store felt a throb and itch in her left leg. For years, she enjoyed her job attending to customers who sent in their prescriptions over the counter. She worked eight a hours a day, standing behind the counter. One morning, she noticed that her left leg had an ugly vein protruding behind her calf. She suspected that her legs could no longer take the pressure of standing for long hours. Varicose veins were forming.  
 
A varicose vein is a twisted, swelled up and bulging vessel; it is large enough to be seen on the inside of the legs and back of the calf and on the surface.

Varicose veins happen because the blood flow is too slow, making the vein pile up with blood or the valve in the vein isn? working well. This makes the blood falls down because of gravity and piles up in the veins of the legs.

Nearly 15% of adults have varicose veins and are more likely to happen in women than in men. They occur more in the legs because the legs have deep veins which carry about ninety percent of the blood; and there are surface veins which are visible underneath the skin and are less well supported.

So once blood passes through the tissues in the leg, it is pumped upwards through the leg into the abdomen and back to the heart. As the pumping occurs to bring up blood, the valves in the veins prevent the blood from flowing back to the leg. If the valves are defective, a pooling of blood and the backflow of blood down the leg causes the formation of superficial veins that become swollen and distorted. Thus, varicose veins are born.

Obesity and hormonal changes during pregnancy also contribute to the formation of varicose veins.

The incidence of  varicose veins also increases with age and may approach 50% of people older than 50 years. Women are more affected than men as the increase weight of a pregnant uterus may compress the iliac veins and cause and increased backpressure in the veins. Heredity also plays a role in the formation of varicose veins and may be the most risky of all. Surgery also near the hips can bring vein problems, including congestive heart failure and thrombus obstruction.

For preventive measures, standing erect can increase the pressure in the veins many times over than lying down. People in occupations that require them to stand are at high risk. Obesity increases intra-abdominal pressure impeding blood flow in the veins themselves.

Varicose veins make leg veins blue, swollen and twisted. Most people feel a severe pain in the affected area, with swelling and a persistent itch. If the blood in the affected veins forms severe pooling, the tissues don? get enough blood and nutrients, the skin becomes thin, hard, dry and discolored and ulcers can occur. For some relief, sit down with legs raised. Contact with the vein must be limited as bumping can cause severe bleeding.

Elevate your legs while sitting as the goal is to improve blood flow back to the heart. Exercise by walking daily and wearing elastic stockings help support the dilated veins. Avoid excessive standing, too. 
 
For treatment of varicose veins, according to the Boston University Medical Center, sclerotherapy treats spider veins or small varicose veins. An irritant chemical is injected into the veins, causing them to scar and seal off. This is an in-office procedure that detours the blood to nearby healthier veins.

You will be sent home by your physician with an elastic stocking around the treated leg to help reduce possible bruising and bleeding. The risks of this procedure may be brown spots at the injection site that may clot in superficial veins as a reaction to the injected irritant formation of new spider veins.

Stripping is a hospital procedure that requires anesthesia. This procedure is used to remove larger varicose veins, are tied off or the entire vein can be removed. The legs are bandaged after surgery. However, swelling may last 6-8 weeks. The risks involve bruising and bleeding of new varicose veins. 
 
	
 	There was a group of German medical specialists and scientists who discovered a breakthrough organic extract in the lungs of calves. This discovery  significantly hastens the healing process of the skin without disrupting its normal

functions. The compound called MPS or Mucopolysaccharide Polysulfate creates a difference in anti-clotting and the treatment of cuts and scars, bruises, skin inflammations, swelling and vein disorders. MPS is a non-irritating, non-toxic substance similar to the human body? MPS. It is available worldwide as Hirudoid.

By experimenting on several skin tissue samples, Dr. Heinz Elling of Munich discovered that Hirudoid reaches the skin? subcutis layer. By rubbing and massaging, Hirudoid penetrates skin that could only be achieved by other medications through injection.

In a separate study, Dr. Wolfram Raake confirmed this finding and noted that Hirudoid is fully absorbed by the skin. The  benefits bring the following: anti-inflammatory, anti-swelling, anti-blood clotting and the regeneration of tissues. Tests on dozens of patients showed that with Hirudoid, ?ein disorders recede, tissues become relaxed, the local blood flow is increased, and the metabolism of connective tissue is improved, ?according to Dr. A. Florian. For effective results, massage 3-5 cm. Ribbon of Hirudoid until fully absorbed by the skin. Apply Hirudoid 3x a day until swelling is fully healed.

"Avoiding Your Boyfriend's Pals' Intrusion in Your Relationship"

How many stories from Hollywood, novels, our friends, colleagues and even among strangers do we know that tell of ruined relationships because of outsiders?

Even in the history of  developed nations, politics was highly political and it involved the bickering and over-involvement of opposition parties, neighboring countries, world organizations and even covert syndicates to shape a great nation? destiny. It is also an understatement to consider the same line of thought among the many colonies in the world, whether from the far past or in current  world events.

So if this is the nature of Man, that in every aspect, from our heritage as a nation to the personal confines of our intimate relationships, we cannot escape that fact that somehow and somewhere at some point, there will always be outsiders who may unwittingly or intentionally ruin destinies of a flourishing new democracy or a budding relationship with our significant other.

If we cannot control world leaders for trampling or stifling new nations to prosper more independently without some form of trade sanctions or rewards in return, how then must we, as individuals, expect to keep outsiders away from our relationships?

Worse of all, how can our man avoid being influenced by his pals on  how the both of you must run your relationship?

If there? more than 2 in a love relationship, it can be in trouble. 
If you?e in a state of flux on this matter, you have every reason to be.  While it is always best to assume that every decision you and your boyfriend make about issues in your relationship are best handled in the privacy of your own space, you cannot escape the fact that if  your guy is a wimp, your relationship is bound to be the  victim.  If that? the likely scenario, the first pawn to fall would be you. 
 
If you allow it. So how can you not allow it?

Talk begets talk.
While women may be guilty of being squealers and rumor-mongers especially among  their own flock, men are also said to be just as notorious. All it takes is some rounds of beer with the boys and you?e got your private life with your guy up for analysis by his allies.

True, your guy? buddies have known him longer than you have. They?e blood brothers through thick and thin and here you are, a newcomer hovering in his turf. So you?e spent sleepless nights wondering if your guy? accusations of you  were a product of those drinking sprees or someone in his circle who doesn? like you is bound to rid of you.

Like any old man? tale that remains a tale, useless talk about relationships between peers will always be a waste of time for couples who are favorite topics of the day.

If you?e the kind of girl who easily gets affected by talk and pounces on your guy to get to the bottom of things, you?e bound to force him to listen to all that talk if you talk too much about it. You both will never hear the end of it; that? for sure.

You see, talk begets talk -- not just among strangers or even friends who claim they mean well towards you and your man, but even among couples themselves who preoccupy themselves with what others say about their relationship or about either of them.

When this is so, your relationship will no longer be about you two, it will also be about them. So who? sharing your bed now with your boyfriend? Your pals or his pals?

The idea is quite taboo. So nip it at the bud. Stop talking about what others say about you or your guy. And stop bringing it up with your partner. You?e got other more interesting things to talk about.

However, if your boyfriend tends to believe in what his pals say or makes decisions that favor his friends over your say of where your relationship should go, what do you do?

If the problem is about time with whom.
If your relationship centers around the matter of whether or not to play billiards with his pals rather than you both see a movie together, then you?e got a time/intimacy problem. If you think that you?e spending less private time with him while he? rather you both be with his pals playing billiards, you? have to get out of that trap.

Nowhere in your entire life have you had to pattern your life after the schedules of others. Your parents gave you lots of freedom to make your own decisions. Your teachers encouraged you to go after your dreams. Your boss provided you with enough opportunities to get ahead. But when it comes to your love life, you?e a sucker! Now isn? that a shame?

If you think your man is being unfair to your relationship, you can either play sucker, become an expert at billiards and drinking sprees with his pals, or you can quietly slip into your own private time by yourself and manage without him as you always have before you met Mr. Popular.

Apparently, you?e got a boyfriend who hasn? gotten over his teen-age years yet while you are reaching the peak of your adulthood with more self assurance and fulfillment. Who would you rather be with, anyway? Mr. Popular or yourself? For awhile, the new attention will rub off on you, too, because you?e his girl. But sooner or later, you?l get sick and tired of it. That? a guarantee. Remember, while you enjoy the perks of his wild crowd applauding for him, you? have to know your boundaries as well. Your world doesn? revolve around Mr. Popular. No way.

If the problem is about the credibility of your relationship with your boyfriend. 
When there? no doubt that your boyfriend is beginning to believe that your relationship is no longer as hot as it used to be because his pals tell him so, you can either turn it into your challenge as a couple or you can simply let him believe that your relationship isn? worth  standing up for.

Of course, leaving things in the hands of outsiders is painful and insulting. There will come a point when you? have to clarify things with your boyfriend. Give it a fighting chance. Do that.

But know when to stop because it? not worth fighting for.

It would unrealistic of you to just bring down the curtains especially when your relationship had more good times over the bad. Whether you or your guy like it or not, one of you would have to confront your relationship problems, no matter how unpleasant. Do it in the privacy of your own favorite dating spot. Never discuss things in his friend? house or his house for that matter. Find a place where you?e had the most times with him alone.

It? the kind of territorial space both of you need to wage war against elements that threaten your relationship.

When you get into the heart of things, find out what? bugging him. Have his feelings changed? For what reasons? Does he want out?

Don? get him on the defensive. Be gentle to get to the truth. 
Now don? get him defensive first if you highly suspect there? someone else. Work your way around it. In the end, you?l know. Play it cool. Men tend to skirt around the issue if there? someone new other than you. Toss the question when you?e got him blurting out on what he thinks about your relationship. Respond gently and say your piece. Then, drop the bomb question and expect it to explode in his face. You can have the upper-hand in getting to the truth if you play it cool. Confront things gently. Then, be ready to leave with the last word when you let him know that you know.

When that happens, he? not worth your time. Celebrate your dignity and freedom. It? time to get out of the snake pit!

Know what worth is his salt by looking at how he deals with his pals
Peer pressure is learned from our parents. Growing up, we were either encouraged to state our perspective on issues, spoon-fed on how to think and make decisions or were muted by the lack of freedom to speak out.

We can know if our parents did a good job in training us to deal with peer pressure if in our adult life, we are not very affected by disagreements or differences in opinion by others with ours.

Liisa Hawes, marriage and family therapist in Calgary, Canada and parent educator at the Calgary Community Learning Association, suggests that ?he occasional letdown from  others doesn? disturb us overly much. The balance of our experience is positive.?
She further adds, ?hen we honor our children with the same respect as we hope their peers will extend to them, we teach them to be satisfied with no less. Children who develop healthy, confident ?olid selves?will seldom experience peer influences as pressure.?
So take a look at how your pal feels empowered if you encourage him to make an opinion and respect it, anyway. If he? getting more acceptance on that with his pals more than from you, you can either learn to disagree with him or beg off to live according to your standards.

It? your choice.

Never be pressured by your boyfriend? peer pressure, too. 
You, too, must not allow others, even your boyfriend, to pressure you into changing your beliefs if you feel you honor yours more. You can honor his as well, but wouldn? have to be swayed into his mode either. And if honor does not extend beyond practice in your relationship, it? time to evaluate the values you want in your relationship. If those values cannot be found there, you can always leave the relationship with your values intact and your self respect, solid as a rock.

The common folly among love relationships when a third party influences the other is that one will give in to his partner? peers. She, too, has fallen victim to negative peer pressure. When such a time occurs, step back and relax. Your parents taught you well.

You?l know who he is by the company he keeps.
There? one important cue to catch when you?e in this kind of situation. If he is influenced by peer pressure and if pals persist in running your relationship, it? time to know what values are important and who will make that stand. You will.

No friend in his best element will interfere in your boyfriend? love relationship with you. He will respect his buddy? privacy.

If your boyfriends have friends who don?, you can? expect him to stand up for you as well. That? a resounding fact. Don? wait for  future troublesome situations to prove how true that is. It? a waste of your precious time.

You can stand on your own two feet. With or without his pals. Better yet, with or without him. Atta girl!

?raceful Gracia Burnham?
Wichita's Central Christian Church was filled almost to capacity Friday, as friends, family, and the local community gathered for funeral services of slain American missionary Martin Burnham.

The couple, who worked for a US evangelical group, had been held by the Abu Sayyaf Muslim rebels for more than a year along with Filipino nurse Ediborah Yap, who was also killed, along with four Abu Sayyaf rebels during the rescue. The Burnhams were snatched from Dos Palmas, a resort in Palawan, when they were celebrating their 18th wedding anniversary.

Present for the service were US Senator Bob Dole and Congressman Todd Tiahart as well as both the US ambassador to the Philippines, and the Filipino ambassador to the United States, plus friends and family.

Burnham, 42, and his widow Gracia, 43, both Christian missionaries, were abducted by Muslim rebel force Abu Sayyaf while vacationing on the western island resort of Dos Palmas to celebrate their 18th wedding anniversary. 
 
Gracia Burnham, confined to a wheelchair due to a leg injury suffered during the military rescue attempt on the Zamboanga peninsular was upbeat during the service.

After showing a video chronicle of Burnham's life, from birth, through flight school, to overseas missionary work, pastor friends and classmates of Burnham detailed the life of the crop-duster pilot turned messenger for Christ.

New Tribes Mission chairman Oli Jacobsen, field director with the Burnhams in the Philippines, said Burnham was a good friend as well as pilot for missionaries.

"We thank God Gracia was spared, and is able to be in our midst," Jacobsen said. "And at the same time we mourn the loss of Martin" who also leaves three children. "He was not only one of the best pilots in the New Tribes Mission, but one of the best test pilots as well. He was of great expertise and professionalism, but of great humility and sacrifice as he was willing to move from place to place to help others," the mission leader added.

A private burial was held later at Friends Cemetery in Rose Hill.

In a gathering at a Kansas church last Sunday, Burnham's uncle Ralph Burnham said he had hoped through his missionary work to do good.

"He was willing to go," Burnham told the congregation, his voice breaking. "He loved the Lord."

Said Pastor Robert Varner at the same service: "He was faithfully doing God's will to the very end."

The congregation sang several joyful hymns to celebrate Burnham's life. Burnham's brother Doug also took part in the service at the church where the Burnham family has worshipped since it was founded in the early 1950s.

At the conclusion of Sunday's service, Doug Burnham expressed the hope that the Abu Sayyaf kidnappers would be brought to justice.

Martin Burnham died June 7, more than a year after the couple was kidnapped by Abu Sayyaf guerrillas in the Philippines.

Gracia Burnham, 43, her family, and New Tribes Mission cannot help but continue to thank the many people who stood with us during this past year. It was the prayers of the saints that kept Martin and Gracia going during their captivity, and it is going to be the prayers of the saints that sustain Gracia and her family in the difficult days ahead. The funeral was a key part of the healing process, but the future holds many trials.

Gracia also appreciates the donations made for her and her family, but desires for any memorial fund to truly be a memorial for Martin. She is asking that contributions to the Martin Burnham Memorial Fund be used to purchase an aircraft for mission aviation.

The Abu Sayyaf guerrillas, whom the United States has linked to the al Qaeda network of Saudi-born dissident Osama bin Laden, is now being aggressively hunted down as the year-long hostage crisis ended last June 7, 2002. However, to date, reports say that the group has abducted a new set of hostages, mainly 4 Indonesians aboard a coal ship.

Meanwhile, U.S. Special Forces are training Filipinos to fight the group

Gracia, who was once seen in a video in November 2001  during their abduction, was seen sitting next to her husband. She did not speak on the video but at one point rolled her eyes as her husband read the statement. She also appeared to be wearing the same dark blue T-shirt shown in the November video but also looked less haggard.

She did not have the Muslim scarf she had worn in the November footage. Some of those familiar with Abu Sayyaf behavior say the hostages come under increasing pressure to wear the veil the longer they are held captive.

During the crisis, Gracia Burnham's sister, Mary Jones, said they were clearly suffering.

"I'd like to see the United States get more involved in assisting the Philippines in getting my sister out," Jones said on CBS News' "The Early Show."

"Six months is a terribly long time for them to be in this condition and anyone that sees the video can clearly see that they are suffering; that they are in terrible condition. If you know my sister and brother-in-law, you can barely even recognize them. It's very sad. We would like to see more done and we want them out soon."

The couple from Wichita, Kan., were interviewed Sunday while in captivity on the southern island of Basilan, according to freelance journalist Arlene de la Cruz, and a video of the interview aired on Philippine television.

While Gracia Burnham voiced fear of dying in captivity and spoke of chest pains, her husband spoke of his determination to return home with her.

But since Philippine troops spotted them in their hiding place in Zamboanga, reports say that it seemed that a trail of jackfruit left-overs gave them an idea of the hostaged group. When they confimed this possibility, the troops exchanged fire with the bandits. Martin Burnham was said to have shielded Gracia in the crossfire and consequently died instantly. Gracia? right thigh was grazed by a bullet. Ediborah Yap, a Filipino nurse, was killed in the fire, too.

When it was all over, Gracia had to be flown to a hospital and declared out of danger in a short time. Faced with the press when they asked her how she felt about losing her husband, Gracia? obvious loss seemed private, as her voice shivered at the mention of his name. But her face was full of tranquility, as she did not focus on the death of her husband, but turned to the children of Ediborah Yap, whom she felt that they had lost a mother and with whom she was acquainted with during their capture.

Despite the loss of her husband and the 17 years the Burnhams spent as missionaries in a Third World country, Gracia rejoined her family in the US but left left with gracious words. She thanked the ?ilitary men, the Filipinos and the Americans who risked and even gave their lives in order to rescue us. May God bless these men in their ongoing efforts. ?
	Quite remarkable was Gracia Burnham? grace, that after she was rescued, being the lone surviving hostage, she wanted to see Ediborah? children immediately. She told them, ?f you have the courage of your mother, you will go a long way.?
	She also avoided reference to how her husband died, as public speculation came as no surprise that Martin? death was a failed rescue by the Philippine troops, despite the presence of American forces training them here. She maintained a cheerful and upbeat stance but her voice cracked when she read her statement. But even though, she had braced through the press interviews with inner strength that was clearly evident in television and the papers. Under the circumstances, Gracia? handling was extraordinary.

Scott Ross, spokesperson for the Florida-based organization that sponsored the Burnhams and other missionaries around the world told Reuters in the United States, ?racia Burnham is very upbeat, she really believes that God is in control, and that for whatever reason, it was meant to be.?
	Her sister, Mary Jones said, in an interview on Manila television, ?ghe thought she lay there for about 20 minutes. She said that after that 20 minutes, her husband, Martin became very heavy. She said it was very peaceful and she was glad that she was able to be with him when it happened.?
	Gracia? husband shielded her when he was shot, saving her from further bullet fire in the gun battle.

Her parting words were, ?art of my heart will always stay with the Filipino people.?

?our Skin on Rainy Days?
Rainy days leave our skin damp and sticky, often times for getting soaked in the rain while waiting for a cab or before the rains pours, when the weather is humid. Our skin also gets affected when people are cramped in a bus after seeking shelter from the rain. It turns oily or our make-up feels sticky as carbon dioxide amasses in crowded places.

Our skin is very sensitive to climate changes. Just as we sweat when it? summer, our skins reacts as well when the monsoon rains come. It can turn dry or oily, chip or gather bacteria. To have healthy skin during the rainy season, here are the following tips:

Drink a lot of water. 
As a necessary component of all the natural processes that occur in our body, water is very important.  Drinking water not only hydrates your  insides but it hydrates your skin as well. It is also one of the best "diets" for weight loss. At least eight 8 oz. glasses per day are required.

Stay out of the sun. 
Rain comes before or after sunshine. So it? important to always bring along a sunscreen especially when you live in a tropical country. The ultraviolet rays of the sun are very damaging to your skin. Be careful of the reflected rays from water, sand or snow even if you are in the shade. A moisturizer or foundation containing sunscreen is highly recommended for daily use.

Get plenty of rest. 
Beauty sleep is not a myth. Proper rest is very important to your overall health and the health of your skin. In general, seven to eight hours is needed. Less than or more than that leaves your body tired  and slow in movement. Taking short naps is also important during the day. For busy executives, 15 minutes is a power naps that will re-energize you. If you lack sleep, smoke or drink caffeine, this  will also affect your skin. Smoking makes skin below your eyes dark as oxygen is able to reach think vessels. Caffeine also tends to block vessels as they accumulate and stick to the walls. So avoid, if not limit your intake.

Eat Healthy Food. 
Rather than processed food, simple foods are good for you in a lot of ways. They provide essential nutrients; vitamins, minerals and fiber, and are often lower in calories. There are beans, rice, vegetables, yogurt, lean meats and many more that provide the nutrition your body needs. Cook with olive oil. Use onions, garlic and other high-mineral foods. Many herbs and spices, besides seasoning your supper, also contain beneficial substances.

If your body is healthy, so is your skin. So be conscious of what you eat. Not only will the kind and amount of food you eat show in your body figure; it will show on your skin as well. For the rainy days, try fruits that grow during the season. Citric fruits provide lots of vitamin C that are good for your skin.

Exercise regularly.
Built-up toxins gather in our body, including the toxins that stress provides. In order to rid of toxins, exercise stimulates your entire system. You don't have to buy a treadmill or join a gym unless you like that kind of thing. Get your blood moving by doing some regular activity such as gardening, playing golf, hiking in the woods. This is a step in the right direction. Park your car a few blocks away from work. There is no doubt that regular activity will begin to make you feel and look better. And when you feel better, so does your skin.

Getting accustomed to walking. You may even begin to look forward to it! You could take up a sport. Any good cardiovascular workout not only gets your blood moving; it can also improve your strength and hand/eye coordination.

Before you exercise, makes sure you stretch first. This allows oxygen to reach your body gradually rather than jolt it with sudden, strenuous movement. Stretching exercises of all kinds are good for working and flexing your joints and muscles.  Do these anywhere; in the middle of your walk, in your living room or kitchen with a chair, even in bed. So get moving! Once you  are hooked on activity you may even have to break out that treadmill for rainy days! The climate mustn? stop you from doing your regular exercise.

Reduce stress. 
Research shows that stress is a contributing factor to many health problems. If  you are not healthy,  your skin is not going to look healthy. Take some time out just for you. A luxurious bath is a great stress reliever. You can do this even with

some nicely scented oil or salt. Relax with a good book, a cup of hot Earl Grey tea, watch the sun set, take a walk, or just sit and watch birds at a feeder outside your window. Relaxing provides ease for the mind and soul especially when you are stressed. It quiets your busy mind and is absorbed in your body.

It? easy to spot stressed out people by just looking at their skin. It? not smooth and velvety. It looks dry or oily and they look very well unkept. So if you want to have that glow on your skin, learn to relax your mind. Rainy days especially become stressful because it? harder to hail a cab when you?e in a hurry or the traffic jams become more horrendous as city streets become flooded. So even while waiting for a cab or if you?e stuck in a crowded place, put your mind at ease by thinking of positive things instead of worrying under the rain.

Be happy with yourself. 
Happiness is not a goal; it is a state of mind that minds the present. Therefore, you have to find happiness in what you are doing right now. Decide to be happy now. Moisturize morning and night. This ties in somewhat with the water tip. You drink water to hydrate your  body, you moisturize to hold that moisture in. Your skin is the largest organ you have. As such it is very vulnerable to moisture loss. Keep that water on the inside!

Do something for someone else. 
Philanthropy makes you feel good on the inside. What makes you more beautiful on the outside is helping people and getting involved instead of sticking to your circle of family, workplace and friends. Feel good to look good.

?top Putting It Off!?
Procastination is an unpleasant, inner dilemna that makes us pay for having to delay  things we need to do or accomplish and when we do delay, it makes things more unpleasant for us. Whether we admit it or not,  procastination catches us the minute we even begin to think about it. So why do we procastinate when we know there are no rewards for being so?

Cynthia, 28, an MBA student, had been so busy juggling her time at home as a young mother, as a booming brand manager and as a student, that writing her thesis was becoming more daunting a task to do by the day. She was worried that she would not be able to make the deadline.

On the other hand, her classmate and friend, Shiela, who is known to be more fancy-free with life seemed to get things in order that she didn? have to worry about meeting the deadline.

What? the difference?

Like many of us, Cynthia is driven by the fear of failure while Shiela, who is used to disappointment, had overcome her fear and started writing a page or two everyday.

Procastination is said to be an expression of our fear for failure. While we may want to be perfect or at least, be deemed as efficient in about almost everything we do, the paradox is, being imperfect, accepting it and improving our imperfections in small, daily efforts is actually helping us get ahead before procastination bogs us down.

So how do we stop putting things off?

Delay self-gratification.
Scott Peck, bestselling author of ?he Road Less Travelled? described being happy as a matter of discipline. That we ought to delay self-gratification and instead, get to the task of hurdling tedious and detailed chores and responsibilities first and foremost. If we are much too inclined to dilly-dally over the telephone, go shopping instead, watch TV or wait out till the evening before we can even begin to start working on a piece of job we need to do, certainly, the consequences of having to delay accomplishing what we ought to do is much more unpleasant. 
How can we expect to be happier if we waste our time making ourselves miserable? By delaying self-gratification, we become practical about solving things first then bask in the rewards of getting past them later. It takes a huge amount of discipline to discipline our worldly desires for the creature comforts in life. But we cannot enjoy them if we put them on top of our list of things to do.

It takes responsibility that we cannot deny, no matter how we skirt around it. We must realize that being happy takes responsibility by doing hard work first. It? the rewards for doing so that comes after that allows happiness to be sweeter than we perceive it to be than procastinating with our escape forms such as being somewhere else, doing something else, being something else, rather than being in the here and now, just letting ourselves be under circumstances we need to tackle first.

In other words, being happier is letting go of having to delay being happy first with our trivial quirks when we know that getting down to more important things we need to do each and everyday, little by little, will actually free us from worry.

Expect difficulties.
Successful people will tell you that their success had never been easy to achieve. It required a lot of dedication, sacrificing leisure time for family and friends, in order to get a job done. 
So if you think that Mr. Big had it easy, you?e wrong. Expecting things to be difficult is a fact and no one has ever come around it easily. Accepting this helps us put us in the perspective of needing to make slow progress, no matter how difficult. It is better than not starting at all. David Burns, M.D., author of the self-help  bestseller,  ?eeling Good? prescribes this attitude.

Wanting to help his daughter get through chemistry at school, he showed her a chapter in a statistic book that he had been hovering over, on and off for over a year but didn? understand very well. Her daughter saw the worn and underlined pages he showed her.  Reading the chapter repeatedly in that way showed how difficult the chapter was to understand, but it meant understanding details little by little, period after period, chart after chart, column after column. Eventually, Burns got to see the light of the topic each and everyday he took on each line, no matter how boring and difficult to understand.

You see, even if we know how overwhelming the amount of work we see ahead of us, accepting it as difficult must help us look at the whole matter not merely from a bird? eye view. Certainly, from a distance, we are threatened with the size of such a task. Instead, we must begin to zeroing in on those little details and tackle them one step at a time. Slow progress is better than not having to begin at all.

Do a cost-benefit analysis.
Write down the advantages and disadvantages of having to put off things. You will find that the advantages for having to procastinate will make you understand what goals you really want to achieve.  It? the goals, if unclear and not to our liking, that make us want to procastinate. By knowing what we really want in life, working up to task will be more pleasant and enjoyable.

Esther, 23, a young sales service representative, was new on the job. She had difficulty going to remote areas in her field work because she was always  coming late to work. She wrote down her cost-benefit analysis this way by citing the advantages of having to procastinate: (1) She likes talking to people who came from the city rather than from semi-rural areas;  (2) She? rather be in an air-conditioned building rather than ride the bus in traffic jams and rush hours; (3) She liked getting up not too early just to travel long distances; (4) She can still get paid while her quota wasn? too high, anyway.

Listing her disadvantages for having to put off things, it went this way: (1) She felt tired for having to rush all the time; (2) Her life wasn? getting anywhere; (3) She was going to lose her job soon if she kept coming late.

By evaluating her advantages and disadvantages, Esther realized that being a sales representative wasn? what she wanted to be, after all. Instead, she applied for a front desk job in a hotel near her neighborhood, got accepted and started enjoying herself.

Procastinating can be looked upon with better eyes. Because understanding why we put off things is also a way of setting our goals straight and going after things we want to do and achieve.

Know what it is you really want to do.
So if you?e in a fix about doing certain things you don? feel like doing and have put them under the rug for some time, be honest. It? time to reevaluate what you want out of your life. While it is a another matter of breaking an old, bad habit, procastination can be seen as a sign that tells us that we can go where we choose to go. Not knowing where we want to be or not liking, at the very least, where we are at the moment, is an significant barrier that stops is from unbreaking the old habit of putting things off. 
Know what you want to enjoy doing as a life goal first. For all you know, no matter how you beat the old habit of procastinating, being happier also has a lot to do with knowing what it is you want to do in your life.

Christopher Knight, a multi-milllion dollar business builder & email/web/internet strategist, cites in his website on Top 7 Business, tells us that we must identify what is stopping you. Do you hate what you?e doing? He lets us in by advising us to write down our goals.

Counteract the Micromanager by being creative. 
Disarming that nagging voice of your teacher, boss or mother is how ?he Stress Doc? Mark Gorkin, LICSW puts it. Being your own antagonist is more like it in setting a ploy that inspires you rather bog you down.  Instead of having to tune in to others, you must assume the role of the antagonist yourself. Listen to your inner voice that must speak in your behalf, not theirs. This way, you are in control of the scoldings, but the idea is to be just as bad. However, if it? your own voice that? nagging you, you?e more likely to listen to yourself than having to stand the shrill voice of witches.

Jack, 29, a web designer, learned to be his own nagger when he grew tired of his mentor? squeeky voice. While it proved difficult to ignore him, Jack got up one day and learned to take over. If he knew that his mentor was going to come barging into his door after his first cup of coffee, Jack overtook him in his head by mounting an attack on his procastination by using his own words creatively.

He said, ?ack, if you keep sipping more coffee for the first part of the day rather than get on with that webpage, you?e going to get more jittery with all that caffeine, spill coffee on the keyboard while in a rush and would have to do it all over again like you did last week!?

Taking over sounded more at home with him that he managed to get through the morning with more hilarious inner quips. It was better than having to mutter,?How creative can he get? ?Jack thought, for his mentor? boring squeeky voice that only had one spiel to tell, ? need that webpage now?
From his self-imposed creative inner cue, Jack got worried enough to stop having longer coffee breaks. How creative can you get? You can!

Give yourself credit.
Burns once more reiterates that slow progress deserves credit, too.  Karen, a middle-aged housewife who? got growing kids had the usual trouble of getting to wash clothes too late in the day got to list down things she did all day before she took to the task of washing clothes. She realized that she had picked up the kids, fed them, helped them with homework, paid the bills, went to the grocery store, called her husband to check what he wanted for dinner. The list went on and on even when washing clothes hadn? been accomplished yet.

Even if we are faced with reality that there are just some dirty job we need to do and has little to do with our goals in life, we must sum up all those little tasks we did that usually takes most of our time.

?ewards do not come from the outside? Burns explains. It comes from within us. Getting good grades or getting promoted is highly motivating, but no matter how you look at it, every little we do that gets done in the day must bring in a sense of satisfaction. If we are to see no point in crediting ourselves, then what? the point in trying at all? We must feel good about what we do, even if we are still in the bad habit of putting things off.

Sometimes, we are too overwhelmed by one single, daunting task that we fail to sense that accomplishment we can have in everything we do. Feeling good about what you do and rewarding yourself does not come from outside.

Unless we learn to recognize that fact, procastinating will not only be about delaying the things we hate to do. It will be about delaying the fact that feeling good about our little accomplishments by the day will never be seen with fresh eyes about our self worth that inspires us to just get on with it.

?ennis Starlet, Anna Kournikova?
Born on June 7, 1981, the 5'8" (173cm) tall Russian tennis player Anna (previously, Anya) Kournikova, who now resides in a luxurious flat in Miami, Florida, USA, was declared among the "50 Most Beautiful People" in 1998 by the People Magazine. She is only one of two athletes in the world to make the list.

As a tennis pro, she moved up to No. 54 in the 2001 Forbes Power list which measures celebrity power vis-a-vis their visibility in the media. She's not won a major singles title till date, but has won a million hearts, mostly male. Probably as quotable as Oscar Wilde, one of her more famous one-liners on herself was, "It's like a menu: They can look, but they can't afford it." She even was the subject of an inspired  Kournikova-dubbed computer virus. Spectators come to see Anna, not just see her play tennis. In her recent book Hidden Side of Women's Tennis, Nathalie Tauziat writes, "everybody in women's tennis plays their hardest so they can beat her and prove her looks are useless." But Anna retorts backs, "Why should I have to look ugly just because I'm an athlete?"

Anna's tryst with tennis began at the age of five in Moscow when her father, himself a wrestler, took her to play in a weekly tennis sports program. Her parents, Sergei and Alla had to sell off their TV to buy the little girl a racquet. She improved rapidly because she was a natural athlete and was spotted at the Kremlin Cup in 1991 at the age of nine by a sports agent who made her the agency's youngest signee. She was offered a place at the Nick Bollettieri Tennis Academy in Florida and a luxury apartment for herself and her mother.

The family took the harsh decision of splitting, with Sergei staying back in Moscow earning around $35 a week as a teacher in the Russian Physical Culture Ministry. The gifted Russians flair was recognised instantly by Nick Bollettieri who says, Anna is a shotmaker. She has the ability to create situations on the court that very few people can create. And at the net she's brilliant. She hits volleys from all angles.

"The only person I could compare her to is John McEnroe," says Bollettieri, brave words coming from one of the most successful coaches in tennis. Anna ended 1995 as the ITF Junior World Champion ranked No.1, and she turned pro the same year. The next year she was voted the most improved player by the WTA when her ranking rose to 57. In 1997, she became the second woman in the Open Era to reach the Wimbledon semifinals in her career debut. She's been ranked in the top 25 since 1997.

On being asked by Jay Leno in an interview about her sexy micro-mini skirts, she coquettishly replied, "It's not that my skirts are any shorter than other players; my legs are longer. You cannot disagree with that, can you?" Success has brought with it the small matter of three million dollars in prize money and probably double of that in endorsements and other such trivial issues. The going rate for an interview with the young woman is not a cent less than $100,000. She is eighth in the world in singles and third in doubles as this may perhaps be overlooked in all the hype that surrounds her glamorous personality. She was named as the 1999 best female doubles player in the world and the day is not far when she wins a major singles title and gets that monkey off her back. Until then, one cannot but agree with her favourite saying: "I am beautiful, famous and gorgeous."

Her talent and beauty has also made her an endorser of brands. Omega launched 'Anna Kournikova's choice', the Constellation Carre Gold in an Indian environment in Paris in May 2001. The famous Parisian bar Man Ray was transformed into a magnificent catwalk, providing a platform to showcase the seductively elegant Omega Carre, and the flamboyant designs of one of India's greatest designers, Rohit Bal.

The rich combination of the Omega Carre and Bal's designs, were showcased in a gold and embroidery by Sheetal Malhar, Madhu Sapre, Ujjwala Raut, Nyonika Chatterjee, Ruchi Malhotra, Vidisha Pavate, Meher Bhasin, and the hottest names of the Indian modeling scene. The highlight of the glamorous evening, however, was the grand entrance on the ramp by Omega brand ambassador Anna Kournikova, in a dress made for her by Bal, and the gorgeous Carre Gold 'My Choice'!

Stephen Urquhart, President of Omega International said, ?nna fits in with the Omega philosophy. She performs with precision and stamina on court, yet remains the epitome of style and elegance off court. With Omega as well, our precision movements are encased in contemporary style and classic elegance-a winner combination."

For someone quite young, Anna? endorsement of Omega puts her on the A-list with the famous Cindy Crawford who? appeared in dozens of Omega print ads in worldwide publications.

Anna Kournikova also signed a multiyear endorsement deal with Terra Lycos. She will appear in TV, print, outdoor and online ads to promote the web search engine and portal Lycos. Lycos' celebrity deal comes as most other Web companies are in marketing retreat because of the dot-com crash. Kournikova is the 9th-ranked player on the women's tennis tour. But she's No. 1 on the Lycos Sports 50: the company's survey of the "Internet's most-searched-for" athletes.

"She gets twice as many search requests as Tiger Woods and Michael Jordan combined," Terra Lycos executives say.

Even before the Lycos deal, Kournikova was making more than $10 million a year from deals with companies such as Adidas, Yonex and Berlei. She raised eyebrows last year with ads for Berlei's new sports bra that proclaimed: "Only the ball should bounce."

Patrick McGee, vice president of athlete marketing for Kournikova's sports-marketing firm Octagon, says his client's appeal ranges far beyond the sports world. And this lets her compete with the likes of Britney Spears for endorsement contracts, he says.

"She's a model and an athlete. You can't find that anywhere else in the sports world," McGee says.

But unlike champions Venus and Serena Williams, however, Kournikova has yet to win a pro tennis tournament. And that has critics sniping that she gets endorsements more for her sexy image than her tennis game.

Anna made her pro debut at the age of 14.  She admires many players like Monica Seles, Boris Becker and Andre Agassi. Her dream is to win a grand slam title more than wining an Olympic gold medal. She beat every top woman player in the world on singles matches but has yet to swing a grand slam title.

When playing, Kournikova revealed that she had a hand in designing the new outfit, provided for her by sportswear giant Adidas.

"I've always liked fashion and I've always been artistic," she said. "I've got a great relationship with Adidas - they've always asked my opinion and listened to me.

"I've worn this style of outfit before but the colors are new."

Kournikova's model looks mean it is not only the outfits that the spectators get to see that keep the dollars rolling in. She has also signed multi-million dollar deals to promote Berlei sports bras, marketed under the slogan "only the balls should bounce", Omega watches and Pegaso mobile phones.

The extent of Kournikova's off-court earnings is the subject of wildly varying estimates but she is widely believed to rake in more from endorsements that any other female athlete on the planet.  Her main rivals in the fashion stakes -- the Williams sisters, Martina Hingis and Mary Pierce -- are all in the other, much stronger half of the draw.

At the Australian Open in 1999, the Russian player made more heads turn than usual at Melbourne Park in a vivid, colored outfit, designed especially for her by her sponsor, Aidas. The yellow and black ensemble includes a fitted tank top and cheeky shorts. Matching shoes complete the look. But the outfit, which Kournikova helped design, is not just a fashion statement. It also is designed to keep her cool in Melbourne's heat. The top has ventilation panels and is made from a fabric which draws sweat away from the skin.

Adidas marketing manager Rob Mills said designers had worked on the outfit for about 15 months ?and Kournikova loved the result. Kournikova, ranked No. 8 for the Open singles, earns up to $10 million a year in sponsorship from Adidas.

Hence, women's tennis is going more mainstream than ever before. Hingis has been featured on the cover of GQ magazine. Venus and Serena Williams were splashed across the front of Elle magazine and several other non-tennis publications. Anna Kournikova's image is everywhere, from TV commercials to movies to music videos to being one of the most downloaded women on the Internet. Even in those instances when players might be, well, a little over the top, the WTA isn't complaining.

"The envelope is being pushed a bit and I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing," said WTA director of communications Jim Fuhse, who oversees a lot of player promotions. After all, women's tennis is in the business of entertainment and attracting fans. And as the off-the-charts celebrity status of Kournikova has proven, a little sex appeal doesn't exactly hurt the on-court product.

"We let our athletes show their personalities and be interesting in terms of fashion and style," said Kevin Wulff, the WTA's newly appointed chief executive officer. "We let the athletes be who they are. We don't market sex appeal. That's the individual choice of the players."

Besides appearing in pop singer Enrique Iglesias' video, Kournikova also did a photo shoot for her apparel company, adidas, in which she recreated the famous Marilyn Monroe movie scene from The Seven Year Itch where her skirt flew upward by a wind rush from a subway grate in New York. Though Kournikova's publicity photo (taken in Southern California) is less revealing than the Monroe scene, the subliminal message was unmistakable.

In a competitive, entertainment-driven world, women's tennis finds itself on the upswing. Television ratings in the past few years have been consistently superior to the men's game. The first ever prime-time U.S. Open final between the Williams sisters drew a 6.8 rating, nearly doubling the Notre Dame-Nebraska football game shown on another network. Much of the credit for the boom in women's tennis goes to a large core of top players who aren't afraid to let their personalities -- or their stylish fashion tastes -- show on and off the court.

?ovely Arms to Hold?
A pair of arms is a good sight to see. Just as a good fashion sense looks good on a fit body, so do arms. Arms are there to hold and there to be held. But have you ever seen bad-looking arms?

Arms that do not look good enough to hold are usually dry and spotty. Basically, we?e referring to skin. Shapely arms are unforgettable, too, especially when muscles are firm, not flabby, loose or too thin.

So how does one have lovely arms? Think of good skin and good shape.

Commit to get fit.
            The first thing you need to do is commit yourself to a fitness  program. The best way to do this is join a local gym. When choosing a gym, try to find one with a swimming pool and sun beds. And bring that sunscreen. The suns hotter than it was years ago. There are also good deals on membership, so check that out, too.

If a gym is not your type of thing, get a group of friends to meet after work and power-walk round the business district or park. If there? a yoga or aerobics class nearby, join. You need to get fit in an environment that suits you; otherwise, you will not be motivated to stick it out. Invest in some dumb bells to get your arms n shape. For better guidance, inquire from a fitness instructor on how to have shapely arms.  You need to know how fit you are and how far you?e got to go. 
  
	Diet. 
 	What good is a workout if you don? support it with a good diet? This has been noted many times in health and fitness literature. For starters, try a fat-burning, sugar-free diet for one month. Cut out all food with sugar content. Forget alcohol, ready meals, tinned foods, cakes, biscuits, chocolate, bananas, citrus fruit and white bread.

Furthermore, are you getting enough water? If you feel that you are under performing mentally and physically or suffering from constipation, sinus problems, lethargy or depression, you may be dehydrated. The average person should be         drinking eight glasses of water a day to keep the brain and internal organs functioning efficiently.

Even if you are to get your arms and body in shape, give back what your body needs first before you rid of it of toxins. Water cleanses your system and helps you sweat a lot. Exercise that doesn? make you sweat does little make you lose weight and prepare your body for shaping.

Dumb bell workout for shape.
	When it? summer, beautiful arms are a necessity especially when you?e thinking of wearing that new bathing suit. To begin, hold a dumbbell or a can of beans in your right hand and rest your left knee and left hand on a chair or bench, and keep left arm straight. Bend  your right knee and make sure your back is parallel to the floor. Bend your right elbow up and behind you keeping it close to your           torso with the palm facing in. Extend the forearm back so that the arm is straight and the upper arm is squeezed into the body. Then, slowly  return the arm to the bent position and repeat. Use a 3-5lb weight and perform three sets of 10 to 12 repetitions. 
 	
Before doing so, stretch your arms first by extending them sideways, upwards and in circular motion to get the oxygen going in those areas, including preparing your muscles for some workout. 
Again, total fitness. 
	However, shaping the arms cannot be the sole area of your body to work out. 
You must get active, whether you can fit 10 minutes or 60 minutes into your day. Do something that raises your heart rate.

Try brisk walking for part of your way to and from work or during your lunch hour. With the light evenings and during cool weather,  get on your bike, roller  blades or just your feet and just get moving.

Beautiful arms is not only about getting them in shape; it? about your arms?skin. 
	
	Skin care at arms?length. 
For simple, home-ready beauty tips, wash your arms with gentle soap to make it clean and wipe dry. Apply two spoonfuls of cereal over your arms gently. Salt may be an alternative as skin on arms can get rough and leave dead skin. While applying cereal or rock salt gently, apply half a teaspoonful of olive oil. Do for 10 minutes.

Remember to massage all over your arms, from your wrists, forearms, elbows and to the tip of your shoulders.

When done, wipe off the ingredients and sense a refreshing tingle on your skin. Do this once a day. After wiping, apply lotion. 
	
	Some people think that hairy arms in women are beautiful. If you have such a pair, it? because of your genes. But to spur a little growth of hair on your arms, try applying olive oil everyday. When taking a bath, use a skin scrub to again, wipe off the dead skin that you cannot see and make sure you moisturize.

When doing repetitive work with hands. 
	To get blood going in your arms, especially when you?e always doing repetitive movements such as typing, washing, writing or any type of activity that has to do with your hands, massage your arms. Or have a friend start rubbing your wrists and arms gently and in circular motion with lotion, oil or powder. Muscles in arms can make it feel heavy especially as blood flow does not move freely in your muscles.

Beware also of always sticking out your arm when driving as the sun will make your skin dry. If you love the breeze, simply wear long sleeves to keep your arms protected from the sun as its ultraviolet rays are harmful to skin.

Don? forget the elbows.
	Remember to also moisturize your elbow longer as this is the part where loose skin hangs and it? the easiest to dry. If the skin on your elbows is dark, try rubbing lemon over it as this fruit has some bleaching properties. Then, remember ti moisturize again to keep water in skin. And yes, don? forget your glass of water.

?eeth Care?
What? a winning smile without bright, white teeth?

For years, Terry, 31, a hotel front desk supervisor,  has  been accommodating
 guests everyday on the job. Way through graveyard shifts, always on the go and under pressure, she whisks through the nearby coffee shop with her pack of cigarettes in tow, for another work shift ?ound the clock just to stay awake. Retouching her make-up in the comfort room, she flashes a smile, eagerly wanting to get through the night and to slump into bed afterwards for that long due vacation.  She noticed that her eyes are weary, her smile seemed less radiant. Those long working hours were taking a toll on her looks. Feeling a tinge of guilt, she promised she? make that appointment with her dentist.

Why  the dentist?

For decades,  dentists have ventured into coming up ways to beaming up our smiles with teeth care that help make us look more confident. Not only have cosmetic surgeons and dermatologists been engaged in the business of making people look better and younger, but having a great smile is essential in painting that picture perfect of youthful looks.

Surely, flashing a great smile with bright, white teeth does the trick more than anyone would care to know. Facelifts, a good hairstyle, softened wrinkles and clear, velvety skin do the job in staving off those years that will make us look younger, but a whiter, brighter smile does more wonders. It affirms how engaging a healthy smile can look to project that we are not only feeling young, but looking young as well.

With Terry, her color-stained teeth seemed to have taken her age speedometer three years down the road. Imagine how she would look if she could only have whiter, brighter teeth. Some years back, she had such a radiant smile. In time, her teeth had come of age -- not only in shape, but like gray hair, teeth lose their youthful looks ?their brightness!

Dull, discolored teeth that? been stained by coffee, tea, wine, cola or cigarettes make teeth look old, too! And so does your smile.

Today? technology in dental care has seen many developments in the care of our teeth. We?e come a long way since the Pepsodent smile.  The good news is, while the ingredients in our toothpaste work harder to keep away bacteria from building up, the care for the health of our gums, making our teeth stronger, keeping our breath fresh and even helping whiten teeth, some good news is, brushing our teeth diligently with whitening toothpaste does make a slight difference, anyway.

There are many safe and inexpensive toothpastes that have teeth-whitening properties.  But if you?e looking for a faster and more effective way to bring back the brightness in your smile, you may want to know the latest dental procedures that? bringing the smiles back.

At-Home Whitening, Dentist Supervised
Steve Wechster, D.M.D. and Susan Kleinman write that this procedure requires dentists  to make ?mpressions of your mouth and fabricate custom trays that fit your teeth. When the trys are ready a few days or weeks later, your dentist will check the fit and provide you with pre-measured bleaching solution in applicators to fill the trays.?

While at home, the filled trays in your mouth need to be popped, according to the instructions that your dentist gives you and as provided in the kit. You?l need to wear the trays for two hours a day for several consecutive days or to bed every week. 
This dentist-supervised bleaching at home may be appropriate for typical, yellowed teeth. However, it only works on natural teeth. Yellowed caps, crowns or tooth-color fillings require a different procedure.

In-Office or ?hair-Side?Whitening
A procedure done in your dentist? clinic when you need to bleach only a few teeth. A protective gel is applied to your gums, spread on a highly concentrated bleaching agent to your teeth. Here, your dentists shines a ?ure light?on your smile, to accelearte the bleaching action, athough this part is still debatable. However, depending on how yellow your teeth are, chair-side whitening may take one visit or several, but it can serve as a ?ump-start?procedure for at-home whitening.

Laser Whitening 
With this procedure, your dentist needs to protect your gums, tongue and the roof of your mouth while coating bleaching materials, then concentrate the laser on your  teeth to begin the bleaching process. Laser whitening brings dramatic results in less time than all whitening procedures.

Bleaching Strips
Made by Colgate, these can be used only for your front six teeth, the kit is available only through your dentist. This includes several weeks of coating with bleaching solution with the strips?adhesive edges that allow you to stick the strips to your teeth. While the effects are significantly less that custom-tray bleaching, the bleaching strips can touch up the bleaching job if you had one a few years back or if your teeth have been yellowed too much  over time.

Over-the Counter Whitening Kits
Infomercials are awash with kits you can buy from the durgstore or from direct selling companies. You-can-do-yourself kits include bite forms to make your own tray. But because they?e not custom-made to fit your bite form that your dentist painstakingly molds for you, the trays don? fit well enough to contain whitening solution on your teeth. Instead, possible effects such as severe gum irritation give you new problems.

Steve Wechster, D.M.D. and Susan Kleinman advise that alerting your dentist on such problems or consulting your dentist first before purchasing over-the-counter whitening kits is best.

Proper tooth-brushing and flossing
Aside from teeth-whitening procedures in the care of teeth, proper tooth-brushing and flossing removes harmful bacteria and bacteria-plaque products that cause gingivitis or gingiva, an inflammation of gums to cause them to swell and bleed easily. Proper care also helps prevent Periodontitis, more serious than gingivitis, that causes the loss and destruction of the periodontal attachment and supporting tissues surrounding the teeth.

Dental Implants
Another anti-aging technique to make your smile keep you looking young  is the use of implants. Rifkin, associate professor of the University of California, School of Dentistry, suggests that dental implants are ?being used for people of all ages when only one tooth is needed.?

It requires a metal or ceramic screw or cynlinder to be inserted into the bone to function as a substitute for the root of the tooth. Then, an artificial tooth is attached to the top of the implant. Although expensive and a long process that involves a team of experts working on improved materials and techniques that make implants stable enough to withstand the stress of heavy chewing and the body rejecting a foreign substance, Rifkin advises that you must talk to people who?e had successful implants what success they?e had with the procedure.

For a brighter and younger-looking smile, the best way is to rely on the word of mouth as your best source of reference for the proper care of teeth and teeth-whitening procedures.

?ady Diana Frances Spencer, A Recap?
It was Vogue that encouraged her to carry a particular look. After her marriage to Prince Charles, she gained confidence in her own fashion style and became more and more elegant as her understanding of fashion sense became clearer to her as a royal figure who was determined to stay away from the traditional stuffy look. She began to be clad in clothes by international designers of her own choice including Versace, Christian Lacroix, Ungaro and Chanel and that of British designers like Arabella Pollen, Bruce Oldfield, Amanda Wakeley and Catherine Walker.

In the next decade, Lady Diana was a world leader of fashion in clothes, accessories, make up and hair. She set the trend in British fashion that the rest of the world took on while she was continually being hounded by the press for her latest look, latest remark or latest romance. Women ages 30-45 recognized her as their fashion icon as the high street stores and brand labels eagerly copied her outfits and all her trademarks of style, including her  fitness fever. When she had an early passion for hats, it once more became stylish for everyone to wear hats at weddings. Television from all over the world covered her daily and was seen by the largest number of people worldwide. Hence, she easily became the most influential fashion icon of the 20th century exhibiting flair and a dash of daring. It was because of her struggles as a royal princess trapped within the stiff upper lip culture along the echelons of the British monarchy that first brought sympathy on her by an adoring public. And when it was announced that her separation from Prince Charles became official, the world applauded as they saw her bloom into a woman she was meant to be, in fashion and in purpose, as she actively supported the cause for the protection of children, care for AIDs victims and landmine victims around the globe.

It was her spirit that carried her fashion sense and taste with significance, warmth and stature that no other famous woman has ever done.

Before she  married, Lady Diana Frances Spencer was a romantic dresser clad in the manner of the Sloane set she mixed with. She liked to wear high necked frilly ruffled blouses, pearls, floral skirts, loose short sleeved shirt blouses, low pump shoes, simple dresses and country tweed suits. All were clothes very much liked by the 'country set'. Then when she was engaged, she began to wear slightly more glamorous clothes although sometimes these seemed too old for a woman so young.

The early years of her engaged to Prince Charles saw fittings of the Dallas factor with big hair, big shoulder pads and big name glitzy outfits. But it was by the time of her death in 1997 that she was a world renowned fashion icon with a pared down cool sophisticated assured style in a honed and fit body. It was the beautiful and gentle princess in puff sleeves that first marked the big shouldered evening fashion look of the 1980s who saw her way to greater freedom and coming into her own in  her  streamlined style of the 1990s.

Earlier, the full skirted taffeta silk crinoline ball dress with puffed sleeves was widely copied by stores such as Laura Ashley and it became the dress style to wear to May Balls and similar yuppie events. Getting out a romantic fantasy ballgown was an occasion to shed the power suit showing the woman of aspiration and taste beneath. Even Lady Diana's wedding dress set a trend for meringue styles. She first started supporting British designers beginning with Elizabeth and David Emanuel who designed her much criticized puff ball meringue wedding dress in 1981. The beautiful dress was based on a romantic look of huge puffed sleeves with a full skirt of ivory silk pure taffeta, old lace and hand embroidery incorporating 10,000 pearls and sequins. While many might not choose the crinoline meringue style in the 21st century, thousands did in the immediate following decade. Only in 1992 was there a move toward straighter, more simple, less girly styles, but it took some years for the majority of brides to notice this fact. Diana? going away pert pink ensemble was made by David Sassoon of the Couture design house Belville Sassoon. He made many other garments for the Princess.

Shortly after the christening of Prince William in 1982, the Princess of Wales adopted the tailored big She was already setting fashion trends. Adapted from the New Romantic look, the soft dreamy styles and hats which had been passe for decades were instantly a hit with all who saw her as an inspiration for living out their dreams of fashion. She soon fuelled the fever even more as she wore sharper and sharper square shouldered suits. It was later in the 1990s that the suits simply defined her well honed figure, rather than adding padding to it.

Lady Diane finally found her style when she wore suits in the way a business woman wore them. These were part of her working wardrobe, including slim sheath dresses with minimal jewelry. The change from the very formal braided suit and hat to the crisper leaner, uncluttered lines she began to favor in her last years became the Lady Diana look when she was at her peak. And the world all the more adored her for it more than the monarchy ever expected even after her death. The Princess of Wales, Diana died in a car crash in Paris on 31st August 1997, aged 36, one year after her final divorce settlement from Charles, Prince of Wales. 
     
While Prince Charles has said that he likes to see a lady well dressed; it seemed in the public eye that he was ever able to cope with his late ex-wife's beauty, charisma, elegance, poise, and humor. He could not accept the fact that people would rather see his radiant wife who was royal by marriage, but a far cry from the traditional, stuffy royal. His envy was perceived to be one of the reasons for the breakup of their marriage.

Even as a Sloane Ranger, Lady Diana had outstanding taste in the style of clothes she wore and in the accessories she chose to wear with each outfit. She often recycled many of her dresses by having different little touches added or by having something deleted. Lady Diana possessed the ability to combine the most expensive jewelry with costume jewelry. She, also, liked color and chose to wear colors which no royal before her had done. She also liked to shop and what modern lady doesn't? Again, something royals didn't do. She was also tagged as the ?ueen of Style?and the ?ueen of People's Hearts,"

From the moment the innocent young nanny stepped into the very public role of Princess, her innermost thoughts and emotions had to remain concealed but were revealed through her outward style and clothing. Yet her sense of herself was inexorably conveyed through her manner of dress and her public demeanor as she passed through the many phases of her public life.

This remains to be the pivotal point for the reason why Lady Diana became a fashion icon who bloomed. Every facet in her tumultuous private life was reflected in the look and clothes she wore as a royal public figure. And each time she presented herself with the elegance and beauty of a princess, the British people and millions of fans who adored her, cheered for the triumph that she carried in public despite her inner struggles.

Many argue that Lady Diana? image was far more superior than Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. Her picture on the cover of magazines was enough to guarantee sales worldwide, and no personality in history was ever the subject of more unremitting attention on the part of the paparazzi. It seems that only a true royal with royal descendants, as was of Lady Diana, could ever bring about genuine affection from around the world. Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was simply a product of American pop culture, marital affiliation and power that carried less of the novelty that only a gorgeous royal British princess ever could.

Lady Diana came at a time when stars have become drabber and more ordinary. She achieved unrivalled glamour and respect. From being a relatively unprepossessing kindergarten teacher into a stylish and beautiful young woman, always well dressed, and beloved for her gentle and loving nature.

Almost from the day she emerged into public life, the British people took her to their hearts. She brought to the Royal Family not only her very English beauty, but the enthusiasm of youth, combined with an innate dignity and a good-natured sense of humor. The Princess enjoyed a natural affinity with both children and the sick. She devoted much energy to their care, in a way entirely in tune with the age. Her warmth and kindness found many outlets, particularly in regard to those struck down with HIV. She was spontaneous in manner, happily ignoring royal protocol to bestow a kiss on a child in the crowd, and writing letters to members of the public signed "love Diana".

The world's press loved her, too. Newspapers built her up into the epitome of a fairy-tale princess. They were occasionally fickle and turned on their creation, but it was generally more comfortable to let the world love her, and their onslaughts were accordingly short-lived. The press interest was relentless, however, and it began long before the engagement was in any sense firm. After her marriage, her every movement, her every outfit, her every mood, was the excuse for many column inches of press comment. She was a natural joy for photographers, being both photogenic and having an innate understanding of the needs of journalists. Her face could sell a million copies of any publication, and both they and she knew it. She adorned many a magazine cover by editor's choice, and once, memorably, that  of Vogue by her own wish.

Diana, Princess of Wales, was born at Park House, Sandringham, as the Hon Diana Frances Spencer. She was the third and youngest daughter of Viscount Althorp (later  the 8th Earl Spencer, who died in 1992), and his first wife, the Hon. Frances Roche (later married for some years to the wallpaper heir, Peter Shand-Kydd). She became Lady Diana Spencer on the death of her grandfather in 1975.

While the Princess's paternal ancestors were representative of the Whig oligarchy of the 18th century, she also descended through several lines from the Stuart Kings Charles II and James II, who were not ancestors of the Prince of Wales. Other paternal forebears included the great Duke of Marlborough, Sir Robert Walpole, the Marquess of Anglesey (who lost a leg at Waterloo), and the Earl of Lucan, of Balaclava fame. On her mother's side there was Irish and Scottish blood, with a sprinkling of pioneer New England stock. Her closest relationship to the Prince of Wales was that of seventh cousin once removed, through their common descent from the 3rd Duke of Devonshire.

Princess Diana was born on July 1,1961. Her birth name was Diana Frances Spencer, and she was known as Lady Diana before she married Prince Charles because her father was a viscount, which is a type of noble. But by the mid-1980s, signs began to emerge that Diana and Charles were less than happy together. The 12-year age gap between them began to take its toll, as their interests diverged. By 1986, Charles began again to see his old love, Camilla Parker Bowles, while Diana developed bulimia nervosa and reportedly even attempted suicide. Charles and Diana continued making public appearances together, but privately began to lead separate lives. The rumors and reports about the couple's unhappiness abruptly became official in 1992, when then-Prime Minister John Major announced to Parliament that Charles and Diana were separating.

She once said she wanted to be a sort of ambassador, "a queen of people's hearts," and Prime Minister Tony Blair believed she should carry on her good works because "she earns a lot of respect and admiration."  To the public, the cause-minded Diana seemed a refreshing alternative to those still occupying the House of Windsor -- who were perceived as being more concerned with themselves than others. An early 1997 London opinion poll revealed that only 21 percent of those surveyed believed the royal family was "concerned about people in real need."  As if to underscore her new image, and independence, Diana had Christie's auction off 79 gowns collected during her 15 years as the wife of Windsor. All proceeds from the June auction went to charity.

"These dresses really don't fit into the life she leads now," said Meredith Etherington-Smith, the Christie's marketing director who worked closely on plans for the auction. "She's left the past where it should be -- in the past."

As for her private life, the world's most photographed woman appeared to have kept companions at a safe distance until she dropped her reserve with Dodi Fayed, the millionaire with whom she died in the Paris car crash. In the first hours and days after the news of Diana's death in Paris shocked the world, major media outlets from CNN to NBC turned to Donald Spoto for help in articulating the meaning of the tragedy and understanding its effect on the British monarchy, the worldwide public who admired and loved her, and, most importantly, her own family. In his book, ?iana: The Last Year? Spoto tells for the first time the complete story of a woman in conflict. Diana was driven by a philanthropic desire to relieve suffering and change the world for the better. But she was also determined to make up for a youth that was taken from her, at the age of nineteen, when she entered the restrictive and, from her perspective, decidedly chilly House of Windsor. Like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis, Diana in her last year was re-creating her public and private self.

?etting into Jeans?
Bootlegs, paper pants, slacks, leather trousers, what-have-you, come and go every year. The fashion magazines are awash with them. New brands and styles hog the limelight, along with the celebrities who don the latest apparel and the rest of the world catches on. The MTV generation is getting more daring and liberal. Meanwhile, the only trousers that never go out of style are jeans.

Jeans are here to stay. They?e been ripped, torn, dyed, cut out, stamped on, pressed, washed and rewashed. Who knows what else they?e done to this durable pair that was once garbed by the American cowboy to the lowly trouser of the working class?

In other words, jeans have evolved from the working class?wear to the most widely used pair of pants used by people of all generations from all walks of life.

Where did jeans come from?

Jeans are also called blue jeans, dungaress, denims or Levi?, trousers originally designed in the U.S. by Levi Strauss in the mid 19th century as durable work clothes, with the seams and other points of stress reinforced with small copper rivets. They were eventually adopted by workingmen throughout the United States and then all over the world.

Jeans are particularly identified as a standard item of ?estern?apparel worn by the American cowboy. After the mid-20th century, various adaptations became internationally a characteristic part of clothing for both men and women.

Furthermore, jeans or denim, as popularly called by some quarters, is a durable twill-woven fabric used principally for work and leisure clothing. The name is said to have originated in the French serge de Nimes.

Denim is yarn-dyed and mill-finished and is usually all-cotton, although considerable quantities are of a cotton-synthetic fibre mixture. Denim is mainly indigo or blue but is produced in other colors and in stripes and various patterns.

Traditionally used for ranch, farm, work and sea-going attire, denim has become an important children? wear item and is used for casual wear by both sexes of all ages.

Levi Strauss & Co., the world? largest maker of pants, noted especially for its denim jeans called Levi? (registered trademark). It also manufactures tailored slacks, jackets, hats, shirts, skirts, and belts and licenses the manufacture of novelty items.

The company traces its origin to Levi Strauss (1829-1902), a Bavarian immigrant who arrived in San Francisco in 1850 during the Gold Rush, bringing dry goods for sale to miners. Hearing of the miners?need for durable pants, Strauss hired a tailor to make garments out of tent canvas (later, denim was substituted, and copper riveting was added to pocket seams). A merchandising partnership of Strauss and his two brothers, Jonas and Luis, was formed in 1853.

After Strauss? death in 1902, leadership of the company passed to four nephews and after 1918, to in-laws, the Haas family (who still retain controlling interest). The company? most spectacular growth occurred after 1946, when it decided to abandon wholesaling and concentrate entirely on manufacturing clothing under its own label.

By the 1960s, Levi? and other jeans ?once worn chiefly by Western cowboys ?became popular worldwide and even fashionably chic. In 1984, Levi Strauss & Co. signed a contract with Perry Ellis, a fashion designer, to market a line of sportswear. 
 
	A lot of brands have since sprung over the decades, as manufacturers understand the needs of its consumers. The market is huge enough that even emerging markets have become niches to themselves, as the consumer profile widens. When it was customary and fit for men only to wear jeans, today? women, teen-agers, young children, and even toddlers have come to love their favorite pair of jeans.

From the classic blue jeans, various colors and styles have been added to the jean catgeory. Not only do jeans come in a pair of pants; jackets, shorts, bags, and even shoes and belts carry the fabric that is known as durable, comfortable and stylish.

Some of the brands that are available in stores worldwide are Guess, Wrangler, Gap, Jag, Lee Copper, Lucky Brand Dungarees, Anchor Blue Jeans, Buggia Jeans, Buttgrabber Jeans, Chic Jeans, Diamond Gusset Blue Jeans, Earl Jean, Kouefati Jeans, Mudd Jeans, Nautica Jeans, Paris Blues, Pepe Jeans London , Polo Jeans, Riders Jeans, Texas Jeans, Zana-di Jeans, among the few.

If there? anything worthwhile to note about a pair of jeans, it would be the various trims, cuts, color and texture that are designed to make jeans interesting.

Levi? is seen to be the leading brand as it pioneers the washed and  rewashed wear, including the branding of their product categories that have become household names that carry the Levi?  name. There? also the Engineer? cut and other several derivations.

In short, to check out the latest in jeans, it? always best to visit the stores as manufacturers and retailers never run short of creating new names, cuts, color  and texture when all they?e selling is your basic jeans. That? because consumers have different tastes and budgets, but the top-of-the-line pair will cost you like  a month? paycheck or even more. Folks who love jeans will not hesitate to purchase a pair of Levi?, as jeans has catapulted itself from a laborer? trouser to pants that speak of some kind of affluence because they have become expensive.

Nevertheless, as people are paying more for the brand, the durability of jeans has never wavered. The favorite pair you?e been wearing three years ago is still intact and tough as ever. What has changed are the cost of some jean brands for low budgets, but do not have the durability of the genuine pair of jeans like Levi?, Lee or Wrangler.  Designer jeans have also evolved as their branding stems  from their other established categories that ventured later into the jean market. What differs now between brands is the way jeans are made in factories and the kind of fabric used in terms of comfort and style, while sometimes, the level of durability is pegged according to the cost involved of such fabrics.

(Source: Yahoo, The Practical Guide to Practically Everything/ Peter Bernstein and Christopher Ma/Random House, What? What/Reginald Bragonier, Jr. and David Fisher/Ballantine Books, New York and Britannica Micropedia Easy Reference)

?voiding Stereotypes in Relationships?
Brenda, 26, a flight stewardess, took on her job with great fervor after having been jobless for 6 months. A few months ago, she was reeling from the pangs of a failed relationship with her boyfriend. It took months to get over him, but what particularly made it difficult for her was that after they had become intimate for the first time, her boyfriend? nightly phone calls eventually turned into every three days, then once a week, once every two weeks, until for a little less than a month, he stopped calling.

It tortured Brenda for not knowing why her boyfriend left her without any explanation. However, in her new job, she grew more inspired and excited. It was the attention of this handsome pilot that made her look forward to flying on his plane that made her feel that she was in love again. Soon enough, their flights abroad allowed Brenda more time to get to know this man. He proposed one day and Brenda? pain from her old relationship disappeared overnight. She felt that his kisses rekindled love in her heart once more.

Alas, months after, she saw less and less of her pilot boyfriend. It was getting more difficult to catch him. He stopped paying attention to her because he was chartered to another route. Brenda felt that maybe he was just busy. But on her birthday, Brenda didn? get a call from her. She didn? hear him from again till the next holiday, but that was that. No matter how she begged him to stay over and over again, he couldn?.

Blanche, 33, a PR practioner, loved meeting people. Outgoing and aggressive, she attracted men who were challenged by her assertive nature. However, throughout the years, Blanche learned that men will leave you hanging in the air when things get more comfortable and stuffy. She demanded answers when her men were absent even when it was clear that they were no longer interested. Until she met Troy whose devotion was constant and unceasing.

No matter how Blanche pushed or pulled, as she always had with her old boyfriends, usually on their whereabouts, Troy was different from the rest. For the first time in her life, she met a man who wasn? afraid to live up to his responsibilities. He would go out of his way to tell Blanche where he was or if he? had to change his schedule. However, no matter how much Troy assured Blanche of his whereabouts, the only thing she felt lacking was that he had not officially declared that they had a relationship going. Blanche felt though that his constant presence spoke louder than the words she needed to hear. It was worth much more than the words she heard from her old boyfriends who never lived up theirs, she surmised.

Unfortunately, Blanche later found out that Troy was a married man, after all.  She was confused. Despite his constant availability, no wonder he could never profess on working out a commitment with her. Blanched pushed and pulled, no matter how disappointed she was to learn that he was attached. In the end, she lost Troy who could no longer bear her rage.

Brenda and Blanche seem to have gotten the same kind of men over and over again. No matter what lessons they learned from their old relationships, they seemed to attract the same kind of men.

How do you avoid getting involved with the stereotypes of your life? What are stereotypes in the first place?

Stereotypes were coined after movie roles where a type of actor fit into only one role. Anything different from that designated role was unthinkable and so they are typecast into single character roles that depict a certain character that most people generally perceive such a role to be. Like movie typecasts, we sometimes find ourselves seeking out partners who fit into a certain mode of our liking or dislike.

That is why we hear of women who like ?ad guys? They project some kind of toughness, rudeness, distance  or arrogance about them. Some women are attracted to such kind of men.

Then there are the ?eep, silent types? Women find them attractive because they don? reveal too much. They like the air of mystery these kinds of men carry about them. And when they are angry, they explode and reveal their viscous, potentially violent nature. Some women find this exciting and challenging. Isn? that ridiculous?

Then there are women who seek out dates who are doctors or lawyers. A banker or businessman is boring in their eyes. Anyone who doesn? carry an MD or Atty. to his name doesn? fall in their list, a very short one, indeed, of preferences.

No matter how we hide our preferences, or even make a conscious effort to avoid such stereotypes we need to be wary of but are prone to be attracted to, anyway, what is it about stereotypes that eludes our quest for a healthier love relationship? When is a stereotype harmful and when is it growth-oriented when we have one for a partner?

Jed Diamond, L.C.S.W., in his book, ?ooking For Love in All the Wrong Places/Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions?(Avon Books New York 1989), explains that ?bad relationships can be as addictive as drugs or alcohol. When you are continually drawn to the wrong partners?hen you seek anew love in order to feel whole, when you are terrified of losing someone yet afraid to get close, when you cannot survive without sex?hese are all symptoms of romantic and sexual addiction.?
Diamond further adds that in our search for an intimate partner, we are ?riven by the fears and desires that we acquired from the first great loves of our lives ?Mom and Dad.?
No matter how we look around it, we do repeat the same patterns in our childhood in our present adult life. We also find partners who evoke the same mixture of fear and hope that was present with our parents. Like all love addicts, we  hold the basic disbelief that we must be in constant search to hook up with someone in order to survive. Diamond concludes, ?hat the more we search for that needed other, the farther away we get from the source of our own redemption, ourselves.?
In this case, falling for same type of men and being addicted in the  relationship brings us no nearer to finding healthy love.

What we have is addictive love.

So if you tend to attract the same type of men and repeat old patterns for forthcoming disastrous conclusions, our love addiction is attached to the stereotype, including our sense of identity and need for wholeness.

What we need is to achieve healthy love. We need to get over the stages of the paradox of control. As Diamond puts it, our fear tells us that we must pursue and hold on in order to survive. However, the path to healthy love teaches us to trust ourselves to let go. We must learn to let go of controlling life even if we feel we are in the danger of losing it.

Much like the life of the late Janis Joplin, one of the 60s eminent rock singers, we must defeat the long held myth that ?oo much ain? enough!?as Joplin reverberated the airwaves in that glorious time of love and peace, not war.

Author David Dalton wrote in his biography of the star? love addiction that drove her to her death in his book, ?ieces of My Heart?(St. Martin? Press New York 1971), ?anis insisted on following the bright, colorblind, toenail party of love. Like the fantasy worlds of Gothic Romances and Coke commercials, her notion of love was of such excessive proportions,  so extreme and absurd, that it transcended not just the real world, but also any real possibility of satisfaction.?
There? more to getting attached to stereotypes in our life that determine our quest for healthy love. The fact is, we are often obscured by addictive love. Diamond, in his book, said that one American in 12 is addicted. And only one in 100 knows it. That figure came from over two decades ago. How much more are there love addicts today?

Diamond? work in the study of love addictions was significantly helpful to him when he adapted the 12-step approach of AA, A1- Anon, and other 12-step programs. Because beyond the bond we tie ourselves with within family stereotypes and later projecting that stuckness with similar others in our adult life, love addiction is the root cause of our inclination towards hooking up with unhealthy, repeated relationships and personalities.

We must seek first to make the distinction by what we know of healthy love versus addictive love. Then and only then can we give up our penchant for stereotypes.

To read up more on stereotypes, look up on literature in the Net that deals with addictive love and the widely applied 12-step program adapted in many areas of self-help and professional psychology practices today.

? True Love Story: Abelard and Heloise?
The greatest love stories are usually those with tragic endings and yet, the triumph of love poignantly tells you of true love that exists, after all. We only know of such love tales from Hollywood films and bestsellers, but one such love affair happened in the 12th century. It has been told many times over by soul-seekers who perhaps wonder if such stories do happen in real life.

Based on the autobiography by Abelard, passionate love letters exchanged hands between him and his lover, Heloise. This story is tragic, in the most intimate way you can imagine. At the height of their passion Abelard is castrated by Heloise's enraged uncle  and relatives. Then, in his shame and horror, to add separation and  waste to the recipe, Abelard orders Heloise into a nunnery, and becomes a monk himself.

Abelard and Heloise? love story began one fateful August in 1118 in the streets of a marketplace in Paris. Vendors and stallholders were selling pates and hot cakes, cheese and honey, grapes and loquats, amidst the steamy scent of animals mixed with the familiar aroma of food. Heloise is a seventeen year old girl. Beautiful, young, vibrant and intelligent, she is the apple of her Uncle Fulbert? eye. Uncle Fulbert is one of the canons of the cathedral and spoils Heloise like his own daughter. He would give her anything and Heloise succeeded in acquiring an education in philosophy. Educated in a convent, Heloise is often bantered by jongleurs of the streets and she slugs him with a fistful of references to poets which she quoted with relish with her rich knowledge of poetry.

The jongleur therefore suggests that she apply and become one of Abelard? students. Abelard is a well-respected theologian and is deemed as a medievel sex symbol by the ideal youth of this days. In Heloise? young, but curious mind, she often wondered and longed to discover the passion of love she often read in books, witnessing a pair of lovers along her path. Her idealism often brings her to a state of spring in her heart.

Meanwhile, in Abelard? class, his students are clad in dark habits, stuffed with too much study and singing among themselves. They revel in Abelard? superior mind, claiming him as the reigning champion of philosophical debate with mega-star status.

Being France in the 12th century, education was a privilege among the few. Intellectual jousting was proof that you are a well-bred and cultured person of stature. Even to make one copy of a book, even as to discuss the newly rediscovered ideas of the Greeks was a formidable task among young intellectuals, even dangerous, too, as some rattled the framework of the church and the state.

At this time, Abelard engaged in such deliberations and conjured himself up as the greatest philosopher alive, a modern Plato, and his students shared his opinion. He taught using the methods of Socrates. He doubted, asked questions, exposed dangerous contradictions.

But Abelard was at the top of his class and people at the top who often feel a little bored are led into temptation. Abelard had not taken his vows yet until later. He wasn't a priest or a monk. But as a teacher he was attached  to the cathedral school, and the church was the only place he could rise  to the top. There he might become an abbot, a bishop or even Pope, as three of his pupils did. But as a philosopher and teacher he was supposed to be above the desires of ordinary mortals. If he married, he was declared below standard. It would be his fall. He claimed later that he'd never had anything to do with a woman.

In a crowded room, Heloise and Abelard, 39, meet. Although he is tonsured and wears clerical gear, he looks pretty slick andspunky. He assumes this girl, Heloise,  will be a pushover. Heloise, twenty-two years younger, has no more doubts than he does about her ability to get what she wants. But Abelard takes the initiative, telling her that he? got all the world has to offer. He calls on to his servant, Drogo, to assist him to start things moving with Heloise.

But like every tall man in a top position, there are enemies that aim for their destruction. Alberic was Abelard's real-life enemy. He was once his envious fellow pupil and is now in competition with him as a teacher. When the students flock to Abelard from Alberic's own classes, and from all over Europe, he starts plotting. Alberic knows that Heloise will be Abelard? weakness, like an Eve holding the forbidden fruit for Abelard to eat, so he, like Adam, will fall.

Meanwhile, Drogo has been away talking to Fulbert, who thinks that if  Abelard comes to live with him, Heloise will get the education she wants. Drogo reports to Abelard and tells him all is set. Fulbert says that Abelard is welcome to live in his house as long as he uses his spare hours teaching Heloise, and to punish her if she doesn't hand in her assignments. Abelard is ecstatic and can hardly believe it. Drogo tries to give his master some advice about love, but Abelard is too involved preparing for Fulbert's welcoming dinner party to take any notice.

Soon, it is time for Heloise to bid farewell to her old teacher, Hirsinde, from the  convent at Argenteuil. Hirsinde is a cultured woman. She introduced Heloise to Latin love poetry and encouraged her confidence in her own ideas. After Hirsinde has untangled herself from Heloise's arms, her pupil tells her a secret.

That evening in a banquet at Fulbert's house, Fulbert encourages Heloise to show off her learning. He tells Abelard to hear her quoting poetry. Heloise obliges and the passages she chooses to quote are from Ovid's steamy love poetry. The occasion  rapidly changes into a flirtation. Fortunately, Fulbert is  so besotted with his niece he doesn't believe the evidence of his  senses. Fulbert tells Abelard that if he didn't know better, he? think his niece was flirting with Abelard. In spite of this, Fulbert is  willing to sign Heloise over to Abelard's care, and the deal, including the arrangement for Abelard to live with them, is done.

Meanwhile, in a poorer part of the Ile de la Cite, Drogo is calling to his girl, Maria to let him in. me in. Maria sells mulled wine at the market, but makes it clear to Drogo that when she marries she wants a farm, something beyond the means of a mere servant. She is, however too generous-hearted to reject him completely. Alberic, the villain is busy shouting to his followers to raise the flare. He makes Drogo an offer he can't refuse. Drogo is to help them protect his master, Abelard, from his enemies by supplying Alberic with information about what Abelard does with Heloise. Alberic will give Drogo money to win Maria's favor. Alberic reveals himself as a wonderfully neurotic blend of sexual guilt and envy, determined to save the lovers from their sexuality by cutting Abelard down to size. Drogo reports back to Maria and tells that he has the money. The promise of it is enough for Drogo to earn a little affection on credit.

After the banquet, Heloise is in her bedroom, undressing. Hirsinde is chattering on about Abelard and senses a slight unease at Heloise's pensive mood. Then she realises Heloise is in love, and issues some gentle warnings, suggesting that she not give all her heart. She's in a dreamy, melancholic, confused state, which Hirsinde informs her is love. Heloise tells her old teacher that her hands  quiver, and with some misgiving allows her passion to run away with her mind.

At one point, Heloise dares to enter Abelard? room, finding it empt, only to be caught by him. She apologizes, asks him to forgive her for the intrusion  and that they settle down to a discussion of ethics. Heloise asks Abelard  provocatively if it is a sin if a woman sees a man and wants to have him. Heloise and Abelard disagree, but the impression given by both is of moral liberation. They agree that as as long as a person's intention is pure, what they actually do is not sinful. Heloise establishes intellectual and emotional dominance by her sharp intelligence and bold sexuality.

In early September 1118, Abelard rushes in late for a lecture and is questions by a student for his tardiness. This starts some general gossip about their teacher's neglect of his duties. And do the word is out, that he's been seen with a girl. His students can? believe it, that their Plato should be ruled by desire like ordinary mortals.

But Heloise and Abelard pursue their passion. The weather is still hot and stormy. Both lovers say  that they cannot believe what they?e feeling. Both realize the peril of their situation, but can't help themselves. Their physical love is so intense they  feel it has broken through to the spiritual level. They go to bed, to be interrupted by Fulbert bursting through the door, capturing Abelard, and  asking Heloise  if it was academics they were discussing, with Abelard? hands all over her. Heloise argues that her intention is pure and is therefore, innocent.  Fulbert insists the lovers be wed to preserve his honor, but she refuses, saying she would rather be Abelard's whore than destroy him by  marriage.

In April 1119, Drogo notes that spring has come. He has news for Maria. Heloise is pregnant. Maria has news for him. So is she. It's just as well that Alberic will be willing to pay good money for Drogo's espionage.

In July 1119, Abelard finds himself lost and confused. He has sent Heloise to  Brittany where  she can give birth to the baby and call Peter Astrolabe. He will be brought  up by Abelard's sister. Now Abelard believes Fulbert's men are out to 
kill him. He decides that he will offer to marry Heloise, but secretly. That way, Fulbert will be satisfied and his own reputation will be  unscathed. Marriage will also stop Heloise from wandering, now that she knows a  thing or two. Heloise returns from Brittany and manages to find him, asking Abelard to explain his plan., but she doesn't believe Fulbert  will be satisfied by a secret marriage. Abelard insists, and she  finally agrees, but with foreboding.

In August 1119, Abelard and Heloise are secretly married in the presence of a few friends and enemies. The couple see in the eyes of  the Virgin, the presence of a primitive force that is the potentially destructive power of human love. In spite of this, they take solemn vows to cherish, love, and worship one another with their bodies as long as  they live.

Fulbert discovers that Heloise has gone. Then Drogo informs Alberic that Abelard has put her in a nunnery to protect her from Fulbert. While Fulbert has publicly announced the marriage, Heloise has denied it, making her uncle furious. Alberic takes the opportunity to sting him with the belief that now Abelard has had his way, he is to discard her. Tormented by Alberic, Fulbert develops the terrible intention to take away from him the part of Abelard's body that did the damage.

While Abelard is asleep in his room that night, Drogo opens the door to the plotters, who spread Abelard's arms and legs and emasculate him, taking everything. The whole town talks, giving their own account of Abelard? fate, saying that he just got  what he deserved.

Since, his emasculation, Heloise visits Abelard for the first time and tells him that she still love him now, more than ever. Abelard is filled with shame and  confusion, and cannot bear to have her touch him, and is motivated by possessiveness and a sense of having nothing left to offer her, so he orders her to enter a nunnery. When she has done this, he says he will become a monk. Heloise cannot see how she can become the bride of Christ while the husband she loves is still alive, but finally, she very reluctantly agrees.

For taking part in this espionage, Drogo rushes into Maria? house to hide him. He is being pursued by the guard for his part in the plot on Abelard. With Maria's help, he evades capture, but is repentant and thinks he should throw the 
blood money away. Maria has other ideas.

In December 1119, Heloise is urged by Abelard and the congregation to become the bride of Christ at the nunnery of Argenteuil. She is furious, and gives herself over again to Abelard as his human bride, leaving her being open only to him. At the same time Abelard is retreating into the Latin of the profession service at the  monastery at St Denis, deserting her, and telling her to look to Christ to be  her husband. When they shear off Heloise's hair she feels they are robbing her of beauty in the same way they robbed Abelard of his manhood.
 
Heloise eventually adjusts to the role of a nun with apparent calmness, her face often lit with a secret smile. Abelard continues to be furiously active by reading, writing, and teaching. His students praise  Abelard's delight in teaching even though he's now an Abbot, but Alberic has  provoked the townspeople to stone him.

Drunk on spiritual excitement, the people surround Abelard, telling him that he must feel God's love now. His enemies have caught up with him, at last, and he must face trial. Alberic accuses Abelard of heresy, forcing him to burn his book of theology. . His book of theology holds all the love he can give her. This hurts him more deeply than his physical injury had done.

While Heloise is in her study at Le Paraclet, the nunnery that Abelard has  given her, she hears of Abelard's condemnation at the heresy trial.  She is reading one of his letters, in which he says he is in mortal  danger. She reveals that she still has strong physical longings for him. A messenger arrives at the door with another letter, this time from the  Abbot of Cluny. She realises that it contains news of Abelard's death.

The story ends with memories of her feelings when they were lovers,  desire for his touch, and the belief in his continued existence while she is  alive: That she will never be dead to him, not as long as he lives and sees her and all they did in his mind's eye. Physical love has been changed by its  intensity into something much more mysterious and timeless.

Heloise was a highly educated young woman when her legendary  correspondence with the philosopher Peter Abelard began. Peter the Venerable  stated, upon the occasion of Abelard's death, that Heloise was a woman  "wholly devoted to philosophy in the true sense," who "left logic for the  Gospel, Plato for Christ and the academy for the cloister."

Heloise demonstrated in her letters that she was well versed in the  argument skills of the logicians. She probably partook in many of the  debates on her lover's  philosophy, namely his questions of nominalism  versus realism. She left no other published materials besides her letters to Abelard.  Heloise was probably educated by Fulbert, her uncle, in Paris. By the  age of 18 she was Abelard's student. Following Abelard's castration  Heloise entered the convent at Arguenteil, and they did not meet for 10  years, until they began the Benedictine House of the Paraclete.

Heloise led her convent as Abbess of the convent of Paraclete, Nogent,  France, until the time of her death in 1164. She was buried next to  Abelard at Paraclete.

?hen to Date After a Big Break Up?
Yesterday, Richard broke up with you. His parting words keep ringing in your ears. Your heart is aching and those words are just driving you nuts. So you call your friends, hoping for some cheer. A good shoulder to cry on is a rare find and so one of your friends suggest that you go out on a date.

Is it the right time?

There are no right or wrong rules on why you should go out on a date even after coming fresh from a break-up. It depends on what you want. So figure out a list of reasons on why you should go out on a date.

Next, finding the real reason why you should meet a new guy is the key. But first things first, here are valid reasons on why it? alright to go on a date after your heart just broke.

You want to have a great conversation with a new, nice male friend.
Going out on a date isn? always about romance. Men and women just simply get together and have some fun if they want to meet more new friends. After yesterday? parting shots from Richard, you asked your friend to set you up with an upbeat, funny guy who? easy to get along with.

Your friend was right. While your heart is breaking, Steve? jokes about his own sad love affairs are hilarious. You?e lucky to find a new friend who? charmingly self-deprecating and yet, he can understand where you?e coming from. Not too many guys want to hear a girl? sob stories. Not many of them have the patience. But if you?e got a new male friend who? been there, that? not such bad company.

However, here? the next reason on why you should go out on a date after a break-up. It? the kind of reason that will give you trouble.

You want to fall in love again. 
This spells big trouble. It? just not possible to fall for a guy with the right frame of mind when you just broke up with your boyfriend recently. But if your date is a tall, dark and handsome guy, you just might fall for the wrong reasons. And when you do, beware. it ain? love, honey. You?e on the rebound. Sure, you feel

fuzzy, your knight in shining armor? come to the rescue, you?e finally found true love, at last.  But give it time and you?l see, your feelings of despair and rejection were simply transferred to another person. And when the walls come tumbling down because your knight is looking elsewhere all of a sudden, don? think that it? true love you?e losing again.

You see, commitment goes a long, long way and it takes so much more than to have someone to lean on. And when you do lean much too much, your loves story turns into a nightmare. Misery does love company but it certainly isn? the best reason on why you should believe good love is in tow.

For starters, you?e got a good Samaritan for a lover but not the kind who?l have forever with you. Time will let you know if you?e right for each other. Meanwhile, enjoy the attention and the comfort, but keep a good head on your shoulders so you won? fall flat on your feet. Be careful.

Instead of wallowing, you need the romance. 
	That new date is romantic, but that? just it ?it? plain romancing. That? because you?e not about to stay stuck in your room, soaking your pillows wet. You want to get out, go to cozy, nice spot and have some new, handsome gentleman romance you. If you can afford an escort, why not?

Meanwhile, you must allow yourself time to grieve. If you?e just the kind who hops from one relationship to another without giving yourself time to mourn, the next guy who comes around will have to deal with your excess baggage. And you?l be back in hell from where you left off.

It? always good to balance your time for grieving with a little fun. But there? no need to take the romance seriously. You?e just on a break, trying to move on with your life and meeting new people.

Meanwhile, just be careful about the people you go out with. You?e much too vulnerable at this point and might end up hanging out with dates who will take advantage of you. It? best to rely on your old friends for company or for references rather than meet a stranger who introduces himself in a bar.

But if you?e tough and can afford a heady romance, go ahead. But make sure

it? nothing permanent. Many things can go wrong. You need to be prepared for surprises nor can you expect anything in return. But if it? plain, decent romance, you?e entitled to it.

You want to feel pretty and upbeat again. 
A broken heart has really tricky way of beating our self-esteem. There will be days when you?l look awful. Chips, movies, junk food, cigarettes, alcohol provide you temporary relief. Well, go binge for now. And while you?e at it, why not pamper yourself at the same time?

If the only reason why you want to date after a break-up is because you want to go to the latest watering hole, want to rub elbows, be seen in a crowd, get dressed up, feel you?e part of something big going on, why not?

You?e just looking for opportunities to expand your world and that? not a bad thing at all. While mending a broken-heart, if you?e got the means to hang out in high-profile spots, do so. You might meet your next new boss, a prospective client, people in your field. And you?e doing it in style. If it makes you feel good, go ahead.

You?e given yourself time.
There? no telling when your heart is ready to seriously date again. But it? best to first be able to come to terms with your past. How will you know?

You can talk about your old affair with humor. 
Lessons will be learned and unlearned. Or even not yet learned. But the idea is that we are able to laugh at them. Other people will never be in the right position to judge when you?e ready. Only you have the right to know and only you will know the real score. One of the good signs of knowing is that talking about it in jest makes you laugh. It? not nervous laughter just to feel part of a conversation. You?l know what kind of laughter comes from your gut because it feels good to laugh.

When you?e done with the tears, processing your feelings, the dynamic of what transpired and where you think are now in your life, the laughter also comes because it is accompanied with forgiveness. Forgiveness for the wrong done to you, betrayal and of broken promises. But most of all, forgiveness for  yourself. Forgiving yourself is telling yourself like it is without having to justify your feelings with others. When you are no longer afraid to admit where you went wrong because you realized that you weren? being fair to yourself, that? forgiving yourself.

Pat yourself in the back and keep on dating when this wonderful moment arrives. If you?e able to stay afloat, not be swept away by the new romance and simply having fun, you can now consider taking yourself on a new level of seriously dating again. Before you do, you will have studied all your options made available to you. You will be in the best position to recognize what kind of new relationship will resonate with your values. Good luck and may your new love be blessed.

?ow to Deal With Hate Mail?
What is mail sent by an anonymous sender who that throw all his misplaced hate, dirty words and accusations at you? It? called hate mail.

With over 900 million electronic mails sent everyday around the world through the Internet, how much hate mail do we get? Depending on the privacy of our personal email addresses and the organizations or causes we are affiliated with or espouse, how can we avoid getting hate mails?

We can?.

Because somewhere around the world, someone or a group of persons disagree with our opinions or beliefs. There are many issues that become issues of contention among passionate activists, political figures and individuals of influence or even ordinary citizens who receive hate mail everyday. Even giant international publications such as Time Magazine and Newsweek get hate mail everyday through the Internet or through post mail. Even the traditional snail-paced mail envelope is filled with anthrax, a deadly strain of virus that can inflict harm on the health of the receiver who is in contact with the envelope.

Why is hate mail so rampant these days?

Even private citizens receive anonymous hate mail for reasons unknown to them? How do we avoid this?

We simply ignore them.

But what if hate mail hits home? What if it threatens the security of our family members and those we love? What if details in the hate mail indicate some kind of familiarity of our whereabouts and private activities?

What do we then?

When such mail enters our inbox, we must not respond to it. We must not  delete it either. Instead, we must contact the proper authorities and inform them that someone is threatening the safety of your home. Save it in a diskette and keep a print-out. Send it to friends who might know who might be suspect to such crime.

For hate mail is harassment and an intrusion into your privacy. 
For the lack of security and privacy laws in our country today with regards to information technology, anyone is vulnerable to such attacks. It come from anywhere and from anyone who either has an old grudge, who has a score to make or who is also even drug-crazed and alcohol-influenced.

If such hate mail persists, you can request your local police to respond to the sender. However, you must leave it up to them to decide first if this is the wise action to take. There are other safety measures the police must take to monitor the threat such as surveillance around your neighborhood for suspicious looking persons. Ask your barangay leader to make ?onda trips?around your neighborhood and street especially in the mornings when everyone if off to work and late at night. 
 
For extreme cases when hate mail becomes more viscous and is acted out at the doorstep of your home, avail of an ID caller unit that traces the phone number of the anonymous caller. Keep a Hotline Number of your nearest police station in the neighborhood.

There are also cases when people who have been harassed ask computer experts to trace the return path of the sender. With software available for such purposes, there are also trained professionals who can tap into the sender? account information. If such information is retrieved successfully, you must ask the assistance of the local authorities and lawyet to look into the matter.

Other hate mails include attacks on certain issues that you are probably affiliated with. In the UK alone, most hate mail are about issues on racism, where racial prejudice against Asians is high. With recent violent clashes  last year in the UK between South Asian and British youths, hate mail has served as one of those weapons in creating an atmosphere of hatered and fear.

Since the 9/11 incident in New York, post offices have also been on the alert for envelopes that may contain anthrax. If you are a likely victim of such attacks, do not open your postbox. You can determine suspicious-looking mail when there are powdery forms inside the envelope. If such incident happens, report this immediately to the police.

For email that continues to threaten your piece of mind because the details of which come close to home, be unpredictable about your schedule. Make sure you are not followed home and inform the village security that you suspect some persons are threatening you. 
While it may be an overeaction on your part, it is always better to be safe than sorry. Small measures taken as early as today can help us anticipate any incidents and avoid further abuse.

Bid your time and wait. Remember to never respond to such email. Just keep them in a folder in your email account. If such email decreases in entering your inbox, it most likely means that you are of the recipients who receives the same generic hate mail that other persons do from around the world. But if the hate mail continues to detail your whereabouts and private activities, the only logical action you can take is to have the proper authorities look into this.

Have your lawyer look into the possible angles of such persistent hate mails that appear to accurate detail your private on-goings. Perhaps it is a disgruntled employee or a friend. Who in your list may have a motive? Write the names of such persons in a list give them to your lawyer and the police. Do no tell members outside your family about this. If you can keep this between you and your spouse, better. Share this with him or her and make sure your children do not hang out late out night without letting you know where they are. Have them keep a cellphone in case of emeregency.

Meanwhile, go about your everyday life as best as you can. For all you know, the hate mail sender only wishes to disturb your peace of mind. Do not let him. If he is just out to pester you, do not respond at all because that is exactly what he wants you to do. And when you do, you give him the power to control your life and everything else may become more viscous. For the only way to avoid such hate is to wait and ignore them, no matter how accurate the details in the hate mail. You must begin each day to restore order in your life and make amends even in a friendly, subtle way with persons you must have offended unwittingly.

For all it ever it, hate mail is misplaced hate and anger by the sender who cannot deal with his own troubles. His recipient is his easiest target because he is unable to address his unpleasant situation logically and squarely. It is a sign of cowardice.

These days when life is much harder, many people are unable to cope with retrenchment. And when that happens, their sense of normalcy is put to a sudden halt and it affects every aspect of their lives.  Most hate mails come from disgruntled, unemployed persons who suffered such a loss. Hate mails become their only outlet, ?hough unwise and unfair for the welfare of your family. Meanwhile, pray for his healing and well-being.

?ow to Deal With Temptation?
Have you ever been tempted to eat sweets you?e not supposed to have before dinner? Has someone? smoking increased your desire to get back to smoking when you?e trying to quit? Have you tried to resist going on a shopping spree again but that great-looking pair of shoes still sits by the window?

Temptation is an age-old human condition. Just as Eve was said to have seduced Adam into taking a bite out of the forbidden fruit, thereby, tossing all of humankind into perpetual sin rather than of sainthood, no one ever points the finger at the snake who first tempted the woman at the Garden of Eden. Jesus Christ was also tempted by the devil who promised that He give up His throne in exchange for all the riches and kingdoms in the world.

To be tempted means you are enticed to do wrong by promise of pleasure or gain; when you are induced, seduced or incited to do something.

You see, many of us blame the seductive woman, the cunning swindler, the smooth-talking salesman, the glib TV commercial, for tempting all of us to do things we?e not supposed to do.

What we have always failed to recognize is that temptation lurks in the deep recesses of our minds filled with insatiable appetite for desire and pleasure. The characters who role-play the seductive script in our lives are merely conniving partners of your hidden desires, whether repressed, in denial or tossed into lost memory.  The real temptress is YOU and your mind.

How many philandering spouses have always blamed the ?ther woman? How many obese folks have always fallen prey to the hundreds of chocolate bars on display? How many young men and women have succumbed to illegal drugs in the company of their peers? And what of those folks who fail to have an opinion because a salesman loves to manipulate by putting words into their mouth?  Or what about the shopaholic who only looks forward to pay day?

The problem with today? society is the growing expertise of so-called victims of  temptation to pass blame when, in fact, we have it our very own power to make the right decisions.

So what do you do about the philandering husband who keeps blaming sexy women when he loves to hop into the bar? Or the young kids who spend their free time hanging out with juvenile company engaged in alcohol and drugs?    Meanwhile, the obese woman? fridge is never empty or the passive person simply nods to every word that the smooth-talking salesman says. And the shopaholic keeps a watchful eye on the next sale.

And we blame others when we are tempted? Isn? that ridiculous?

Recognize that you make your own decisions. 
	The first step in dealing with temptation is recognizing that you are solely responsible for all the decisions you make. Temptation will always be around. It? the real world, for goodness sake. Changes are happening so fast in society today that people are coping in good or bad ways. The environment we choose to live in  may sometimes leave us little choice to get out of --moving out of the neighborhood doesn? come cheap these days. But the way we respond to that environment is the first step we can do to avoid giving in to temptation.

Feelings will over-ride your judgement in the face of temptation. Get a grip on your feelings. 
	To get past it before it takes you in, you must accept the fact that whenever  you encounter temptation, there is first of all, an assault on the  standards you have set for yourself. There is the nagging feeling, "Why not?  What difference will it make if I do this thing?"  In such moments, it is much harder to remember the good reasons why you made a responsible choice. Feelings take over and judgment takes a back seat.

Temptation is never what it projects itself to be. Don? fall for it. 
The next thing that temptation tries to promise is something it can't deliver to  make you happy and fulfilled. This is like the devil offering Jesus all the kingdoms of the world if He would fall down and worship him. But the devil was actually lying  because those things were not his to give. While there may be a momentary pleasure and gratification, there can be no real long-term fulfillment when a person transgresses against personal standards or God's laws.

Remember that temptation never presents itself in its true form. We are  never tempted by something which clearly is wrong, ugly, mean or unworthy.  Of course not! That? the reason why temptation is very difficult to resist. It looks superb, tastes delightful, feels right, seems promising and all those conjectures we invent in our minds when temptation stares at us.

Know your standards, set them and follow them.
Temptation manages to twist things to make them appear somehow attractive and  acceptable. We are made to feel that somehow this experience qualifies as an  exception, that our standards do not apply in this instance, that we are justified in making a wrong choice. When this happens, decide ahead of time what you will or will not do. This means not waiting until the pressure of a heated moment to have to make a decision.  If your standards are clear-cut to you, you can always rise to the occasion to defend them. A husband who regards intelligence with high value may view a sultry woman staring at him as an invitation to have an affair. But if he knows that beneath the woman? exterior is a head made of air, his standards will tell him that he cannot go down that level. He makes that decision to ignore.

The adolescent who knows that he grew up in a balanced family will recognize what it? like to stay in one. He can grow to dislike the company of other teen-agers who do not measure up to his understanding of what it means to be with family rather than hang out in the streets. An obese woman finally reads up on health and builds her self-esteem when she discovers that food isn? going to dominate her life and put her health in danger. The passive person finally recognizes that the fast-talking salesman is way below his view of  a person of  integrity when he decides to put his foot down or simply ignores words that aren? his about a product he doesn? believe in. The shopaholic has taken stock of her real needs and future by saving up rather than wait for the next round of bargains.

By recognizing your standards and placing them on higher value all the time, temptation becomes irrelevant and useless.  This is giving power to yourself above all things, persons, situations and events that pretend to put you on higher ground or surround you with astounding pleasure, but are bound to bring you to your ruin if you keep giving in.

Fill your life with good. 
This makes less room for the things which can you cause you distress. Temptation can be bothersome; it can cause you to worry, doubt your capabilities, make you feel sorry for yourself, build your anger or simply distract you from yourself and your standards. In the event that when temptation is coming to steal your attention away from yourself, surround yourself in an environment that speaks of your values and the things that make you feel safe and good.

There? nothing wrong with keeping a prayer book, rosary or bible in handy. Or a phone call away from an understanding relative. The scent of fresh flowers or a window that? wide open for the sun to come shining in. Temptation can easily lure you into a world of unimagined delight, pleasure and high but if you seek peace of mind rather than the inner turmoil that temptation brings, bring all that is natural and good into your life, including that list of standards and values you have set for  yourself.

When the so-called gifts of temptation come, grace is your better and blessed alternative. 
Grace operates on two  levels. First, it strengthens you in temptation. Second, grace  brings forgiveness  and redemption in times of falling away. You may be overcome momentarily by  temptation, but you do not have to be immobilized by it. 
The trick is not to be preoccupied with having to resist temptation that it stops you from moving on with your life. The good things in life, the higher power in ourselves offer the hope of  a new start and new strength to grow and mature.

.

?ow Not to Be a People-Pleaser?
Have you often found yourself helping people but feel short-changed? Has you assistance made you feel worse, not better? Do you feel the need to agree to accommodate every request made of you?

In other words, are you the kind who just can? say no?

Claire, 27, a nurse, is a helpful and generous person by nature. She? good at her job and has been commended many times. However, her grueling schedule over the years took a toll on her health. And when she needs to rest instead of spending more time talking to her patients, she just stays over at the hospital longer than usual. In the long-run, she got so exhausted that her cheerful nature has turned her into a noisy complainant among her colleagues. What they can? figure out is why she still does what she does, beyond her calling.

If you?e the kind, let? think of the reasons why you are driven to say yes, instead of no.

You?e afraid to lose your friends. 
	Sometimes a let-down really hurts people in need. It? those times when you?e the only one they can run to and yet, you?e unable to help. If you?e helped them many times before, it shouldn? mean that turning them away this time will mean losing them.

On the other hand, if they?e your friends, they must be able to have some  allowance when you refuse. They ought to remember that you helped them in the past and that should serve some merit. True friends should be able to understand your limitations. But do not fret. There are ways to refuse without making putting the friendship down.

You feel guilty when you refuse. 
	Guilt is the one thing you must free yourself from. Even if your feelings are valid and that you are often in a better position to be of help, there are just times when you are too tied down. Refusing doesn? make you a bad person. There are tips on how you can be of help in other ways. What will give you reason to be reasonably guilty is to refuse pointblank without providing useful alternatives.

You?e always looking for approval. 
	Some people are motivated for going out of their way always. If their self-esteem is low, they tend to seek the approval of others by doing more. Many workaholics are always driven by the need to be successful because when they win approval from their peers, they feel good. But if other aspects of their lives suffer and that priorities have been sidetracked many times over because of the huge need for approval, their self concept becomes meshed with doing more for others rather than placing their priorities in good stead.

If the need for approval disrupts normal lives that require equal attention, neglect poses a problem itself and creates havoc. In return, those who are affected by your need for approval outside your place of priorities will return the fire with fire because of built-up resentment. It is a cycle that turns nowhere else but on blame and guilt-throwing.

Recognizing that your priorities have been misplaced and are causing disharmony will become a very unpleasant experience for all, including yourself. And when this is the case, your need for approval grows and will find a way out of a situation that disapproves of your ways already. Meanwhile, as you escape from the rancor and noise, the outside world becomes your place of refuge and acceptance because things at home become unmanageable and you feel the lack of support. That people at home are reigning you in. It is just a reaction to what caused disharmony in the first place. Unless you are able to differentiate your identity with the need for approval, this is like a gaping wound that grows deeper and make it more difficult for you free yourself.

Hence, there are ways to have a balanced life by being able to say no and yet feel sympathetic to people those in need. Follow these tips:

Put it on an impersonal basis. 
Friends are the hardest to refuse when you are comfortable and chummy with them. But when the time comes when you need to say no, tell them that 
you?e simply got rules that apply to everyone. Beyond telling them your rules, 
state what unpleasant circumstances made you make those rules over time and aren? ready to agree again. Do this politely and firmly.

Make it clear that you would like to say yes.
Do not refuse right away. By affirming one part of the story but explaining that your hands are tied, it gives people the chance to know that you?e not a hard person.

Show that you?e given the request real thought. 
Listen and tell people that you want to agree but at least need a day or two, even weeks to decide. The brush-off causes resentment.

Say no by helping the person say no to himself.
If a person is helpless and is pressuring you to help him but you?e unable to, study the situation with him and point out some alternatives that will help him get off the hook. There are many situations that push people to get a yes because of a persistent problem. Help them solve that problem. That way, they won? feel that no one is on their side.

In saying no, show what needs to be done to get a yes.
Help by becoming a problem-solver to the person in need. Not many people know who else to turn to when you happen to be their only friend. By making thoughtful suggestions, you empower them with solutions instead of making them depend solely on you when you?e unable to assist or say yes.

Say no by showing that the request isn? reasonable. 
Ask questions that may turn up circumstances that give you a legitimate excuse for saying no. This gives you time to think up a refusal while painting a broader picture of the problem. Questions invite many hidden, difficult areas to be laid out into the open. By subscribing to this approach, your friend will be able to see your inability to say yes from your perspective and not just from his.

Most importantly, say your no in the nicest, warmest way you can
Refusing in an angry manner only puts your friend on the defensive and this will back-fire. When this happens, you will be bound by guilt and will tend to say yes. By saying your sweetest no, your friend will be shy enough not to push. Play it cool by not just reacting with impatience. It will place you in a situation you can? get yourself out in when emotional demands start to break loose. A little charm never did any harm.

?ow to Build Your Confidence?
Confidence is a feeling of self worth that lets you do or accomplish anything you do with ease, fun and no worry.

How many times have we felt confident? How many have we felt we lost it? Losing our confidence happens to anybody. But it doesn? mean you never had it.

If you notice how a shy child seems afriad to speak up in class, it really doesn? mean she has any confidence at all. It only means that at that given moment and situation, she doesn? have the confidence to speak up before her teacher and classmates. But follow her home and you will see the wonder child that she really is. She is attentive to her house chores, takes  care of your baby brother and plays gleefully with her best friend next door.

In case you are in a situation where you feel you don? have the confidence to live up to it, it only means that is the area or task you must buckle down to. It means you have to work at it. No one person was ever born without the birthright to self expression and empowerment. What makes him described by himself and others as a person with poor self confidence is unfair to himself and to those who count oh him. Every person is worthy of praise, not let-downs, belittlement and criticism.

To help re-build a person? confidence, including yourself, do the following:

Make a list of things you enjoy doing. 
If it? a game of chess, soccer or puzzles, include that in your list. If it? playing with friends, talking with a few close cousins, sketching, gardening, making yourself look pretty and nice, dancing, playing the piano, put that in your list.

Make a list of things you hate doing, but have to do, anyway. 
There? that dreadful Math homework. Reciting a poem in front of a crowd. Speaking in public. Having your picture taken. Riding the bus home. Filling out forms.

Ask your friends what they like doing. Match it with your list.
In building confidence, we need the help of good friends who mirror our aspirations and uplist our souls. By making a fun list that we can compare with theirs, we can also discover things about ourselves but paid very little attention to. It in these areas where, when confronted to perform or deal with them that our confidence is marred.

Building confidence is a matter of working at things we don? feel confident about by doing them with fun.
It always begins with our feelings of unease. Sometimes, no matter how good we are in doing certain things, we sometimes feel unworthy. But to get on with the task of building confidence, the lack of it is usually associated with certain things or situations that test it. If it? a Math, as for the help of a tutor. If it? public-speaking, practice your speech in front of trusted friends or the mirror. If it? singing on stage, do it in the bathroom.

Learn not take yourself seriously whenever you make a mistake. Laugh when you make a slip. Jump when your tongue is tied. Clap when you can? move. Do anything out of the conventional that makes you wake up to the reality that whatever it is you?e trying to accomplish and need lots of room to work on it, you?e still a very okay person.

Avoid people who belittle you. Keep busy at improving yourself. 
Confidence is about approval yourself and not seeking approval from others. Those who continue to put you down no matter how hard you try are unworthy of your attention. What you need to pay more attention to is getting the feel of things you?e working at, bring down the unease and patting yourself in the back one day at a time.

If you cannot avoid being in the way of those who belittle you, gravitate more towards those who don? judge you. 
Why must our quest for self empowerment and improvement be obstructed by those who have nothing better to do than to carelessly put you down? Instead, we must think our time is valuable here on earth and that everyone is worthy of himself because he give it to himself.

No matter how people criticize you unfairly, the only thing that will matter in this world is your approval. If you give your consent to be upset by those who don? need in your life, you will surely allow them to hold you in their power. Do not be bogged down by what they say. Learn to ignore their banter. Instead, give yourself the pep talk you need. Everyday, tell yourself, ? am lovable, special and good.?
Self affirmation builds self confidence. 
If we ourselves and other allow to put us down, we can certainly lift our souls as well. We just need to give ourselves permission to do so.

Begin with small steps.
When you wake up each, begin it with a smile. Comb your hair, take a nice hot shower, drink your milk, stretch. Allow the good things in life to come your way in abundance. For the world is filled with good that we only need to take with open hands. Every little good is ours to deserve.

A grateful heart builds confidence. 
How often have we thanked family and friends who helped us? Who showed us kindness and thoughtfulness? For every little thing we thank for, we open ourselves to a whole new world of awareness for what is good. Our level of absorbing what is good becomes more sensitive to what is pure, good and kind. And when we utter our thanks in prayer, we feel good about our lives and ourselves. With these good feelings, we become more attentive to them. Therefore, the self-defeating thoughts and troublesome situations we have turned into good thoughts bring us a sense of gratitude that is healthy for our well-being.

A grateful heart brings grace in the words we speak and in what we do. 
No matter how unconfident we are about solving a difficult problem, and if we take it upon ourselves to improving our skills in problem-areas, we must be thankful for the opportunities that help us improve ourselves. Gratitude must be a conscious habit. And when we are grateful, we ease our troubled hearts and allow life to take its course knowing we keep doing our best. And when we follow that consciously for every rain of thought and every action we take responsibility for, we become graceful in every situation, until problem-areas when confronted once again, become less threatening.

Hence, a grateful heart leaves us little room to pay attention to our unease and the banter of others. When this is so, we can continue to move on and improving ourselves everyday. Give thanks!

?ow to Strengthen Your Faith?
Millions of years in the history of mankind have seen many changes in how Man has lived from primal tribesman to an industrial revolutionizer, from stone-age survivor to space engineer, from mountain illiterate to a well-travelled man of the world. But as author Karen Armstrong put it in her book, ? History of God? Ballentine Books, New York, ?he study of the history of religion has revealed that human beings are spiritual animals.?
	She further described  that ?an started to worship gods as soon as they became recognizably human as  they created religions at the same time they created works of art.?
	For indeed, our early faiths in human history reveal an expression of the wonder and mystery that are an essential part of the human experience of this beautiful yet terrifying world. We have, for ages, been attempting to find value and meaning in life in our suffering and joy, and that the practice of religion that is the spiritual engine that fuels the in a Supreme Being who watches over us, continues to struggle in our attempt to keep the faith.

Jonah, 29, had been a skeptic not far too long ago. Despite having been brought up in a conservative, Catholic school, she had felt that her faith was fed upon her at birth. That whatever was good was rewarded and that evil was to be condemned and punished. And so she did live as a decent daughter and assumed her role as a young working professional after college in good stead. Her life was simple and predictable; she seemed happy and content but at some point felt that it was time to settle down. And like many average women, she found a good husband and bore two young children. But who knew that until last year that her youngest son was to be diagnosed with cancer?
	
And so the inevitable question is asked, ?hat did my child do so wrong to deserve this??Hence, everything she learned from her mother and school about God? compassion and love came into question. She grew bitter. Her faith was crumbling; that, indeed, no amount of good you do is guarantee that your life will be okay always.

Josephine? faith was on edge, as well, as she confided in Jonah about her troubles, too. Being best friends through the years, they saw through difficult times together but these were not enough to put their lives into disarray until recently. Josephine? present crisis concerned the closure of her non-government organization that helped homeless children. She, too, felt, ?What did these children do to lose the home I provided them with??
It has been said many times that sometimes Gods put us to the test if only to return to Him. How many people have questioned this, declaring that a loving father cannot be  egotistic so as to put his children through trials and mark their losses if only to come back to his loving arms.

But faith, no matter how nebulous and challenged it is for far too many times, is indeed, a wealth  of countless possibilities for those who have it, and an empty well for those who do not have it. For what, indeed, is faith?

Faith is believing that all is good, no matter how much conflict there is in the world today, how millions of families are displaced in war-torn countries,  generations of hungry children lost in the streets, or  the future of promising men and women whose  limbs have been cut-off and dismembered for walking into land mines all over the world. There are countless stories of human woes, enough for us to lose our faith. And there are countless stories of human courage and compassion  as well to keep it.

Like Jonah and Josephine, who have yet to come to terms with their troubles and losses, are struggling in their faith, that there is indeed, a loving God, who will take care of things in His good time. But how? How do you strengthen your faith when you are the point of questioning its goodness?

1. Get to know more about God? loving ways. 
	While we are limited with our human understanding of God, as spiritual seekers, we must make attempts to listen to countless stories of God? love happening to the friends we know, world events that helped improve things ?any good story that tells of a faith that has been put to a test. Even if the Bible provides us many stories of God? infinite love, we want to get back down to earth and look at our present day realities. And when we do, what happens? If we are to focus on the misery of our surroundings, the failures of our experiences and that of others, witholding the other side of what is good, our faith will not seek light.

For faith is only believing in what is good despite the blackness and uncertainty that clouds or  obstructs our aspirations and dreams.

2. Our thoughts manifest themselves.
	Faith is not merely an isolated belief in one Supreme Being who will take care of things no matter how troubled we are. As God? creation, we are created in His own image and likeness. He has gifted us with free will to make the right choices.

We are co-creators as well.

Indeed, if our faith is strong, the thoughts we think repeatedly and consistently every day must not undermine what the job our faith is capable of delivering for us. If we know that God is within us, rather than some high and might king who lives way up in the clouds, the positive thoughts that we think are altogether affirming that God does dwell within us. Every positive thought we place in our heads, no matter how contrary to our present day reality, is faith. Concurrently, every negative thought we pound in every day challenges that faith.

How many times in a day do we ?n-faith?our faith?

On the average, we have 50,000 thoughts a day. And studies show that seventy five percent of those thoughts are negative. Imagine if increased the remaining twenty five percent of those positive thoughts. We can be happier. It our  human birthright.

3. Strengthening your faith is all about what you say to yourself.
As Shad Helmstetter, Phd said in his book, ?hat You Say When You Talk to Yourself?(Pocket Book New York), our old programming that? been inculcated in us about our false beliefs and self-defeating concepts over the years shape how we perceive our world and respond to it accordingly.

Hence, we must re-program our age-old thinking into new thoughts that are positive. Like a computer, our brain has been receiving and absorbing negative information, remarks, accusations, negative feelings, among others from our parents, teachers, friends, colleagues, the news, media and the world around us. If we have become so successful in believing that our negative perceptions are true because they have been fed to us consciously or unconsciously, imagine what we can do if all we fed our minds with are positive thoughts?

4. Faith is within your own power to create it. 
Positive faith is very dependent on our self-dialogue, no matter how upsetting our troubles are, how cruel the criticism we are tossed with, how painful our losses or how angry we can become towards injustice, corruption, and other mindless crimes. But why must we assist in the proliferation of these present day realities with our negative thoughts when we can convert them into positive ones?
In the long run, Jonah and Josephine are now in the process of re-programming their thinking. Whenever they have to worry about next day? hospital bills or where to put a homeless child, their first impulse is to respond to it with despair. But now, instead, they say, ?ll this is good!?
5.	Start with the small things by hurdling them with positive thoughts. 
When jammed traffic ahead is making your head boil, when your son made a dent in your new car, when your teen-age daughter is becoming more rebelllious, stop reacting.

You have a responsibility first to yourself.

Instead of getting upset immediately, take a deep breath, heave a sigh and say, ?ll this is good!?Self-repetition is key even when we utterly feel that things are lousy. We must feed positive thoughts into our sub-conscious.

6. Listen to your self-dialogue, change it and be thankful.
If we want to strengthen our faith, we must help ourselves with the things we say when we talk to ourselves. Listen to your self-dialogue. Is it negative? Convert them to positive thoughts. Then thank God for allowing you for winning every little moment that pulls you down into a matter of faith. If we aren? ready yet to engage ourselves with a leap of faith, our small, practical steps into re-building and re-programming our old thoughts into positive ones is faith that is growing.

For those who think that faith is blind and intangible, it can also be practical and exciting. Watch your self-dialogue. Covert self-defeating thoughts into positive ones. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat them in your mind everyday. Write it down. How powerful our mind because they are enough to manifest these positive thoughts into our belief systems, attitudes and feelings.

Without our positive thoughts every day, faith is indeed, not empowering, but being fatalistic, leading us into the doom we do not deserve at all. Faith, indeed, is real, it can be practiced, if we approach it in very real terms in our daily lives.

Begin with your positive thoughts every day. From there, springs a well of faith that will lead you into managing your life on how you want it and dream of it. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

As spiritual seekers caught in the quagmire of daily survival, positive thoughts and faith are tandem partners in our journey towards seeking what is good for our souls.

?he Caring of Our Hands?
What? with the touch of a hand? A tender touch speaks a thousand words. It? the sensation on our skin when a loved one cups his hands in ours to seal his undying pledge of love. Hands do tell thousands of love tales found in romantic classics throughout the ages. Even Michael Angelo? masterpiece ?he Creation?shows an outstretched hand of a loving God touching His first creation, Adam, in His own image and likeness.

So hands tell many stories. It is also said that the touch of a hand can heal and comfort the broken-hearted. However, what good is a touch of a hand if we are repelled by the feel of roughness of it on our skin?  How can we welcome the touch of a hand that is ill-kept? How can we appreciate its gentleness if it is more of an eye sore that denies us the natural propensity to connect and elicit empathy or closeness?

We must therefore take into our own hands, as no one else will, the care of our hands.

You see, fashion isn? restricted only to clothing. A nicely groomed haircut with the latest, stylish wardrobe must complete the fashionable package with nice, clean hands. Without it, we cannot project that appearance of cleanliness and a healthy persona. Certainly, dirty, ugly hands cannot hide behind the exteriors of our social graces.

So we must begin pampering our hands, whether our hands are active, smooth and slender. Our hands could sure use a little more attention. How do we accord the attention our hands deserve? 
 
Smooth Hands for Smooth Talkers

A smooth talker glides through his gift of gab with ease. He usually has persuasive powers. As most people listen more attentively to speakers who look attractive, neat and fashionable, so must our hands keep up with appearances, whether we like it or not. If we are to look upbeat and use our hands to gesture, to make a point or to win an important argument in court, we might as well make our hands look good to help us do the talking. If you?e a good speaker, compliment your credibility with a nice pair of good-looking, clean hands. Here? how:

1. 	There? a general observation that hardworking individuals usually have rough or 
      chapped hands. If you?e one of those who often works with her hands, there are        
      smoothening blends that help.

2.  Apply vegetable oil once a week or after each day of heavy work. The properties of  
     vegetable oil on human skin also work nature? wonders.

3.  Other ways include mixing lemon juice and rose water in fresh butter. Rub down the 
      mixes for extra smoothness. Gymnasts use this procedure that? an effective 
      alternative to lotion after a hard workout.

4. 	If your hands have dark finger joints, a mix of lemon juice in barley powder will do 
	the trick. You can do this twice a month. 
	
5. 	Soaking the hands for five minutes to smoothen callous joints and dry skin in our palms is a great way to get rid of those imperfections. Dry for two minutes. Then, remove dead skin with a sponge.

6. 	For rougher hands, a tougher mix entails 1 teaspoon of Glycerin, 1 teaspoon of lemon 
      juice and 5 drops of rose water stored in a bottle. Then, massage this oil in your hands 
      for  approximately 30 minutes, and repeat as needed.

7. 	Another way is using cucumbers that are also known for their smoothening       
      characteristics. After mashing cucumber, massage your hands with the mixture for 10 
      minutes. Then, wash off the mash and repeat the procedure when necessary.

The Healthy Habit of Keeping Fingernails Clean

Our nails must also need our special attention as they are the most noticeable parts of our hands. Dirty fingernails can never go unnoticed; that? for sure. In fact, persons with healthy self-esteem care for the cleanliness of their fingernails. To keep your nails strong and healthy, do the following:

1. 	The lack of calcium makes fingernails break easily. To avoid frequent breakage,         supply your body with calcium tablets or eat food that? rich in calcium. Yogurt is a         rich source of calcium, aside from milk and cheese.

2. 	A piece of lemon, when rubbed on our fingernails, helps reduce paleness. Its chemical 
     composition should progressively replenish the color of the nails.

3. 	Heating oil also gives our nails a good shine if it lacks luster. Delicately massage this 
      oil on your nails. Continue for a few weeks for the oil to work its way into your nails.

4. 	Avoid picking your nails with your other hand. This may not only break your fingernails, but will also project your image as a nervous or fearful person.

5. 	The most unhygienic habit is biting your nails. Not only does your mouth get exposed 
      to germs, the sight of one biting her fingernails is unpleasant and reflects improper 
      social breeding. Use a nail clipper instead. Keep it handy with you if loose skin or nail 
      breakage occurs. Biting your nails is not only a turn-off, it makes your nails look 
      dirty, poorly trimmed and unhealthy.

6. 	If your fingernails get stained by ink, use acetone. Then, massage your fingers with 
      lotion   and vegetable oil to soften the skin.

7. 	Have a manicurist do your nails if you cannot do your nails yourself. Ask her to 
      massage your hands before applying nail polish.

Massaging your Hands

A. 	When doing repetitive activities such as writing with a pen or typing over long 
      periods:

Give your hands a rest for 5 minutes after every hour. Stretch your fingers by 
gently pulling them to loosen your tight finger joints. Repetitive activities make 
hands tense so just like any organ of your body, your hands also need exercise and 
room to breathe.

B. When washing clothes, dishes and other utensils, including gardening, it is always best 
     to:

1. 	Wear protective gloves. Harsh ingredients contained in laundry soap and other       cleaning detergents can affect our skin and make them dry. If you do not have gloves, be sure to massage your hands with vegetable oil or with lotion that is alcohol free to keep your hand? skin from becoming dry.

2. 	Clasp your hands together and stretch them out, with your palms facing outward or 
      against your face. This will require you to straighten your arms. The pressure on 
      your wrist is good to keep the blood circulating. Much like how we need to stretch our 
      legs, our hands are part of our arms that need room to breathe.

3. 	After doing hard work, do not wash your hands immediately. Varicose veins may       appear as blood vessels swell. If your hands have varicose veins, try skin ointments that contain the compound called MPS (Mucopolysaccharide Polysulfate). This compound makes all the difference in anti-blood clotting and the treatment of cuts and scars, bruises, skin inflammations, swelling and vein disorders.  A known product containing MPS is Hirudoid as this has been tested in numerous clinical studies and experiments. Such findings of Dr. Heinz Elling of Munich, for instance,  experimented on several skin tissue samples and learned that Hirudoid was able to reach even the skin? subcutis layer by rubbing or massaging alone. Another skin specialist, Dr. A. Florian concluded that with Hirudoid, ?ein disorders recede, tissues become relaxed, the local blood flow is increased and the metabolism of connective tissues is improved. ? The applications of Hirudoid on our skin are wide, so when it comes to the care of our hands, applying the ointment will be most beneficial. It is available in leading drug stores nationwide.

4. 	Skin has three layers: the epidermis (top layer), the dermis (middle layer) and the       subcutis (the bottom layer). To make your skin healthy, take Vitamin C as the dermis uses Vitamin C to make collagen, the mattress that supports the epidermis.  Vitamin E also fights free radicals that give out electrons to the free radical before healthy cells are robbed.

5. 	While our facial skin is categorized as either normal, oily, dry or a combination  T-
      zone are (such as forehead, nose and chin) as oily, but normal to dry in our cheeks and 
      neck, the skin on our hands can easily become dry because it is always exposed to 
     different chemicals affecting its condition. So make sure you moisturize your hand 
     with the use of a moisturi